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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just not have the emotional energy to do anything?

107 replies

user143677433 · 07/02/2021 13:57

I just don’t want to do anything. I’ve spent the weekend mooching around the house, but keep gravitating back to the bed. The kids and DH occasionally ask me to join in something or come to tell me something, and I join in or listen but then go back to lying on the bed. We went for a walk yesterday, which was OK, but then when we came back I just didn’t really do anything. I keep thinking of things I feel I should want to do, but I don’t want to.

I can’t even get together the mental energy to read. A lot of the time I’m just staring at the ceiling.

I’m basically just waiting for, but definitely not looking forward to, starting work again on Monday, closing the door to my study for 10-14 hrs of back to back zoom calls. All week will be the same, and I’ll count down the days to the weekend, but then at the weekend I will just wait for Monday again.

OP posts:
Fileexplorerrrr · 07/02/2021 15:23

I’m feeling exactly this way too! I have no motivation for absolutely anything. I constantly sit and think of all the things I could do, my brain feels overloaded at the thought so I switch off and continue to just sit and do nothing.

I spend all week looking forward to the weekend as each weekday is constant Groundhog Day of work and homeschooling which some days drives me to tears as it’s all too much. I then, spend all weekend looking forward to Monday where we have a bit of routine and busyness.

It’s just awful at the moment but then I feel so guilty as we are so lucky and don’t have any issues that some people are facing.

Life just feels like one vicious circle of boredom and miserableness 🤦🏻‍♀️

orangejuicer · 07/02/2021 15:28

Another one feeling like every day is the same. I'm grateful to be well but oh so bored.

Insomniacexpress · 07/02/2021 15:33

Exactly the same- numb and bored but not depressed. I’ve gained weight as well but don’t really care at the moment.

Babyroobs · 07/02/2021 15:36

Exactly the same here although we have done 2 jigsaw puzzles this weekend and two long walks but I cannot be motivated to do much else. The house needs cleaning and ironing pile is huge but it just gets left.

KatySun · 07/02/2021 15:41

Yes, this is how I have felt recently, today has been a bit better though because DS wanted to climb a hill yesterday and that blew away some cobwebs.

I do relate to what you say about work as well, my job seems to have expanded and I have no idea how I managed it before when I had travelling to fit in as well.

I have been wondering if it is low-level depression and trying to make sure I take vitamins and iron, because I always take a slump if I forget these. I also think once the days get properly longer and warmer, then this mood will lift. I hope.

Eckhart · 07/02/2021 16:15

I'll add, since my original definition of 'emotional exhaustion' resonated with you, OP, that after a while of not feeling anything, you get royally fed up with it - and then it starts feeling like depression. That's what happened for me, anyway. Feeling depressed is a natural result of boredom, and that's what you have. No interest in anything, ie everything is boring.

Take very good care of yourself, and remember that if you're holding yourself together so that other things don't fall to pieces, that's not an infinite resource. You have to make sure you don't fall to pieces, and, if other people are depending on you, that makes your wellbeing even more important.

Do you think you could talk to your husband and let him know what's happening for you? You're clearly worried otherwise you wouldn't have posted, and you'll need his support on this. Keep in mind that looking after yourself isn't selfish, it's going to ensure you can keep doing all you need to do, for everyone, not just yourself.

And be accommodating. For me, when mine had turned into actual depression and I went to the doctor, she told me I was 'a textbook case'. This was very reassuring, and when I said 'Can it be fixed then?' she lightheartedly said 'Of course!'. That, in itself, was a huge bolster for me.

So, I'll say it to you, too. There's nothing odd in how you feel. You're completely normal, and having a completely normal response that many have in normal life, but even more so at the moment. Drop the guilt. You're not doing anything wrong, and just because you have a cushy job, that doesn't mean you're obliged to be happy. Somewhere along the line, your individual needs are not being met. Give yourself a big hug and a hot chocolate, or something, and have a chat with your husband about how you need to find a way for life to be a bit softer on you for now.

We're all delicate and overwhelmed at the moment. You're not alone.

OkZoomer · 07/02/2021 16:21

Really sorry you’re feeling like that OP. I feel exactly the same and can totally relate - I thought I was the only one feeling like this, so it’s so helpful to have some tips here on how to manage that feeling ❤️

permanentlyexhaustedpigeon · 07/02/2021 17:16

Yes, me too.
I realised the other day that I've stopped living for the weekend and started living for the week. Most of my colleagues are doing way more work than they need to at home: partly because there's too much work to do for the number of people available, and partly because there's nothing else to do outside of work so we just default back to the in-trays.
Weekends are depressing. DH studies, DD talks to her friends, and I clean. I ought to have a stern word with them about doing their fair share of housework, but even that takes too much energy so I rarely bother.
You're definitely not alone, OP. I know I'm lucky to have a job and a home, I have my health, I'm not worrying about eviction or where my next meal is coming from; which I have experienced in the past. Even cultivating an "attitude of gratitude" gets exhausting at times though.

wizzbangfizz · 07/02/2021 17:30

I've taken to my bed today in a slump and feel exactly the same as you OP.

Bumpsadaisie · 07/02/2021 17:41

I have just been back to bed for an hour - warm duvet, heating on - now feel very cosy and much better. I am making jam tarts!

I think it can help to really allow yourself to rest and take things easy.

Bumpsadaisie · 07/02/2021 17:42

And it is winter after all - it's OK to hibernate. Plenty of time for making hay when the sun shines when the sun does in fact ... shine ...

Eckhart · 07/02/2021 18:00

Perhaps, also, you could turn your language round so that you're not judging yourself negatively?

You say you just don't want to do anything.

Maybe you actively do want to rest. Maybe that's just what you need right now. That would be ok, wouldn't it? Just to rest, every time you get chance?

recluse · 07/02/2021 18:03

Me too OP. I am either at work or at home lying on my bed while my teens lie on theirs.

JaceLancs · 07/02/2021 18:10

I wouldn’t say I’m depressed either but am struggling with life and not seeing the point in things
I’ve got a very stressful work situation going on that’s draining me further and not sleeping well
I’m managing to food shop, cook, eat and keep on top of laundry - house is tidy but I’ve no energy for cleaning
Also provide some care for elderly DM with Alzheimer’s and elderly NDN
Most weekends I try and get some fresh air and do something for me (right now I’m on MN in bath with deep hair treatment and face mask)
I just feel totally drained and want to go to sleep and maybe not wake up - but that’s probably because I’m waking up 4-5 times a night

Lonelyflower80 · 07/02/2021 18:24

If it helps, I feel the same. This post has really helped me feel less alone, though I'm sorry we are all feeling like this Flowers

I enjoyed working from home at first, not having to commute or be around certain coworkers, but now I think it's negatively impacting mental health. I was in tears on Friday morning and told my manager I needed a mental health day (as annual leave); I sometimes take things the wrong way when dealing with colleagues remotely and feel like everyone is against me Confused

Gufo · 07/02/2021 18:29

Not RTFT but could have written the OP! So fed up.

Gufo · 07/02/2021 18:32

Work is really busy and stressy but at least it gives me something to do/feel!

Pinkmagic1 · 07/02/2021 18:43

I am the same. I have just lost all motivation and feel exhausted, both physically and emotionally constantly. I wake up at 4.30am everyday and lie, worrying about the future and the children.
I have a horse on part loan and she has kept me going. She has to be fed and cared for even if I am not feeling like it. I hadn't rode for a few weeks due to the awful exhaustion, but yesterday I pushed myself and tacked up and went out for a short ride and it felt wonderful.

TheRedShoes75 · 07/02/2021 18:45

I’m feeling exactly the same way OP.

Alternista · 07/02/2021 18:49

Six inches of snow here today has done me in. I know it’s meant to be fun and magical but it now just makes me feel even more shut in.
So... yeah. I hear ya OP.

rookiemere · 07/02/2021 18:54

I've been taking St Johns Wort for a few weeks now as I was feeling very much as you describe. It's a sort of natural anti depressant and I've noticed that my mood has been lifted over the past few days now it has kicked in properly. Can mess up if you're on the pill though.

Aspiringmatriarch · 07/02/2021 18:56

Me too OP. I think it's a mildish form of depression and a pretty natural reaction to the way things are at the moment. I have motivationally flatlined. If I force myself to go for a walk I feel a little bit better, but not by a huge amount.

If you can get absorbed in something for a while, that might help a bit. Crafts? Crosswords? Jigsaws? Or put on some ABBA or other happy/ energetic music? Maybe there's something you'd like to do to make your home feel nicer, a bit of a redesign somewhere, a project?

I think in some ways life currently is a bit like being in prison, except obviously better because you're in your own home and have your family with you. But the monotony of being in the same place with the same limited options is similar and for me, it just makes me want to spend most of the time in bed snoozing which then means I'm awake at night. 😕

EddieVeddersfoxymop · 07/02/2021 19:06

I'm feeling just the same. My DD is 13, and we have not had a day or evening off being mum or dad since this time last year. No one seems to remember the "normal" families (please note use of sarcasm here). We have no respite - we are not single parents, nor separated and able to create childcare bubbles so we have literally had to entertain and home school DD every minute of the day. She's an only and this isn't healthy for any one.
DH works from home, I'm going out to work but its awful due to worry, risk and knowing that its the same shit every day.
I just get up, go to work, come home and go to sleep. Our holidays that were moved from last year have just been cancelled again. I want to go and choose some craft supplies but all the shops are shut and in Scotland we don't even have click and collect. I need a haircut and the masks for 7 hours a day have destroyed my skin.
I just cannot be arsed anymore. I feel like a caged animal and my home life is suffering.
There's no joy just now, just a crappy, boring, repetitive existence.

Nancylovesthecock · 07/02/2021 19:11

I'm so glad I'm not alone, though so sorry so many of us feel like this.

My relationship with my DH is really taking a nosedive lately, work is SO BUSY, the kids are being shits and I just don't have the energy to keep everything going anymore.

Yesterday I wanted to crawl back in bed and cry.

Yet I feel like I should appreciate the good fortune I have in having a good stable job, a decent home I can afford and just about enough money to live a simple but comfortable life.

Yet right now I really want to be anywhere but here with literally anyone else.

MoiraNotRuby · 07/02/2021 19:18

Totally with you. I can't even be bothered to look forward to the end of 'all this' anymore. If they announced covid was wiped out overnight I still wouldn't feel like rushing out to do all the things I've been missing. I'm just too meh now.