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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be sad about the wrong cake

106 replies

Firenight · 05/02/2021 15:01

My husband just brought back cake for us all from the cafe. Chocolate for him and one child; sponge for the other child; bakewell for me. I hate bakewell.

In his defence, he knew one of us liked it - the child with sponge cake who does like bakewell was already halfway through his slice.

We've been together nearly 20 years and he doesnt know that I would never choose that!

So AIBU to be feeling down over something so trivial?

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 05/02/2021 18:44

YANBU at all. Looking forward to a treat and getting something you're not keen on is bad enough but getting something you don't like...

hansgrueber · 05/02/2021 18:44

In his defence, he knew one of us liked it

Sounds like my late OH, years ago we were Christmas shopping in Waterstones and, because we always bought each other a book, I pointed at one and said Whatever you get me, I don't want that!

Come Christmas morning and there it was, his excuse was I
remember you mentioned it

SunshineCake · 05/02/2021 18:46

@DavidsSchitt

YANBU. I know how you feel, it's not the cake it's the fact he can't be arsed to remember a simple fact about you.

DP offered me a jelly bean last night. Wanker

Eventually I spelt our to dh that he never needed to offer me a refresher sweet again.

Today he came home with a double decker and six bags of milk bottle sweets. Yum.

KirstenBlest · 05/02/2021 18:51

@hansgrueber, that is definitely a thing. It's happened to me a few times with different people. Infuriating.

Similarly, the question 'Is there anything you don't like?' will give you a list of everything they like.

DappledThings · 05/02/2021 19:02

I hate my birthday in all ways including cake in celebration of it. The only foods I have hated my whole life are strawberries, wafer and cream.

My own mother once made me a birthday cake covered in strawberries and cream. It was odd.

Gemma2019 · 05/02/2021 20:56

Yes I would feel the same. My DH bought me chocolates for Christmas, even going to the trouble of getting a special hamper type thing made of them. They were chocolates I've always detested! It makes you wonder if they know you at all.

ddl1 · 06/02/2021 22:47

DappledThings: I hate my birthday in all ways including cake in celebration of it.

Me too! I actually like cake as such, but cannot bear ANY acknowledgement of my birthday.

I would be disappointed at getting a non-favourite cake from someone who should know that I don't like it, but 'sad' would be too strong a word.

Ameliablue · 06/02/2021 23:09

You are so not being unreasonable, it drives me up the wall that oh still doesn't remember things that I'm very vocal about disliking.

ImnotCarolineHirons · 06/02/2021 23:22

Yanbu there is precious little else to give us joy right now and the fact he didn't THINK carefully to himself, now what would my darling wife really like as a treat? Is so, so disappointing. Just stop and think for one freaking minute and get it right!

kirktonhouse · 06/02/2021 23:26

@hansgrueber

In his defence, he knew one of us liked it

Sounds like my late OH, years ago we were Christmas shopping in Waterstones and, because we always bought each other a book, I pointed at one and said Whatever you get me, I don't want that!

Come Christmas morning and there it was, his excuse was I
remember you mentioned it

Was it 50 shades of grey? Someone bought it for me, I read a couple of pages and chucked it to the back of the bookcase. Guess what DH found and brought to the hospital for me to read when DS was ill?
GoldieHelen · 06/02/2021 23:29

I don’t understand this at all.

One of your dc likes bakewell.

So why didn’t they get the bakewell leaving you with their cake?

Why was it so designated that swaps could not be made?

It’s all very bizarre

Happymum12345 · 06/02/2021 23:31

I absolutely understand, op. I would be sad, very sad.

SirSamuelVimes · 06/02/2021 23:51

@GoldieHelen

I don’t understand this at all.

One of your dc likes bakewell.

So why didn’t they get the bakewell leaving you with their cake?

Why was it so designated that swaps could not be made?

It’s all very bizarre

If you read, she says that the Bakewell eating DC had already consumed most of the other cake, before she realised she had been assigned the Bakewell.
GoldieHelen · 07/02/2021 14:20

But that in itself is weird, no?

I mean did OPs DH stand there giving out the cakes to the dcs? “No no son yours is the sponge cake not the bakewell. That is your mother’s”. Really?

Duggeehugs82 · 07/02/2021 14:25

This is a little off topic , i thought for about 8 years my husbands favourite fruit was plums as he said once he liked them, so everytime i brought fruit i would buy him plums its only around 8 years later he finally told me he dont understand why i keep buying plumbs as hes not that fused! He cannot remember saying he liked them that one time! We joke about it now

VashtaNerada · 07/02/2021 14:33

Such a relatable post! Grin DH does stuff like that all the time. I generally end up sulking and being passive aggressive.

FinallyFluid · 07/02/2021 14:34

I have been married thirty years, I did not change my name when we got married, I was busy, I asked him to book a flight for me, when I went to check in online he had booked it in my "married" name a name I only used at the doctors surgery ref DS.

I handed him the debit card and told him to amend it, he said can't you just bring your wedding certificate ? I replied my passport is in my maiden name, so no I won't thank you very much.

He visibly winced as the airline ripped him off right royally for changing the name.

Funnily enough, he has never done it since. Grin

FinallyFluid · 07/02/2021 14:37

Oh and apologies for going well off topic.

georgarina · 07/02/2021 14:53

Yeah that's the kind of small thing that would still annoy me!

He could have called and checked with you to see what kind you wanted!

It's also just that little 'You've known for X years I've never liked that' feeling.

MumW · 07/02/2021 14:56

YANBU, it's not the cake itself that has made you sad but the total lack of thought.
In that situation your DH should be thinking about what each person definitely likes, so chocolate is DH & DC1's favourite, sponge for DC2 and, "what does DW like" rather than "someone likes Bakewell but not sure who so that'll do for DW".

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 07/02/2021 14:59

If I were feeling fragile (like now, let's face it most of us are) then it would probably be enough to make me cry.

Dh once made me tomato soup on the day of my grandmother's funeral. I hate tomatoes. It did not end well.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 07/02/2021 15:04

I recently got DDs a packet each of the large cookies from the supermarket bakery section. I managed to get one child's first and second favourite, but not the ones the other child likes. I made it up to the next week (and she liked one of the two flavours I bought)

YANBU to be sad about it though.

Jsnn · 07/02/2021 15:06

It's such a trivial thing to remember. It is unreasonable to be expect him to remember but it isn't unreasonable to be upset. Of course you were expecting to get some cake and you are left with something you can't/don't want to eat and you have to watch every one else eat it. Of course that's annoying, but I don't think you should take it out on him.

WhoStoleMyCheese · 07/02/2021 15:11

YANBU. It makes sense that he doesn't know what you hate, but he should at least know what you like. As a couple you must've had countless desserts together. If he said he didn't know your childhood celebrity crush or favourite brand of lipstick it would make sense. But food is something that you'd have consumed together... there's no excuse to not know.

Also if he didn't know who liked what the 'least popular' option (i.e. the bakewell) shoud've been doled out first. Or he should've just bough everyone something safe.
If he didn't immediately find a way to make amends ... make sure the next dinner you cook (if you do the cooking) is something he hates :)

cerisecherries · 07/02/2021 15:13

@GoldieHelen

But that in itself is weird, no?

I mean did OPs DH stand there giving out the cakes to the dcs? “No no son yours is the sponge cake not the bakewell. That is your mother’s”. Really?

No it isn't weird. She could have been doing any number of things and arrived late to the table when the kids had already dived in. Do you have very formal cake eating in your house?