To ask about your personal “Jackie Weaver” moments

[Tier4billion]

Was speaking to dh about this last night and was reflecting on how I have definitely had moments of being spoken to like JW was in that video, or just generally being patronised.

Two which stood out where a man, who had called my company asking for help said to me “ooh you’ve got your own little business - why do you think you can help Me?” (Er firstly you called me and secondly my “little business” has a far higher turnover than yours).

Another was a work meeting years ago where a guy screamed at me as I wasn’t taking the minutes. I wasn’t there to take the minutes - that would have been the man sat next me - however as the only woman in the meeting it was assumed it was me

Aibu to ask - what’s your experience?

I get it a lot at work, but in my personal life I fairly regularly run registration at cycling or triathlon events. It is absolutely hilarious what men come out with. A couple of years ago I was doing a road race, and the competitors have to hand in their photocard licenses and don't get them back until the commisare (they are in charge of the race) says they can as people can be banned etc for bad behaviour during the event.
Everyone comes back, and this guy tells me he needs his license back 'sorry, not until the commisares tell me I can' - and he goes off on one about how I know nothing, no one else tells them they have to wait, on and on.
Until the head commisare (who is a slightly scary lady who has been an official at the very highest level) comes up behind him, taps him on the shoulder and asks what is going on. And asks for his name and number. Looks at her clipboard, and tells him that its because of people like him that this rule exists, and he is on her 'needs talking to' list as he rode in an unsafe manner. He's dragged off for some very straight talking, and later slinks back to me to apologise.

My team includes a junior admin role which was filled for a few years by Jessica (not her real name). Everyone within our (male dominated) organisation, and stakeholders at partner companies (also overwhelmingly male), worked well with Jessica; they understood her role and how she reported to me. Eventually Jessica left for bigger things and was replaced... by James. An email was sent to all key contacts and I made sure to introduce James at all meetings and events. Somehow though, this triggered a mass brain malfunction as colleagues and partners became incapable of giving instruction to James. They would come to me in a tizzy because they needed a report but didn't know who to ask. Jessica always did it for them before, you see. I would very patiently point out that James has replaced Jessica in post and would do everything she used to do. Or, on numerous occasions, someone would panic because there was nobody to take minutes at a meeting. I would point out James and get a lot of doubtful looks before, inevitably, someone would suggest that I should take the minutes this time around; at which point I would have to point out that I am the Chair and it's not really customary, nor ideal for me to do so, particularly when there is an able and willing member of staff in the room already. On one occasion, I heard one partner tell another that there seems to have been some sort of restructure as Halloumi is now doing Jessica's job and they've brought in this new chap, James, to run things. They were very swiftly put straight.

[quote Roadtohades]Not about me (although I do have tales of my own) but about Priscilla Jana, former lawyer for Nelson Mandela. When she was ambassador to The Netherlands I went to hear her give a talk at a local university. She told us that whenever she would arrive at a formal function in her official limousine, the men awaiting the ambassador's arrival (it was always men) would rush out and shake her chauffeur's hand as he got out of the car, assuming he was the honoured guest. She was a wonderful woman and, sadly, died recently. Here's her obituary: www.theguardian.com/global/2020/nov/05/priscilla-jana-obituary[/quote]
Wow, what a phenomenal women.

My DD17 went for a job interview on Saturday for a part time job in a large garden centre. The lady that interviewed her only asked her one main question which was.... "How would you deal with a grumpy, rude older man?"
She was talking about another employee that is horrible and moody to the other staff members.

I bet he doesn't talk to the other males in the same way he obviously talks to females.

I wish my late great aunt was still alive, she’d have loved the way Jackie Weaver dealt with those men.

My great aunt owned and ran a builder’s merchants with my great uncle back when women didn’t tend to do that kind of thing. Men would constantly ask to speak to her husband, say that “the boss” always gave them a discount, etc. She was a particularly assertive terrifying woman and was always happy to tell them that they were free to take their business elsewhere. She had no time for silly little men with chips on their shoulders.

I now work in a construction linked occupation, but haven’t had any problems. The only similar situations I’ve encountered have been on community groups and the PTA. Those sort of positions do seem to attract a certain type. Sadly, I didn’t have any good Jackie Weaver moments.

I used to do some relocation work. Often I would be working with couples and particularly in the case of US clients it was as likely to be the woman who had the job that they were relocating for and the man was a trailing spouse. Every single Estate Agent/school Head etc would ask the man if they were relocating due to HIS job - it was bloody embarrassing and I used to answer from between increasingly gritted teeth. Once I was showing a single female exec around properties and the EA asked if she was relocating due to her husbands job and I gave him an absolute bollocking.

I was pretty junior and absolutely mortified but luckily the partner stepped in instantly and said ‘let me take that, and I’ll get you a coffee’ to his client.

Hi @KatyClaire - you may remember me from your cloth nappy thread - the woman reluctant to be chained to the washing machine while the
Patriarchy marched on.

Anyway - it probably won’t surprise you to learn that I don’t think the partner did enough here. People are too passive towards their clients and let them get away with far too much. They’re also cowardly; when they step out of line like this, they need to be pulled up sharpish. He should have pointed out to that client in front of everyone that just because you’re a woman, it doesn’t mean you’re an administrative assistant and he would contact someone who was in admin to check out the phone charger availability and get him a coffee.

Too frightened of losing business - but his actions are not those of someone who champions women because he didn’t actually challenge the sexist behaviour.

Oh, I’ve just remembered I DO have a Jackie Weaver moment. Way back at university I had a unit with an obnoxious attention seeking idiot who prided himself on his impeccable logic and believed most people, women especially, struggled with logic due to a surplus of emotion. He would talk over people, no patience for other people’s views, fixed mindset, the usual. One day it occurred to me that his actions were, in fact, not logical at all but very emotionally driven. So, I started using his terms back at him. “You need to remove the emotion from the situation”, “calm down”, “I can see this is affecting you” etc. Didn’t exactly diffuse the situation, but kept me and a few others amused.

I’m sure Jackie would have handled it better though.

I work in an industry which is mostly male dominated and have grown a very thick skin over the years but regularly still get the misogny rubbish

Well known furniture shop - I tell the salesman I don't want scotch guard at the ridiculous price he's asking he looks at DH and says " tell your wife she has to have the scotchguard" I looked him straight in the eye and said I was paying for this and walked out.

Walked into first class on a train last year in jeans and was asked by a older gentleman in a suit if I realised I was in first class , I said of course that's what my ticket says he turned his back on me and plonked himself in his seat without a word.

Female checkout operator in a well known supermarket, looks at my gold credit card ( back when I earned more money) and asks my DH if he's letting me use it !

Working in the financial district in London and I called a restaurant to make a lunch reservation to take a client
The woman who took the reservation said ‘and what is the gentleman’s name?’
It was for me. 20F at the time

"You seem to have lost your temper" is great but usually you'd be shouted over.

I wonder what Jackie's parish council colleagues think about Jackie's new stardom? They must be furious

Loads. The number of times I will tell a man something, and then he will look directly at my male colleague and ask them the same question.

But went to a meeting with a male boss, arrived and both sat down. Tea and coffee was on the side. He looked at me and said "I'd love a coffee" meaning for me to get him one. I was dying for a coffee but there was no way I was getting one now. I just said "yes so would I" and stared off into space. Then we both sat there for the rest of the meeting, neither of us had a coffee!