To ask about your personal “Jackie Weaver” moments

Tier4billion · 2021-02-07T10:55:49+00:00

Was speaking to dh about this last night and was reflecting on how I have definitely had moments of being spoken to like JW was in that video, or just generally being patronised. Two which stood out where a man, who had called my company asking for help said to me “ooh you’ve got your own little business - why do you think you can help Me?” (Er firstly you called me and secondly my “little business” has a far higher turnover than yours). Another was a work meeting years ago where a guy screamed at me as I wasn’t taking the minutes. I wasn’t there to take the minutes - that would have been the man sat next me - however as the only woman in the meeting it was assumed it was me Aibu to ask - what’s your experience?

Original poster

Tier4billion · 07/02/2021 11:14

Just me then

OP posts:

user1487194234 · 07/02/2021 11:17

Lots of funny committee meetings at Children’s groups ,the main offenders were the yummy mummies who seemed to think they were still at Ernst and Young
Occasionally had to interrupt to say’ we are talking about juice an biscuits’ 🤣

Ccccchanges · 07/02/2021 11:24

Had someone very high up in a very well known bakery chain ask me whilst pitching to him, “yes, but what makes you qualified to do your job and why should I bother listening to you”. I was 23 at the time and spent a number of client meetings afterwards justifying my job to surprised clients because I was so insecure🤦🏼‍♀️

Original poster

Tier4billion · 07/02/2021 11:41

@Ccccchanges

Had someone very high up in a very well known bakery chain ask me whilst pitching to him, “yes, but what makes you qualified to do your job and why should I bother listening to you”. I was 23 at the time and spent a number of client meetings afterwards justifying my job to surprised clients because I was so insecure🤦🏼‍♀️

Isn’t it awful how someone can damage your confidence like that - and yet the probably don’t even remember saying it five minutes later. Arsehole.

OP posts:

tofuschnitzel · 07/02/2021 11:43

Try giving people more than twenty mins to reply, OP!

YouhavenoauthorityJackieWeaver · 07/02/2021 11:51

Call me Britney Spears

KatyClaire · 07/02/2021 11:56

I attended a mediation with a partner in my firm and his client, as the partner was an English lawyer and it was a Scottish law matter. The client arrived a little after we did, so the partner and I were already in our breakout room with a young, male employee of the venue who had shown us in.

I had never met the client before. When he arrived he shoved his coat at me without looking at me and said ‘I’ll have a black coffee thanks, and do you have an iPhone charger here?’.

I was pretty junior and absolutely mortified but luckily the partner stepped in instantly and said ‘let me take that, and I’ll get you a coffee’ to his client. The client didn’t even apologise, and barely addressed a word to me for the entire day.

B33Fr33 · 07/02/2021 12:00

It reminded me very much of getting a particular row of boys to stfu when two girls were delivering a group report. They kept guessing and sniggering. Not a shock the two girls had done far more work and it showed. Usual covering for incompetence with bullying. I've seen this happening in council meetings. The only time anyone did this to me I found very humiliating and infuriating. I wasn't reassured when the senior manage tried to reassure me by saying the guys doing it were always pulling that sort of bull shit. I was then enraged that the manager didn't have the backbone to call them out on it.

Holly60 · 07/02/2021 12:05

Many moons ago I was a young teacher supervising at a careers fair. One of the male stall holders was sitting on his own waiting for some students to come over. He watched my male colleague pass with no comment. When I passed by he stopped me with a ‘excuse me love, I’d love a coffee if you’ve got one’. I smiled sweetly and said ‘of course’. Then called my male colleague back and said ‘this man has asked for a coffee, could you fetch him one, as I’m managing the floor today’. The man went bright red and I felt wickedly gratified.

ludothedog · 07/02/2021 12:06

Just about every work meeting I attend but then I work in child protection and it's just assumed that we will, should and can take the abuse.

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 07/02/2021 12:23

It's not unusual on committees sadly. I quickly learned to read the constitution, so I could avoid the "that's not how we do things" comments. Although then you get "well, we didn't mean that". Well, why write it then?!

Thisisworsethananticpated · 07/02/2021 13:16

I once just exited a meeting
Guy was so ducking rude (still is )
Just left the teams call

Need more !

DIKateFleming · 07/02/2021 13:50

I’m in a senior role at work, was brought in to a meeting with one of our key suppliers because they weren’t delivering what they should. Junior man (junior in rank, but not age) proceeded to tell me why our requirements were wrong, they weren’t. Then kept not answering my questions about why they weren’t delivering and just kept telling me i was wrong. Eventually we go my questions answered and I had follow up apologies from the supplier, I was just surprised no-one else from the supplier got him to shut up in the meeting, he wasn’t doing them any favours.

They also had a young woman in the meeting who clearly did know what she was doing, so I kept highlighting how she made excellent points, and repeating them, giving her credit, during the meeting and ignoring annoying man.

I found out afterwards annoying man had tried this trick with several women on my team in earlier meetings, and they were enjoying watching me deal with him. I didn’t have the Zoom power to kick him out of the meeting, but i was sodding tempted

2020iscancelled · 07/02/2021 14:33

A man trying to flog double glazing knocked at our door a few months back, I entertained him bc actually we do need our windows doing so agreed for someone to come back and do a quote. He took my details and says “oh and what time will your husband be home then”
I asked him why did that matter?!!!

“Oh just usually people like do discuss these things I guess”

I said it doesn’t matter because I make the decisions in this house thanks.

He was suitably sheepish after.

Pisses me off - I was on maternity at the time so not only was I managing two young children on my own but my wages covered the majority of the bills being the main earner and I also have substantial savings to pay for the double glazing.

I would discuss it with my partner of course but I don’t need him to be present or have any authority in the decision.

Plus I could have easily been single, a widow or lesbian.

The presumption drives me wild

tabulahrasa · 07/02/2021 14:44

“A man trying to flog double glazing“

They only want pitch to couples (if it’s a couple) - it doesn’t matter if it’s a man or woman, it’s because they try to pressure into a deal and sign off on it immediately so no-one can back out.

Skipsurvey · 07/02/2021 14:55

Just on Friday, a very rude response in writing to my request, which i passed on to the person who asked me to find out, they were justifiably angry with the rude response, and the rude person of course then said thanks for clarifying and then gave further information.
I think there was clarity in my question in the first place and it was totally unreasonable to send the message to me!

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 07/02/2021 15:07

DS Primary school PTA. Female teachers, female members, female volunteers actually doing all the grunt work. Male chair, ex army, patronising as fuck. I ended up forming a sub committee to do my bit as I just couldn't stand the dynamic in the room, all these capable women justifying decisions to this fool.

sammylady37 · 07/02/2021 15:10

I’m a hospital consultant. One day, the nurses told me that a man had turned up to the ward the pervious evening claiming that he knew my husband and that my husband had told him he had arranged with me for that man to be admitted directly to the ward.

I don’t have a husband, nor do I want one
If I had one, I wouldn’t be breaching patient confidentiality and discussing patients with him
If I want someone to be admitted directly to the ward I arrange it with the person themselves and inform the nurses so that they know to expect the person.

sammylady37 · 07/02/2021 15:11

Oh and 4. My theoretical husband would have no input into who I was admitting!

DIKateFleming · 07/02/2021 15:23

And another that spring to mind, I make lending decisions, had to go out to meet a potential borrower, he directed most of his answers to my questions to my male colleague, who had no decision making capacity. Once he worked out I had some input into the decision kept saying “when you take this back to the person who makes that decisions” and “remember to tell them how good looking and charming I am”. Strangely enough he was neither, and the person making the decision (me) said no. At which point he wrote to my boss telling them they should sack me, I’m still in that job many years later and we never did lend him the money

ElGuardiandenoche · 07/02/2021 15:37

I used to work in a builders merchant many moons ago and was extremely knowledgeable in my field and my colleagues and the builders who knew me would always come and ask my advice. What we used to love when new builders, general public and other building professionals came in and would ignore me when I offered to help and would ask the blokes and they would point them back to me , we found it hilarious.

The meetings we had when pricing jobs and the customer would assume I was the secretary and should be offering them drinks and writing notes etc. I’m thankful that my boss was forward thinking and stood up for me when they didn’t like the fact that I was there as a professional.

The best was the old farmer who wouldn’t talk to me so would ask my male colleagues and they would ask me and they would then relay it too the farmer. My boss wanted to tell him to go elsewhere but I said leave it and I found within the year I’d made a new friend who would come to me for advice and recommend everyone he knew to use us and bought us a ton of business.

This was 30+ years ago so I hope things have changed quite a bit.

BooBahBoo · 07/02/2021 15:39

Was working as a supervisor in a club after graduating uni. Man turns up to the gig 2h late and starts giving off because the cloakroom is full. I hear him giving an absolute earful to the girl doing cloakroom, so go around and ask what the issue is. He was just a hateful prat.

He presumed that I was a teenager (look young but I was 23 then), that I had just left school, that I had no degree (clarified that one for him as I had graduated) and talked to me like I was a piece of shit who knew nothing. I’d been working there for years at that point.

Needless to say, no exceptions were made, he had to put his coat on the floor and I made sure I ran a dirty mop over it while going past him when mopping up a few spills. No shits given- you talk to me like I’m dirt, I’ll treat you like dirt. He didn’t notice but damn it made me feel better.

Panicmode1 · 07/02/2021 15:45

First day on new graduate training programme in big surveying firm. I was there with my male peer, also his first day - we went to the weekly team meeting for the first time; I was the only woman in the room. Senior director turned to me and asked me to take the minutes. I said only if X (male colleague) gets to do them next time, just so I know you haven't picked me because I'm the only female in the room...I thought I was going to get sacked on the spot but the following week X was asked to do them.....!

Too many to mention, but I often had to go to building sites and once took a (male) trainee with me. Inevitably the men on site asked him what they should do about the particular issue we were there to discuss. I stood there and asked my trainee what he thought...he looked like a rabbit in the headlights and just said "I know nothing - she's the boss"!

poppycat10 · 07/02/2021 15:54

@tabulahrasa

“A man trying to flog double glazing“

They only want pitch to couples (if it’s a couple) - it doesn’t matter if it’s a man or woman, it’s because they try to pressure into a deal and sign off on it immediately so no-one can back out.

Even if this is the reason, it doesn't make it any less annoying or sexist.

I am not convinced that they wouldn't just go ahead if husband was at home alone.

enigma16 · 07/02/2021 16:16

I was working as a receptionist and asked a man with a thick Scottish accent to spell his name for me and I didn't immediately get it right. His response: "Do you have a brain?"

I was recently in a Zoom conference where we were put in breakout rooms to discuss a particular topic. I was in a room with a man and two women. The man made his point and was heard, but when one of the women started speaking the man took a phone call - we could see him laughing and chatting with a mate.

My boss's boss has a habit of making sexist remarks about me in public. He once referred to me as an 'antique' (he is older than me). He has also asked if I said (pretending to have misheard what I said) that I would like him to 'do me'.

A former employee who didn't want to talk to me told me to leave the room and when I didn't, he said he was going to take his pants down.