AIBU to be sad about the wrong cake

[Firenight]

My husband just brought back cake for us all from the cafe. Chocolate for him and one child; sponge for the other child; bakewell for me. I hate bakewell.

In his defence, he knew one of us liked it - the child with sponge cake who does like bakewell was already halfway through his slice.

We've been together nearly 20 years and he doesnt know that I would never choose that!

So AIBU to be feeling down over something so trivial?

YANBU, Bakewell is a dodgy cake, it’s not even that cakey.

YABU for not stealing his chocolate cake!

i like Bakwell tart but not the others. Kick him out and send him here.

No, I'd feel the same. My OH went to get a pie the other day and asked if I wanted anything whist he was there. Yes please, a cake. Don't mind which, a vanilla slice, chocolate eclair or something like that.

He came back with a slice of millionaire's shortbread. Whilst I do sometimes like that, it's not cake!! I wanted cream or custardy squidgyness, NOT a piece of shortbread with chocolate and caramel on top!

to be fair, a vanilla slice isn't cake either! No more so than millionaire's shortbread.

I’d be happy with the millionaires shortbread. I had some the other day with white chocolate. It was so good.

Bakewell is amazing. The best cake

Get over your Bakewell prejudice- you will love it

It not about the cake though... it’s about not bothering to remember what you like.

One of my partners adult kids bought him loads of luxury mint soap... he was very gracious about it seeing as the smell of mint is enough to induce vomiting.

It’s the thoughtlessness of ‘oh that will do as a gift’ when if they had paused even for a moment and actually thought about the recipient they would remember he has a lifelong aversion to all things mint!

It wasn't thoughtlessness, Herrera, it was deliberate.

Swap it, and all well, you don't need a UN resolution to do it.

Normally I would say you are being unreasonable but cake! unforgivable.

@ILoveShula

It wasn't thoughtlessness, Herrera, it was deliberate.

The op doesn’t say that.

We've been together nearly 20 years and he doesnt know that I would never choose that!

Id be more irritated than sad, tbh. And I speak as someone who spent 20 years with someone who couldn't remember the date of my birthday, or had any idea what I'd like as a gift so never surprised me, or what sandwich/cake Id prefer in a cafe, and always got stuff I hated. Things that dont take much effort.to get right.

Get over your Bakewell prejudice- you will love it

Good gods no! I really, really can't stand almonds. I can smell them a mile off. On the upside, I'd be able to smell cyanide!

@PurpleDaisies, OP isn't Herrera.

On the face of it it seems relatively small but presumably he knows you don't like bakewell so getting it for you was very thoughtless. Is this symptomatic of a larger issue?

Did he at least offer you his own cake? And are you expected to remember his likes and dislikes?

I've been with my husband nearly 20 years, I never noticed he didn't like tea until lock down. I'd be sad though, did he not offer you his cake? That's the important thing though.

I don't like bakewell either and would be most annoyed.
DH has a habit of bringing the wrong things. He mostly lives in the doghouse.

That really would annoy me - because why bring back Bakewell when everyone likes chocolate and vanilla? (I love Bakewell flavouring, but I found it rank as a child.)

One of my children doesn’t like tomatoes and one doesn’t like cucumbers and despite being together 24/7 for the best part of a year for the life of me I can never remember which one. It’s not personal!

Don't feel down, send him back tomorrow with orders to get you two of your favourite cake.

You have every right to be sad! Watching your family tuck into their treats while you're left out. Yes it's trivial in the grand scheme of things but problems are relative. Perfectly normal to feel down because your DH of 20 years couldn't pick out something nice for you.

The only reasonable thing for your DH to do is swap your cake for his.

My DH consistently buys me chocolate brownie if asked to get some cake from a cafe. I'll eat it but not really a fan. I remind him politely that I'd prefer something else every time he presents it to me.

I keep a list of "Reasons why I should divorce my DH". The chocolate brownie is near the top. If I ever snap and decide to get rid of him, I plan to email him the list as justification for my decision.

You get the cakes next time for yourself & kids, bring him an 🍏 apple & tell him that you know that he’d prefer it.

YANBU to be sad. YWouldBU if you were fumming, though.