Did you have loving parents AND financial privilege?

[Waterlilllies]

I seem to know lots of people who have had one or the other from my generation. Nowadays I think it's more typical to have both?

Personally I come from a family of wonderfully loving women, great role models, but had a rubbish absent dad. I am old now so it doesn't matter in any real sense, but sometimes I see something about the father- daughter relationship and think oh, what would that have been like...

Did anyone have warm, loving parents and also things like private school that nurtured your talents, or did you have your own pony? Did you have lovely birthday parties?

Did you have lots of little advantages to smooth the path into independence, and do you feel fortunate now?

If this was you, what was the most magical bit of your childhood or young adulthood? Indulge me, I'm having a crap, dull day and would love to live vicariously reading about other people's memories

I just think that when parental love combines with enough money, it seems to make for a childhood that is as close to perfect as you can get.

I had neither

Neither.

I nannied (lived in, so saw it all) for a couple of genuinely fantastic families with plenty of dosh. They were great parent’s and employers and only had me because of long hours in the week- they were very hands on and clearly loved being with the kids. They had their London homes they had second homes, kids private schooled (obviously) and all the perks.

The kids are lovely, great manners and good company but one has been seriously depressed since her teens, one has an obvious eating disorder and another is just a bit odd.
I found it reassuring that for all the privilege and good parenting, children still become normal adults with issues.

Christ if we measured parenting in pony club and private school then I and my DPs would fail - you can be "dirt" poor and still be loving and give a child all they need

I had a very loving stable homelife and my parents were financially comfortable but not wealthy. But I think that's worked in my favour. They have been able to and wanted to help out financially when possible i.e. for uni and first car etc but I've never been spoilt. I do think it's given me a sense of security but also led me to be a little too reliant on them.

I didn't realise just how rich we were until I look back at my childhood. It was idyllic. Loving parents (who are about to celebrate their golden wedding anniversary), prestigious private school education throughout, uni paid for, car, etc and £100k deposit for my first flat.

I speak to my parents every day. They taught my sibling and me great values. We had Saturday jobs (stacking shelves in the local convenience store). My parents matched what we earned to encourage a work ethic. I worked throughout uni - all year round and this was my spending money. They acted as our cheerleaders, coaches, confidants, etc. and gave us love, guidance and support. I can tell/ask them anything. It's a huge comfort knowing they're there for me.

To put no finer point on it: I am extraordinarily lucky.

No ponies though - even though I begged for one!

I was lucky enough to have both. Financially, my dad had a very stressful but lucrative career so we had Private school, foreign holidays, big house/ garden in country.

Parents weren’t overtly extravagant (no pony!🤣) and always ensured we were aware that we were privileged. Although we were obviously extremely lucky we weren’t spoilt with excessive presents, treats, material stuff. Folks have also done a lot of voluntary and charity work. They were quite strict in terms of boundaries and mutual respect, but not so much in terms of rigid rules etc.

My parents were (and are!) also very warm, loving and kind. My dad struggles to express himself emotionally sometimes (an only child who went to boarding school in the 50s from age 6) but has always made it clear how much he loves and values us. My mum told me once aged about 15 that ‘his family is really the only thing that matters to dad in this world’.

Don’t get me wrong, they’re not perfect (nobody is obviously!) and we had plenty of arguments but the more difficult bits came in the teenage years There are things that I wish were a bit different about some of their approaches and i know they feel the same about me! But overall I couldn’t have asked for more really.

My childhood was as close to perfect as I can imagine and I’m extremely grateful. The thing that stands out the most is a sense of ‘belonging’. I don’t know how else to describe it - from as early as I can remember I felt like I ‘fitted’ into the family and was loved and accepted. When I had a nightmare I used to jump between my parents in their bed and I can vividly remember the instant feeling of complete safety and protection.

It honestly breaks my heart when I hear about children that don’t feel loved, safe or wanted. I hope I can make my DC as happy as I was.

@Higgeldypiggeldy35

I had a very loving stable homelife and my parents were financially comfortable but not wealthy. But I think that's worked in my favour. They have been able to and wanted to help out financially when possible i.e. for uni and first car etc but I've never been spoilt. I do think it's given me a sense of security but also led me to be a little too reliant on them.

Yes, I think that's key. Comfortable and caring enough to give (adult) children the security of knowing they'll never be on the streets, if disaster strikes, but not so comfortable that those same children don't need to support themselves. I don't think it's at all good for anyone to have a house they didn't pay for, for example. There's tremendous self worth to be had from knowing you worked for what you have, albeit in the knowledge that the ability to do that came from a background of some priveledge.

I had both. Not much surplus money after private school, but enough for a lovely house by the sea, lots of boats to play on etc.

My parents were great, we are still very close. My dad was a little scary at times, and my mum had a few mental health problems and some physical health problems in my late teens, but all in all I look back at my childhood with a rosy glow.

We have less money than my parents did, there won't be private school for our kids etc. But such is life. We are all very happy. We both had help to buy our first places, and have always been able to go to our parents for financial help if stuck. It should be said that my parents didn't have as much money when we were kids, they say now they were always in the overdraft and the high interest rates nearly did for them. There weren't lots of clothes and presents etc. They have since made a bit of money on property prices etc and are very comfortable.

Dh had similar. No private school, but 4 kids with a sahm in a lovely house, all 4 children still very close to this day.

I wouldn't say that either of us have any sense of entitlement. Dh teases me a little for my supposed posh girl upbringing, but acknowledges his good fortune. I would send our kids to private school if we could afford it, he wouldn't unless for specific need.

I loved my childhood, felt safe and secure, very present parents and large network locally of good mums and dads. Very safe happy environment to grow up in.

Financially we were not rich, but equally I never wanted for anything. Both parents in professional jobs and I went to the local state school - it was a good school with a diverse cohort and I had a lot of friends who have remained life long pals. We had great parties!

Holidays consisted of camping in Wales or Yorkshire with family friends alongside road trips to the South of France. Not expensive holidays but they were adventures that were character building. I learnt map- reading when mum flew to the S of France after a back operation and Dad drove me and my sister to meet her there. I navigated my Dad the whole way age 15 using a road Atlas. I think it's the thing he is most proud of me for.

My parents had a liberal attitude and gave me love and security coupled with freedom and independence. My happy upbringing was more to do with their attitude than anything financial.

1 loving but struggling parent
1 absent, tightwad, disinterested parent
Poor as fuck.

Neither.

I had, still have wonderful loving parents and grandparents who also lived with us. Private school, pony/horse which was always & still is my passion.
Beautiful old Victorian house with huge rooms & 2 acre garden. It needed renovating & my Mum did a lot if the work and the painting, wallpapering, tiling. She also worked full time, God knows how she managed it all.
My parents didn't come from wealthy backgrounds, my Dad made his money in advertising in the 80's. We weren't bought tons of stuff, remember my Mum going ballistic when I bought a pair of secondhand ripped Levi's, said she had to work 2hrs to earn them.

Dad was made redundant at one point. I had to sell my horse and they had to ask to postpone payment for our school fees. He bounced back though & started his own company & things got better again.

They travelled the country with my brother and I to watch us play sport & were really supportive in everything we did.

They had lots of dinner parties and summer parties, fun ones with dancing & singing. When we were older our friends were always welcome & we used to walk back from the pub & crash is the attic room.

One of the best things was having my Grandparents move in with us & convert one side of the ground floor into an annexe. I just loved having them with us.

One thing it took me a long time to realise though was the value of money. Although I had a part time job from age 15, I never really appreciated the effort it took to earn proper money. I had uneccesary credit card debts at university. I also never actually clicked that I'd have to get a deposit together for a house. It was never really talked about and I lived with my parents on and off til I was about 28. Even after that most of my earnings went to pay for my horses.

I do feel incredibly privileged but growing up it was just normal for me, my friends were all from school & I didn't know about life outside that.

Another who had both. But not wealthy enough for ponies or private school.
But secure enough to never feel worried about finances and parents who were 100% available, reliable and dependable.
Like a previous pp, mine would splash out on decent school shoes (when I wanted the cheap patents) and toys only for birthdays or Christmas. But they were fab and Im truly grateful for the leg up coming from a secure home gave me.

Nowadays I think it's more typical to have both?

What bastion of wealth are you broadcasting from that you’re so insulated as to call it “typical”?

I had a really weird combination of big house in affluent area and I went to grammar school, had nice manners etc BUT my childhood was extremely unloving and abusive. I was punched, kicked, starved etc in a very regular basis. So I looked like I had privilege but really I didn’t. My sister has always said that if we came from a council house, maybe someone would have noticed how abused we were.

Yes had the most loving parents, private schools, private health care, amazing holidays and help with buying a flat when the time came. And I appreciate it every single day. I know how lucky I am and I don't take it for granted.

Never had a pony though no matter how much I begged

Yes I feel very lucky. My childhood doesn't sound that good on paper as my mam had been married three times by the time I was 10. However my two stepdads are wonderful. My real dad is a decent man too all round but he's not the one I would ring if the car broke down. That would be one of my stepdads.

We moved abroad as expats on a high salary to interesting countries, went to private schools, had maids, travelled the world.

Came home and have had support financial and otherwise every step of the way from parents. Buying a house, bailing out of negative equity, buying cars, they pay for two or three holidays a year for us, probably spend £60 a week on food shopping for us, drop baking off (when we can't see eachother due to covid). My mother was very poor as a child and I think that's why she likes to spend on us. She doesn't buy designer handbags and stuff like that, just helps her kids. I will do the same for mine although we aren't on the same salary.

Me and my youngest brother feel amazingly lucky. I've never come up against anything that I didn't feel I couldn't deal with because of them. My other brother is another story which I won't go into.

@Marinaloves

Most people I know that had both. And nothing ever bad really happened to them, really were aresholes! Just so entitled. I don’t know why.

Maybe because they had both.

I had neither.
I think my children are lucky enough to have both.

Yes I had both. Nice farmhouse in the country, ponies, holidays abroad when most people stayed at home. But I’d like to think that I wasn’t spoiled and was taught to appreciate things/work for things myself. I absolutely had to do all the work for looking after the ponies. Nobody ever helped me, rain or shine. Our holidays abroad were amazing, but we never went to posh hotels or resorts, even though we were abroad we camped or hired rooms in Greek islands from locals etc. We never had posh cars etc. My dad earned a good wage but was frugal. He bought our farmhouse derelict for a steal - nobody wanted something off grid at that point, they all wanted houses on the new 1960s housing estate (which cost three time’s what the farm cost, but now are worth three time’s less!).

Neither.

I was incredibly lucky to have both.

My mum died when I was 19. I'm now 40 and have plenty of inherited money, a great career built on the privileges that my private education gave me, but if I could choose between having love and money i would pick my mum every time. Honesty I'd take 40 years of abject poverty to have her here.

At times we had both.

My mum was always very loving - my dad was like a stereotypical 50s dad - wasn't really arsed about us unless we were doing something to make him proud (or angry!) but he wasn't cruel or anything. I don't have that many memories of my dad because he was just...there.

We had money from about 1997 onwards when my dad graduated his OU degree and started earning shedloads of money; prior to that we'd been on the verge of repossession at least once. I didn't know this until recently though.

Don't get me wrong, we had our issues and my parents split when I was 18, but I felt privileged then and I recognise it now.