To ask about your fav Mumsnet cliches

[HeidiHaughton]

Ltb being mine.

You knew he had kids when you married him.

Yes, but no idea how step parenting can strip you of your sanity and mental health.

The way everyone hates weddings and feel that receiving an invitation is a big imposition - in real life most people I know love going to a good wedding!

I hate all the “tell me your unpopular opinion” threads. Not just because they’re horrible but they all say the same cliched things - X factor, soaps, Boris, Coldplay, gin. Yawn.

‘Cue laughter’ or whatever, spelt que or even queue. Queue almost always spelt que.

All children over the age of 3 ‘should’ be able to look after themselves and then be fully independent at age 18, regardless of age, ability, needs or personality differences and it’s the done thing to redecorate their room as soon as they’ve gone to uni.

People taking pride in hating other people's children.

'Love my kids, can't get enough of them. Would happily boot everyone else child's up the arse'.

Suggestions on magicking up childcare when the OP has made it clear her problem is that she has literally no childcare in an emergency / employment situation and obviously just needs to vent.

@hopeishere

Russell Group university. Literally only on mumsnet do people mention or give a fuck about this.

Sometimes, for extra Fuck Off points, some posters just use 'RG'. As in 'DD's RG uni offers - which one should we* firm up?'

*And that and all

Anyone who trusts their partner is clearly deluded.

Everyone’s parents are “elderly”. I don’t get it. I’ve just been reading a thread where the OP has a 3-year-old child but her mother is “elderly”. To me “elderly” is over 80. The chances of someone having a mother who is 80+ and a 3-year-old child are slim. I guess it’s possible that both were in their 40s when they had children but it’s unusual. So you expect to see it once in a while but I see multiple threads at once where people with young children have “elderly” parents. My mother is 19 years older than me and her mother was 26 years older than her. My husband’s mother was 26 years older than him. My two sisters both had all of their children before the age of 32. I don’t know anyone IRL with pre-school children AND elderly parents.

Or is 50 the new “elderly”?

@BritWifeinUSA I bloody hope not !

The Dr said this [insert: Blood result, ultrasound measurement etc] was normal but I've googled it and it's right at the top of the normal range and now I'm panicking my baby is going to die. what do a bunch of unqualified strangers on the internet think?

The whole 'honeymoon period' thing.

You're supposed to be in the honeymoon period. Often said to a poster having a bit of a vent about her partner of two years being a dick over a packet of hobnobs or somesuch.

Isn't an actual honeymoon the honeymoon period? Honeymoon is a ghastly word anyway.

See also: LTB; why did you have children with this man; put all the dirty washing up in his side of the bed.

Head tilt, tinkly laugh, did you mean to be so rude.

All intended to make the poster seem superior but just marks them as a dick!

Thankyou everybody. This thread has had me laughing a lot and I needed it today ( especially the chicken comments)

'It's an invitation, not a summons'

'Keep your powder dry OP', usually said after 'get your ducks in a row'.

'NC'd, but been around for years, Mexican House Thief, penis beaker, cutted up pear'

The 'just move' one is really common. As if it's really that easy to just move!
Whether you're home owners wanting to move or renting, it's never as simple as just move.

MNetters can never seem to escape out of control, slobbery dogs jumping all over them and their (always) dog phobic kids. It seems to happening daily to some. I don't think I have met an out of control dog in 20 years and I used to be a dog walker.

MNetters DHs are almost all ridiculously hot.

Kids are all "super bright and/or quirky".

"I'd sit her/him/them down for a chat". MNetters all seem to think they could dish out a stern telling off without any push back.

"Did you mean to be so rude?"

^"Yes I fucking did! Now what?"

Shower gel doesn’t clean you as well as soap does
I must smell bad

Agree, "no is a complete sentence"

Well, yes, but it's a very rude sentence.

Any response starting with ‘just’...

Just move house...
Just get a new job...
Just leave your husband...

Utterly useless ‘advice’.

Also, when a poster asks something like ‘my friend borrowed my brand new iPhone without asking and broke it, AIBU to ask them to replace it’.

Poster replies ‘You’re unreasonable to buy an iPhone, I only buy Samsung’.

The extremes everyone lives at are amazing: anxiety is never just "worse" - it's "through the roof"; people "scream" or "shriek", they don't ever just "shout".
And people who criticise your DC/pets should be told to "fuck off", never just to mind their own business.

People always find posters hilarious if they disagree with them and show this by stabbing furiously at the 🤣 emoji button. One emoji just won't exhibit their hilarity adequately.

And surely only on MN do people still think that putting "doncha know" at the end of a sentence is a good way of mocking someone/thing they perceive to be upper class.

"I'm gonna get flamed for this but....."

'Move the radiator so you can have floor length curtains'

Honestly, seen it a handful of times.

I've said it before, but the thing that pisses me off the most is the endless self-righteous moralising over things with no moral value. Usually steeped in classism.

Give your head a wobble. Inspired by this thread I just deliberately used this on another.