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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask at what age you put your child in nursery?

333 replies

chuckb4ss · 05/02/2021 18:08

Was it part time or full time, and did you feel it was beneficial for your child?

I've read that research shows babies should be with their primary caregiver for the first few years in order to create a secure, healthy attachment, but I simply cannot last that long!

OP posts:
Notcrackersyet · 05/02/2021 21:13

Not read the whole thread. I’m in Europe where my colleagues all seem to put their babies in crèche after 4 months and go back to work. It appears to be standard.

Cutesbabasmummy · 05/02/2021 21:14

9 months for 2 days a week. DS has just turned 6 and us still close friends with 5 of his nursery buddies.

EvilSylvanianRabbit · 05/02/2021 21:15

DS went one day a week from 9 months and loved it. He was 18 months when he went 3 days.

DD went also at 18 months for 3 days, then full time at 2.5.

LaPufalina · 05/02/2021 21:16

This thread almost stayed civil Grin

DD1 in nursery from 11m two days a week and two with grandma, then just did the nursery days whilst I was on my second mat leave (21m gap). She then went four days for six months when I went back to work and so did the baby (11m again) and then I had to go full time as I ran out of accrued annual leave days to work 0.8. I still breastfed youngest until 23m so nice way to reconnect.

Eldest is now four and has sighed contentedly at bedtime this week about how much she loves nursery. Youngest is 2.5 and used to be the not-even-a-backward-glance child but DH is WFH at the moment and she resents leaving him at home, big FOMO. He's picking them up at 3.45 after being dropped off about 8 so short-ish days.

Our girls have fantastic bonds with their keyworkers, staff turnover is very low and it's a lovely homely atmosphere.

micc · 05/02/2021 21:19

My eldest was in 1 and a half days from 9 months and 2 and half days from about 2 I think. Cost a bloody arm and a leg! My youngest is only 3 months. She will be going in for 1 day a week at 9 months. I want her to go, my eldest loved it. I love her nursery and I cant wait to go there again.
My eldest was always really independent and didnt bat an eyelid when I left her! We still have a great relationship and I think it only affected her positively.

Aimee1987 · 05/02/2021 21:22

12 months 3 days a week as I had to go back to work. He loves it

Pipandmum · 05/02/2021 21:23

First went two weeks on of full days two weeks off when I returned to work when he was five months. I'm not sure the on off bit worked, but that was my work schedule. My daughter went two full days from age one, my son was three then and went three full days - I'd given up work by then. It made the transition to full days at reception easy. They learned how to get on with other kids and I got a much needed break and nice one to one time with my daughter the one day extra a week my son did at nursery.
They are teens now and both well attached and secure!

YouBoggleMyMind · 05/02/2021 21:24

DS was 19 almost 20 months when he started nursery but that was mainly due to a difficult start and me not going back to work due to that difficult start. He defo started at the right time for him but if none of that had happened he would have been 12m.

namechangetheworld · 05/02/2021 21:24

DD1 went to pre-school from around 2.5 until she started school. Started off as one morning a week, and then increased to three as she got older. The pre-school closed after lunch at 1pm which worked well for us, as she napped in the afternoon right up until she started school. She got to know lots of children she was starting school with, and it made her a lot more independent too.

DD2 would have been due to start in a similar fashion soon, but don't feel comfortable sending her at present.

YouBoggleMyMind · 05/02/2021 21:25

He started with 2 short days 8-4 but has just gone up to 2.5 days (2 days still short) and he's just turned 3 in December.

Iusedtoliveinsanfrancisco · 05/02/2021 21:27

That research is outdated

user1506328491 · 05/02/2021 21:31

Quite a few people calling out 'no regrets.'
OP didn't ask if you had regrets... these posts always seem quite defensive!
NB I use childcare!

Ileflottante · 05/02/2021 21:34

4 months just.

Brainfogmcfogface · 05/02/2021 21:35

I didn’t have an age in mind but rather waited until she was potty trained (as the Vanessa George abuse case really put me off anyone I didn’t know well changing her nappy) and I could explain to her what was going on and that I was coming back and if she needed me what she could do etc and she’d understand. We went to daily toddler groups so she was very social, but I wanted her to have some feral time away from me to learn how to deal with other kids without me stepping in.
Have another now and planned to do the same again, though at this rate that may change as I’m worried about social skills. So far she’s not had the chance to go to toddler groups, knows no one her own age and only really knows me and her grandparents adult wise as we can’t mix with anyone. As much as I hate the idea, I may have to start her sooner just so she knows other kids exist!

Lobsterquadrille2 · 05/02/2021 21:35

Full time from two months. I was overseas and only had six weeks maternity leave, and DD's father left and didn't pay maintenance so I didn't have much choice.

Mudmudingloriousmud · 05/02/2021 21:39

Your op is extreme I agree whole heartily that babies shouldn't be put into nursery from babies without thought, and only when there is literally no choice.

For dc around 2 who can communicate better a few hours here and there would be fine.
I personally waited until late 3 however, a few mornings a week wouldn't have done any harm a little sooner but that's very different isn't it to 7am to 6pm 5 days a week?

Mudmudingloriousmud · 05/02/2021 21:41

Wow 8am to 4 is called a short day Confused

My dd sessions were about 3 hours!

Mudmudingloriousmud · 05/02/2021 21:46

Mindy... Putting vulnerable beings who are hard work into the care of other people who will never love them as much as you, is a risk.
It's just not a desiscion to be taken lightly that's all. It's not the perfect totally safe option.
The Vanessa George case is rare but the bored stressed teen with no interest or empathy, forced to work in a nursery is not.

AlwaysLatte · 05/02/2021 21:51

I feel guilty now but I put my youngest in nursery one day a week when he was just two -oldest had left nursery to start school and I just wanted a day to catch up on housework and paperwork etc which seems silly now. He cried whenever I took him (although he settled and had a nice time once I'd gone). I wish I'd waited till he was 2 and a half and saved all the tears :-(

Justkeepswimming321 · 05/02/2021 21:58

@Mudmudingloriousmud my 6 month old does almost 10 hour days. He loves nursery and the staff there and is SO happy.

Interestingly, my firstborn had a tougher time settling in (and then resettling in again after lockdown 1), I guess because he was older.

Katie1784 · 05/02/2021 21:59

About 2y9m, but only for 2-3 mornings a week. It was a 9-12 playgroup in a church hall type thing (rather than a day nursery for working parents) and only ran in term time.
A lovely, gentle introduction to life away from mummy outside the home.

TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY · 05/02/2021 21:59

never

mine has never been is a child care setting, or a babysitter and are home educated

they are 16 and 10

i believe children should be with their parents

SimonJT · 05/02/2021 22:01

@TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY

never

mine has never been is a child care setting, or a babysitter and are home educated

they are 16 and 10

i believe children should be with their parents

Are you unemployed?
Dobedohdahdee · 05/02/2021 22:01

11 months.
2.5 days per week

Very fortunate that I could work 4 days per week & had grandparents happy to cover the rest.

DC settled into nursery easily & is very sociable and happy

MustardMitt · 05/02/2021 22:01

8 months, 4 days a week although I dropped to three days after about a month. They’re 12 now (twins) have no social issues whatsoever and I’m am very close to both. They both loved nursery but have no memory of it at all.

Little brother didn’t go to nursery until pre-school but I went back to work full time when he was a year old as his father was made redundant. Have a very close relationship with him too.