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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you would buy something for your other half even if YOU didn’t see the value?

100 replies

Strawberryfelineforever · 03/02/2021 15:37

So Valentine’s Day is coming up and future DH and I have bought each other gifts. We were also planning to have a lovely takeaway evening as we haven’t spent much time together in weeks, which I would pay for. I asked if he could pick up a bottle of my favourite champagne to go with our food. I would like to be surprised but I know if I don’t ask he wouldn’t have thought of it. When he discovered the price he said no as it’s expensive and he won’t drink much of it. It’s about 40 pounds. If he doesn’t think it’s reasonable then I am happy to buy it myself but my question is, would you buy something like that for your other half because you knew it was their favourite even if you didn’t personally see the point/ thought it was too extravagant?

OP posts:
HugeAckmansWife · 03/02/2021 15:44

umm yes of course - if its a present for the other person it doesn't matter if I would want it or not. My DP does the opposite - buys me things, mostly tech, that he thnks I should want, However, it was to share rathe than a gift its bit different I suppose - maybe he'd rather buy a nice bottle of red or something.

grey12 · 03/02/2021 15:47

£40 for a bottle is pricey. Maybe he never spends that much on a bottle of alcohol and thinks the expense is pointless.

DH likes videogames. I on the contrary have never played them (DF was against consoles) so I think the price of consoles and games is completely and utterly absurd and ridiculous. He had PS 3, 4 and wants 5 Confused

DynamoKev · 03/02/2021 15:49

Yes I do this yanbu

mindutopia · 03/02/2021 15:50

Yes, as a gift, dh asked for a stupidly expensive very cold weather sleeping bag for Christmas. I don't see the point and realistically I can't see when he'll use it as it's not like he has time to go camping (but I guess he's hopeful that maybe it will be more possible in the winter when work is quieter). Though I guess it depends on if it was framed as getting something you'd both enjoy as a joint treat, rather than a gift. If dh said let's get this really expensive meal to share and I didn't think I'd enjoy it, I'd probably say actually why not get this (less expensive) option that we would both enjoy. If it was just for him, yes, I'd get the champagne, but if it was to share, I might prefer something we both like. Or obviously, if money was no object, I'd get both.

Flickoffboris · 03/02/2021 15:51

I probably wouldn't, but then I really like cremant and think champagne is overpriced.
Personally £40 is far too much for a bottle at home.

ShemShem · 03/02/2021 15:52

Erm yeah, that's the point in a gift is it not?

GreenSlide · 03/02/2021 15:52

Not for Valentine's Day, which is a load of shite. Maybe for his birthday.

2020iscancelled · 03/02/2021 15:53

If it was a gift then yes I’d buy it even if I personally didn’t see the value in it.

I suppose with this one it’s a bit trickier - if he sees it as part of the meal and not a gift then that’s a bit different I think. Would you be spending 40£ on the takeaway? Probably not far off if you’re going for Indian or similar....

I don’t know. Part of me thinks if you’re shouting the takeaway then it’s irrelevant if he’s drinking the champagne or not. It’s total cost of a nice evening split down the middle.

But then also, if I was only having one glass of a 40£ bottle of champagne I’d rather say you get the bottle and I’ll pay for the takeaway.

It’s 6 and 2 3s I know! But some people are like they aren’t they.

Either way, enjoy!

SleepingStandingUp · 03/02/2021 15:53

Well it depends on money surely. Would he normally spend that kind of money - so your present plus £40 - for Valentine's Day? Are you spending similarly?

Is he's on 100k+ with lots of disposable oncome or NMW and had to save up as it is?

ParkheadParadise · 03/02/2021 15:54

Yes, I would.

Porcupineintherough · 03/02/2021 15:55

No - because I'd think it was too extravagant. But I admit that their is a level of hypocrisy involved because I am only tight over certain things and alcohol/eating out is one of them. Likewise dh begrudges paying more than a tuppence h'penny for clothing, so I'd never ask him to buy me that. We are tolerant of each others failings and just ask for other things from each other and buy those things for ourselves. Given that it all comes out of the same pot I realise that this is somewhat bizarre.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 03/02/2021 15:56

It really depends on the item, how much disposable income you have etc.

Personally, I think £40 on a bottle of wine is ridiculous and would be reluctant to buy it for anyone even if it was a gift, but I'd be more likely to do it for, say, my mum's 70th than Valentine's Day.

WaltzesWithSnobs · 03/02/2021 15:57

Yes, absolutely. The last few present occasions my DH has asked for music equipment. Nothing I'd have any interest in but, well, it's not for me so that's irrelevant.

ParkheadParadise · 03/02/2021 15:57

I bought DH a bottle of pineapple rum recently. I saw it and knew he would like it ( I wouldn't) think it was about £40.

Aprilx · 03/02/2021 16:00

I wouldn’t consider consider that a gift. It is a bottle of alcohol that you have asked him to pick up for dinner and he thinks it is a bit extravagant.

Brainwave89 · 03/02/2021 16:01

Yes I think I would be disappointed with this TBH. It is a bit of a bloke way of thinking though. A friend of mine owned a florist and on one Valentine's day her DH said I won't buy you flowers, you can just make them up yourself at cost.... mmmm. Interestingly you will find that football shirts, car parts and beer tend to be set at just the right price and not expensive at all...?

Triffid1 · 03/02/2021 16:04

I think asking someone to spend £40 on a bottle of alcohol for a meal you're sharing that he won't drink is a bit silly. If someone wants to buy you a gift of a bottle of champagne for £40 that's different to this situation where ideally you'd be sharing it and he won't be enjoying it.

If you're a massive wine snob and your favourite bottle of red is £40 and he also likes red wine but thinks £40 is a bit much, he might nonetheless choose to indulge you if he can share it. But I can see how he's less keen on watching you drink a £40 bottle when it's a shred meal and he's not interested.

CorianderBee · 03/02/2021 16:05

Not for £40 when you've already bought presents

irregularegular · 03/02/2021 16:06

If they had asked for something as a birthday/Christmas gift, then yes. Valentines too if we did that kind of things. But your post says you had already bought gifts for each other! Just because my other half fancied an expensive bottle of wine I wouldn't necessarily buy it for them, no.

Cocomarine · 03/02/2021 16:08

I would struggle to spend £40 on a bottle of fizzy wine 🤷🏻‍♀️
However, as you’re buying the takeaway, it seems churlish not to.

Questions!

  • are you spending £40 on the takeaway?
  • is he actually on board with the money on the food? I showed my husband a £25pp Valentine menu from our local (good) pub - that I would have paid for, but he said that for what they were offering it felt Valentine-premium-priced and he’d rather not. It’s my money - but if I went ahead, I think in that situation it wouldn’t be fair to expect him to match the spending on an item of my choice
  • do you earn a similar amount?

I’m 95% thinking he’s behaving badly here, but 5% thinking, what if this takeaway is your idea, do you have the right to dictate his equal financial input in your idea?

That said, not sure I’d last long with a man who didn’t even want to have a takeaway with me when I wanted to!

Trisolaris · 03/02/2021 16:09

My dp loves wine so it wouldn’t be a question for me, of course I’d get it and I often only have a glass myself. He has often bought me tickets to expensive theatre shows that he isn’t that bothered about. Having said that it does depend on your relative incomes too.

Cocomarine · 03/02/2021 16:12

Agree with PP that it depends on who is drinking it. He says he wouldn’t have much. Well, not much of 750ml really isn’t much, is it? Would he only have it because it’s there, doesn’t actually want it at all? Sounds like it. So if you’re spending £40 (?) on food, then it’s not even splitting the food and drink, as he’s really just buying for you.

Forgot to put my other question above... why is it you buying the takeaway anyway?

strudsespark · 03/02/2021 16:13

If you pay for the food, there is no need for him to be tight on the champagne. If it's because he doesn't like to drink it, tell him to bring whatever he fancies too.

Shoxfordian · 03/02/2021 16:17

I wouldn’t marry someone so cheap if I were you

ChristOnAPeloton · 03/02/2021 16:17

No, I wouldn’t. Seems like an obscene amount of money to spend on a bottle of wine that’ll get drunk in one evening to me.

Consumables don’t compare to stuff like computer games to me. I’m not a gamer, but you can get 100s of hours of entertainment out of one game.