Did you have loving parents AND financial privilege?

[Waterlilllies]

I seem to know lots of people who have had one or the other from my generation. Nowadays I think it's more typical to have both?

Personally I come from a family of wonderfully loving women, great role models, but had a rubbish absent dad. I am old now so it doesn't matter in any real sense, but sometimes I see something about the father- daughter relationship and think oh, what would that have been like...

Did anyone have warm, loving parents and also things like private school that nurtured your talents, or did you have your own pony? Did you have lovely birthday parties?

Did you have lots of little advantages to smooth the path into independence, and do you feel fortunate now?

If this was you, what was the most magical bit of your childhood or young adulthood? Indulge me, I'm having a crap, dull day and would love to live vicariously reading about other people's memories

I just think that when parental love combines with enough money, it seems to make for a childhood that is as close to perfect as you can get.

To an extent, I had both - my parents were, and still are, wonderful, loving individuals. As a child, there was nothing that me and DSis wanted for in day to day life (they could afford to send us on school trips, we grew up in a nice house, had nice holidays etc) but we were never sent to private school etc (we were 5 mins along the road from a perfectly good state school) - my parents instead have put that money into accounts for my sister and I to have when we need it (wedding, buying first home etc) I'll be forever grateful for the support my parents have given me.

I had, and have, very loving parents. Financially, things varied. My dad was very successful in the mid to late 80s, so my parents were at the opera house, designer clothes and everything. He ran a childswear company, so we got a lot of fancy clothes bought in Paris as examples of what was trendy for their designers. Lived in large, detached house in a London suburb. I didn't appreciate until I was older how much better off I was than most people, as I met a wider social circle from secondary school onwards.

My brother was privately educated at secondary, sister and I at grammar as I didn't want to go to a girl's school. By that point my dad's business had gone under due to competition from much cheaper suppliers based in Asia - I much later asked my mum that, had I wanted to go to the private school, would they have found a way, and she said of course they would. I was always told how lucky I was, how it was spoiled to expect or demand expensive things so I always appreciated the value of things and have never been a big spender.

We had one UK weekend away with friends and one fairly pricey summer holiday each year - never package, usually a villa in France or Italy, other than the years after the business folded, where we had cheaper holidays usually going by ferry or in UK. My parents kept the house but, I realised much later, only because my grandparents downsized at the time - they must have given them the money to keep afloat.

I just missed the intro of uni fees, so didn't have that issue. Sadly, my dad's sister died young, when I was in my teens, but she left my siblings and I a fairly valuable flat, so we were all able to put a good deposit on property in our early 20s. My grandfather, who had worked his way 'up' from a working class East London childhood also took a lot of care to invest and build up a legacy for us, so we are definitely privileged that way.

Parents have always been supportive, literally never had an argument with them since I was a toddler I think! They were always eminently reasonable, never picked battles about superficial things and just believed in us (I am youngets of 3) - there was never any 'We expect you to achieve this or that', we just knew they trusted us and didn't want to betray that trust by not working hard, or by doing anything that would derail our lives.

So I would say I had a pretty amazing childhood - not without its tough parts, but my parents made everything as good as it could be under any given circumstances.

Neither, although we weren’t struggling financially so modest holidays and decent Christmas presents. Mum had terrible mental health, dad cold and abusive at times - walking on egg shells as he could be nice sometimes.

DH’s parents were cold middle class, physically abusive at times, some private schooling, help with uni and house deposit. He’s done well without feeling unconditionally loved and supported so I do think money can make a big difference. It’s not just money but seeing that it can be done eg go to university and work in a professional field. And how to behave and speak to others, small talk etc. He has some issues but is mostly very loving to our kids, who have SEN and anxiety. We’re both very affectionate to the kids and each other, but not anyone else, despite not receiving this ourselves.

I wonder how well I’d have done with money eg private school, and a stable (not necessarily loving) home life. It’s heartbreaking and I can only make amends through my own kids.

Had both but was bullied at school - I think there are so many factors making up a good/bad childhood

‘No to both. Grew up very very poor, honestly that did not impact my happiness. My parents were cunts that fucked me up.

Having ✌️ loving parents who doted on me, loved me... In spite of an absolute hellish home life, violence, acholism... Lost family home..

Having got to midlife I am in still in awe of people whose parents don't love them or want them.

I do feel that was the strongest thing...
And I was raised in expensive part of world in expensive house that was cold!! But now I dream about it regularly.. The space!!

I grew up in a small town. Loving parents. We were not poor but Mom budgeted carefully and my parents really set priorities. Like spending on camping holidays not trendy shoes. I only remember eating out once, which seems amazing.

Mom was stay at home and Dad had a civil service job in engineering.

We went to Brownies and Guides, sang in a church choir etc. played outside all day in the summer with neighborhood kids.

There were only state schools but they prepared us well for university if you worked hard. Siblings now are professionals in healthcare and engineering.

When I was 16 my parents bought a run down cabin on a nearby lake and fixed it up so we had summer holidays there. Great fun waterskiing, campfires etc. I was very fortunate. DH and my kids also benefited from the cabin.

Birthday parties happened for all, usually just family. I do have pictures of birthday parties with friends when I was small.

We were actually very laid back and relaxed but from a parents perspective we ensured that our children had all the opportunities to. go to a decent primary school,grammar school. All happy adults.

Not growing up, we were stony broke, on free school meals and hand me downs.
First tv was at the age of 7, telephone in the hall when I was 12. We didn't really have much furniture either. But we were very loved and I have a very close relationship with my parents.

As an adult my parents came into money and have been very generous over the last few decades.

I had both and I feel very lucky that I did. My life has been very easy compared to so many people. It wasn’t perfect and my parents aren’t without their own issues but they did their best and my childhood was lovely.

(I live in Canada for context here) I grew up on a farm surrounded by family (grandparents/cousins). My sister, cousins and I spent summer in the pool or playing in the forrest on our farm or riding our horses/ponies. We went skating and sledging and had snowmobiles. We made forts and got dirty and it was brilliant. We weren’t rich or anything but were well enough off and my parents were very supportive of my education and pushed me just enough.

I feel sort or guilty writing that. I do realize how privileged I was in so many ways. I’m so thankful for the childhood I had.

@GreatExpectationalized

A life without challenges, be they emotional or environmental, may risk producing someone who has yet to develop depth, resilience, humility, compassion for the suffering of those lacking advantages. Of course this is not a hard and fast rule and there are exceptions to everything, in the opposite direction, too.

Also, I’m equally curious to read about other's happy memories...

However people with too many challenges seem to develop anxiety and depression...

My dad and his brothers did, now all my cousins are growing up/have grown up in a similar way -comfortable middle class lifestyle, nice loving families- (I'm the eldest at 33, youngest is 10ish)

DBro and I had lots of love but not much money as DC (my dad had health problems and didn't work for most of my childhood, he's much healthier and working now in his late 50s).

"Outcomes" eg, education, having good relationships for the older ones, don't seem much different for my brother and I and my more well-off cousins. Only difference is we've not had any help to buy so are both still renting (we did get uni help via our grandparents though).

My parents were divorced. My Dad was a total fuck up, made incredibly poor choices and there was no money (his fault). He was always disinterested in me and has never been there for me emotionally. I learned from a young age that it was better to just shut up, not have an opinion and NEVER question him.

My mum faired slightly better on the financial front and I had clothes and was taken places, but she had mental health problems, a fiery temper and I was very wary of her.

My childhood has made me very resilient. I paid my way through university, my first house. I've never had any financial support from either of them. However I'm also very guarded, I find it incredibly difficult to trust people.

I'm determined my own child will not have the same experiences as me. So far, all going well!

We didn't have money but my mum was amazing. My dad less so. They grew up in real poverty - both pulled out of school at 13 or so to go to work. My mum wanted us to have every opportunity so even though we lived on a tough council estate until I was 10 and they both worked minimum wage jobs or a little over minimum wage, she somehow managed to give us tons of opportunities. Hobbies, music lessons, holidays. The fact we would go to university was a given. We never considered otherwise.

She put herself into debt to achieve these things no doubt, but it paid off. It's proved to me that a loving, supportive parent is the single most important thing a child needs to flourish.

I had both. Nice house, good school, foreign holidays. Not wildly wealthy or anything like that but we were planted firmly in the “middle class” bracket I suppose. Loving parents. It was great. I feel lucky. I played instruments, did tons of sport, had days out to nice places. I won’t lie and say that those things didn’t matter, only parental love mattered, because they did and I was incredibly fortunate.

My mum was a SAHP for my primary school years and my memories of that time seem to be sunshine filled days in our big garden or fabulous, sumptuous Christmases with grandparents and lots of lovely food and treats.

In my teen years my dad was taxi driver in chief. They facilitated a great social life for me outside the home with different clubs and activities I enjoyed. They knew all my friends and my friends all liked them back. Then I went to uni and they still knew all my friends. They’re just interested in me and my siblings.

I had loving parents and we were comfortable , I didn’t go to private school but my mum was always at home and we did have an idyllic ( for us) childhood with our own horses and no real issues .

“A life without challenges, be they emotional or environmental, may risk producing someone who has yet to develop depth, resilience, humility, compassion for the suffering of those lacking advantages.“

I don’t really agree with you in this context. The children in a classroom who are most able to overcome adversity are the ones that are well-fed, clean, have slept a full night, haven’t been hit/screamed at/belittled. If your assertion was true, the statistics would be that children who grew up in poverty would be the doctors, lawyers etc of the future as they’re the ones able to withstand the rigours of that pathway. But of course it’s mostly the children of MC parents who do that because they don’t have to worry about basic survival. Of course it’s true to say that those with certain trials or trauma are able to/more used to dealing with those things. Like if you grew up in poverty you’ll have more resilience to survive poverty but surely we don’t want to live in a society where anyone has to be resilient to poverty.

Financially there for us. Dad paid international student fees for a long university degree. Emotionally unable to support us due to various difficult family/cultural dynamics. It's helped my siblings and I in terms of how we interact with our kids.

I think both those things are over-rated in terms of advantage or "easing the path". So many attributes - desire to be independent, ambition, motivation, focus - come from the individual themselves and cannot be nurtured.

I certainly think that being spoilt or cossetted/over-protected is a huge disadvantage. A private education is seen as an advantage, yet state school pupils do better once they are in university. I know so many people who have been given everything they ever wanted as children and had extremely loving parents who have achieved very little as adults and often don't work at all and live on small trust funds/inheritances.

So my favourite memories from childhood are filled with doing things, learning skills that would equip me well as an adult, pushing my boundaries, having adventures. Lovely birthday parties are something a 9 year old might cherish but beyond that...the world is full of opportunities and IMHO the best thing parents can do is to equip their child with the view that there are no limits on what they can achieve.

My parents had their faults but not once did they ever tell me I couldn't do something. Sexism was unknown in our family, and as a result, I've never felt held back by it. When it has happened to me, I've dealt with it swiftly and effectively and it hasn't troubled me again.

And yes, I did have my own pony (its funny how seem to regard this in a cliched way) but I paid for him myself, he was very cheap and I worked for his keep. And we lived in a very rural area, so there were lots of farms and landowners around me which facilitated it and which also improved my confidence in having to deal with strangers. Theres also nothing quite like the sense of responsibility that comes at the age of 13 from ordering your own hay for the winter, making sure you order the right number of bales and arranging stacking and storage!

I had enough of both to consider myself privileged and fortunate. All I really want out of life is to try and provide the same for my children, and give them a platform to go on and so the same for their children.

I had neither really.

Childhood wasn’t abusive but emotionally very difficult - alcohol, violence (between parents), eventual divorce, father and brother suffering mental illness.
We weren’t poor in that the house was heated, fridge full and we always had clothes but no holidays (bar use of an aunts caravan) and certainly no backing in terms of housing ladder etc

I don’t think the greatest gift you can give your children is deposits, ponies, private education.
Sometimes having everything handed to you can make you spoiled.

However I think emotional stability is one of the greatest gifts a child can get. Knowing they are safe and loved and that a parent is in charge is so important

Attentive Dad and financial privilege is sadly not my experience. But I do have a number of close friends who have benefitted from both.

You mention the father daughter relationship; I too wish that had been my experience. I look at my friends and wonder if they appreciate the blessing their dad's have been to them.

The flip side for these friends is that the bar is high when they are dating; some wait decades for someone who will live up to their Dad.

Loving but v poor when young. Loving and more affluent when I was at uni.

Working to give my children the same.

Very privileged childhood. No money but love, stability, support and closeness.

I had a magical childhood, happy, financially secure and a very close family.

We lived in a big house with a big garden, front and back with no one overlooking us and fields stretching away in front of the house. Lots of snowy winters and warm long summers playing outisde with my siblings. Mum didnt work so was always at home and we had lovely home cooked meals every night. Lots of pets, cats/rabbits/hamsters/fish.
Summer hols in France every year were my highlight, we would count down the weeks til we went every Sunday lunchtime. Catching the midnight ferry and knowing we had 2 or 3 weeks of French sunshine, croissants, baguettes, swimming, surfing and star gazing ahead of us was beyond exciting.
My parents are still very happy now, my siblings and I are all happily married and financially secure.
I am aware I am beyond lucky and count my blessings to be so everyday.

I had both
Not private school although they could have paid for it.
When I was tiny they had little money, but by the time I was 8 they were very comfortable. Not wealthy but not worrying about money and my parents fully funded my degree and a house deposit.

I spent my whole childhood playing on ponies though. I hope to be able to do the same for DD but I am far less well off sadly. It might not be possible for us to fund Uni and House.