To ask your most crippling put down from a child?

[PunkyPirate]

My daughter stuck her head in my crotch area this evening when we were sat in the sofa, sniffed deeply then went "Agghhhh... Mummma!! You stink! You need to remember to wash your foof!!!"

I was mortified!!! Admittedly, it was day 3/4 of wearing the same jeans! 🙈😂

Ds telling me I really do need makeup.

After I'd put on more makeup than usual:

DS(11): Why are you wearing so much makeup? You look like a painted lady

Me: I'm trying to disguise the fact that I'm tired.

DS(11): Well, it hasn't worked. You look like a painted lady who's tired.

Where DS got the term "Painted Lady" from, I do not know.

Anyone wearing any item of clothing 3 or 4 days in a row is manky. I agree jeans don't need washing after one wear, but I wouldn't wear them immediately a second day. I air them, then they get worn once more.

3 or 4 wears 🤮

I'm sorry but I don't think OP's post is amusing at all either. It's mortifying and seemingly deserved after 3/4 days in one item of clothing.

Me: Does this new top make me look fat?

DS: No, it's your fat that makes you look fat.

The one that killed me off was when my dd1 was 16 and said my laugh was horrible

I hear you on this. My kids keep saying how ridiculous my laugh sounds on my work calls & that I sound over the top...😕

@EarringsandLipstick

Anyone wearing any item of clothing 3 or 4 days in a row is manky. I agree jeans don't need washing after one wear, but I wouldn't wear them immediately a second day. I air them, then they get worn once more.

3 or 4 wears 🤮

I'm sorry but I don't think OP's post is amusing at all either. It's mortifying and seemingly deserved after 3/4 days in one item of clothing.

Nah! I wear my jeans for about a week. In fact I’ve pretty much only got one pair that will fit at the moment and often they’re splattered with mud if I’ve been one a walk. They’re in the wash at the moment so I’m sat here in my dressing gown waiting for them to dry 😂

@RuralJuror

Me: Does this new top make me look fat?

DS: No, it's your fat that makes you look fat.

😂😂ouch!!!!

I have a friend who is 70 this year and her DS when a child asked her what it was like to live through 2 world wars!

When my son was about 5, he chucked a cover over me and said, 'Ahhh I've caught a fat scary monster' pulled it of and said, 'Uhhh, I mean, I've caught a plain and ordinary looking woman' 🙄

@jabbathebutt

I don't wear jeans for more than 2 days. It is pretty gross to be honest. At least it was your child telling you and not someone at work maybe. I've noticed certain smells from people at work etc and not just BO. It is really noticeable and people who dont notice it are the ones who do it!

I agree and then they feel uncomfortable, they are usually quite close fitting.

Loving 'connard' v 'canard' 😂😂😂

@SymphonyofShadows

When DS1 was about 10 he told me that I looked like someone on TV. Turned out to be Noel Fielding

omg

DNiece and I went to the loos together and she wanted us to be in the same cubicle. “You’ve got a hairy Mary” was shouted very loudly. Clearly SIL waxes!

When DS1 was three he used to accompany me to the shower, sit outside on the mat and roar with laughter at me. He would point through the glass, chortling and rolling about in helpless merriment. There was clearly nothing as funny as my body.

Very demoralising.

I agree and then they feel uncomfortable, they are usually quite close fitting.

Having read all the posts on the jeans issue, I wonder if there's a difference between 'proper', high-quality denim (which I don't really have) & denim-like jeans, which in my case are still the jegging/slim-fit ones. That's why I can't wear them more than twice & not consecutively.

I can imagine if they were the more original 'tough' denim, it would be different.

On a school trip as a parent volunteer was sat next to a quiet and serious little boy aged about 6 on the coach.

It was early and the sun and moon were visible in the sky so, as an icebreaker, I said. "Oh look, the moon's confused and has stayed up to say good morning to the sun."

With a look of pure pity, the little boy explained to me in a gentle way that "the moon has no light of its own and only shines because it reflects the sun". He really did his best to be kind.

Meanwhile, at the back of the coach, the teacher was attempting to stop my child hitting the one in front with their welly boot.

Driving the car with ds1 & 2, both sat in the back. I’m happily singing along to one of my favorite songs. Glanced back to check they were ok and they were both sat with their hands over their ears.

I laughed and then carried on singing.

@Notsoaccidentproneanymore

Driving the car with ds1 & 2, both sat in the back. I’m happily singing along to one of my favorite songs. Glanced back to check they were ok and they were both sat with their hands over their ears.

I laughed and then carried on singing.

Haha thats really funny ! crotch sniffing not so much

I was my jeans immediately after washing them and without wearing them.

I WIN

• wash

@MilesJuppIsMyBitch

I'm really enjoying this thread, but can I gently suggest not feeding the, ahem, derailers?

As you were

You can but it makes you sound paranoid 😉

I'm really enjoying this thread, but can I gently suggest not feeding the, ahem, derailers?

Stop calling people 'derailers' for discussing the actual content of the OP 🤷🏻‍♀️

Working in a shop in my early 20s. I had very short hair.

Customer to child 'give it to the nice lady'

Child, with a look of horror 'that is NOT a lady'

Baked brownies for a bake sale once. Another mum bought one for her dd, 'ugh, this cake tastes weird ' the little darling said.

Never made brownies since. There have been many other insults over the years but for some reason that sticks with me .

@PrawnofthePatriarchy

When DS1 was three he used to accompany me to the shower, sit outside on the mat and roar with laughter at me. He would point through the glass, chortling and rolling about in helpless merriment. There was clearly nothing as funny as my body.

Very demoralising.