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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Did you have loving parents AND financial privilege?

102 replies

Waterlilllies · 03/02/2021 20:58

I seem to know lots of people who have had one or the other from my generation. Nowadays I think it's more typical to have both?

Personally I come from a family of wonderfully loving women, great role models, but had a rubbish absent dad. I am old now so it doesn't matter in any real sense, but sometimes I see something about the father- daughter relationship and think oh, what would that have been like...

Did anyone have warm, loving parents and also things like private school that nurtured your talents, or did you have your own pony? Did you have lovely birthday parties?

Did you have lots of little advantages to smooth the path into independence, and do you feel fortunate now?

If this was you, what was the most magical bit of your childhood or young adulthood? Indulge me, I'm having a crap, dull day and would love to live vicariously reading about other people's memories

I just think that when parental love combines with enough money, it seems to make for a childhood that is as close to perfect as you can get.

OP posts:

trunumber · 03/02/2021 21:01

Truthfully I don't think the money really matters (obviously enough money to survive matters) my parents both loved me. They were divorced, sometimes dad was very wealthy (I had horses etc) and sometimes very poor (scraping money together for milk) it's made no difference to my memories. They were happy because I was loved, not because there was or wasn't money

Frenchfancy · 03/02/2021 21:05

I had neither, I am trying to give my DC both.

Original poster

Waterlilllies · 03/02/2021 21:06

@trunumber

Yes, I know you are right, essentially. Of course money is only important to a certain point, namely being able to feed and clothe your kids.

But there's something wonderful about being able to have those horses They do make for nice memories.

There is a value in being able to pursue your interests because you have the money to do so.

OP posts:

Princessofarabia · 03/02/2021 21:07

Yes I had both and I am truly grateful

StiffyByng1 · 03/02/2021 21:09

I had neither.

GreatExpectationalized · 03/02/2021 21:10

A life without challenges, be they emotional or environmental, may risk producing someone who has yet to develop depth, resilience, humility, compassion for the suffering of those lacking advantages.
Of course this is not a hard and fast rule and there are exceptions to everything, in the opposite direction, too.

Also, I’m equally curious to read about other's happy memories...

KatyClaire · 03/02/2021 21:11

Yes. I grew up in very privileged circumstances (prestigious private school, ponies, foreign holidays, lovely house etc.) and my parents are incredibly generous, warm, kind people who raised me well and were consistently supportive and loving. I have an excellent relationship with them both now.

I am acutely aware of how privileged I am, and how much my life has been shaped by them. I have a good career and a happy life and I know that is in large part down to how much help and support they have given me.

I feel very strongly that it’s my duty to act in a way which levels the playing field and helps others access the advantages I have had. I’m very left wing and socialist, largely because I know how lucky I am and I want others to have the same opportunities and support as I did.

ColourMeExhausted · 03/02/2021 21:12

I had both - well, parents not rich as such but well off and sensible enough with money to support me and DB through university. I am hugely grateful, every day. I know I've been very lucky.

Marinaloves · 03/02/2021 21:12

Most people I know that had both. And nothing ever bad really happened to them, really were aresholes!
Just so entitled.
I don’t know why.

CheesePleaseLoueese · 03/02/2021 21:12

Yes I had both. Pretty much unbounded love (from my parents) and a ton of financial security.

But my parents' relationship with one another was awful. Constant sniping. Toxic behaviour. It was horrible to witness sometimes. They nevertheless stayed together.

And it's that aspect of my childhood which I wish I could have changed/ often think about! I'd far rather that they had been happy with one another - or happy apart.

ColourMeExhausted · 03/02/2021 21:13

Exactly @KatyClaire I feel the same way. I work with vulnerable and disadvantaged children and it's heartbreaking to see how many families are struggling.

ALoadOfGrief · 03/02/2021 21:14

I had neither

JustPootlingAlong · 03/02/2021 21:15

My parents weren't rich but as far as I am aware, never struggled for money.
I had ponies as a child and did pony club but attended state schools.
My parents are very loving and supportive and I have a great relationship with them now but it was very rocky before I moved out!

speakout · 03/02/2021 21:16

Neither.

Toorapid · 03/02/2021 21:17

I had a very secure childhood. I'm not sure if you'd call my parents "warm" but they were (are) reliably always there for us.

I'd consider we also had financial priveledge, in that we had piano lessons, holidays and a detached house, but not private school or ponies. My parents somehow manage to be frugal and generous. So, happy to splash out on good quality shoes, but we would never have been bought a designer sweater, for example. Toys and other "luxuries" were strictly birthdays and Christmas only.

I'm incredibly grateful for this upbringing, I think it's the built self confidence to do our own thing, at the same time as knowing there's a net there if it goes wrong.

JorisBonson · 03/02/2021 21:17

Great parents, no money. At all.

Hottesttrikeintown · 03/02/2021 21:18

I’m similar to pp. Very financially secure and lovely lovely parents who adore us and very close siblings but (seemingly) hate each other and are awful to each other.

Chrysanthemum5 · 03/02/2021 21:20

I didn't but DH grew up with very loving parents who emotionally supported all their children even if they didn't agree with their life choices. They were pretty poor at first, then comfortable, and in the last few years wealthy as my FIL sold his business. I grew up in poverty and in an abusive household - I am most jealous of the love he got from his parents more than the money to be honest. My DH and his siblings are all secure in the love and don't feel like they have to do anything to have that love which I think is incredible.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 03/02/2021 21:22

Yes.i had both. Not private school but comfortably off parents, no shortage of music lessons, lovely family holidays, new bikes at christmas, driving lesson, tutoring for one of my a-level subjects etc. Plus money to help with university costs. However my parents focus was always education education education, there was an expectation I would make sensible choices, manage money well and work hard at school & my career, they supported me well until I finished university but thereafter any financial support was at an end. No living at home for years rent free etc.

I'm close to my parents now as an adult and share their values.

Strokethefurrywall · 03/02/2021 21:27

I'll be the first to admit I had (have) both a wonderful, loving, incredible, nurturing family and a financially comfortable upbringing.

I spent the last few years of primary in an exceptional private school and then onto a good grammar school.

The beauty of my childhood and youthful years was that my parents were frugal and smart, we were never spoilt, never got designer gear, never got what we asked for because we wanted it.

My parents were first generation immigrants (from different countries), who were able to forge a successful life in the UK and so the "attitude of gratitude" was always foremost.

The main take always from my childhood:

parents who loved me no matter what or how much of a shitty teen I was
Parents who supported me and made it clear there was nothing I couldn't do if it put my mind to it;
parents who taught me to value myself (not that I really listened to this advice!)
parents who taught me values
a large wider family where we all love each other, socialized together and got together regularly

Even now I live 5000 miles away from my family and we remain close, speak regularly and whenever I get back to UK we have a big party to celebrate. I still feel supported and loved by my family with the added bonus of my parents encouraging me to spread my wings and fly away even if they would have preferred I remain close.

I used to ask my brother and sister if I looked at our upbringing with rose tinted glasses, and they confirmed that I didn't. We were truly lucky to have had the childhood that we did, have the family we have and the privilege that we were born into (not just financial privilege).

I can only hope that I can replicate the joy and love and support for my boys that my parents did for my siblings and I.

BMW6 · 03/02/2021 21:27

Certainly loving parents, certainly financially challenged shall we say.

ValpolicellaPrimitivo · 03/02/2021 21:28

I had/have both.

No private school or ponies ( could have been afforded) but my brother and I didn't want for anything. Lovely holidays, driving lessons, put on the car insurance, didn't work whilst studying at uni just in the holidays. We also both received a large lump sums on our 21st birthdays which we both used to buy a house. We've been given smaller sums into adulthood to try and reduce inheritance tax.

They were always supportive, engaged and loving. My parents retired at 50 and continue to provide me, DH and DS with all the love possible. It's been a hard few years with PND and developmental concerns about DS but my parents have been wonderful as always, I'm very lucky.

Chattercino · 03/02/2021 21:32

I had loving parents and I think we were comfortable (detached house on nice road, but no foreign holidays or flashy cars). I had the happiest childhood and count myself extremely lucky. I loved our family holidays to Wales, and my second hand bike. I don't think money is what matters here....

GlitterInMySoul · 03/02/2021 21:33

We were fairly comfortable financially. had good education, private schools, university fees paid for. most of my friends had the same. No sense of entitlement though amongst any of us. We were comfortable rather than rich though.

The lack of entitlement may have been because my father's family came from nothing and he was always very worried about money. My mum came from upper middle class home and like to buy lots of clothes. My father would get very upset over that which made me feel growing up like one day We would end up in poverty!

Waxonwaxoff0 · 03/02/2021 21:34

No. My mum loved me but she suffered with severe depression so she struggled. My dad was barely in the picture. My mum was a single parent not earning much so we struggled financially.

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