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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you would buy something for your other half even if YOU didn’t see the value?

100 replies

Strawberryfelineforever · 03/02/2021 15:37

So Valentine’s Day is coming up and future DH and I have bought each other gifts. We were also planning to have a lovely takeaway evening as we haven’t spent much time together in weeks, which I would pay for. I asked if he could pick up a bottle of my favourite champagne to go with our food. I would like to be surprised but I know if I don’t ask he wouldn’t have thought of it. When he discovered the price he said no as it’s expensive and he won’t drink much of it. It’s about 40 pounds. If he doesn’t think it’s reasonable then I am happy to buy it myself but my question is, would you buy something like that for your other half because you knew it was their favourite even if you didn’t personally see the point/ thought it was too extravagant?

OP posts:
Mudmudingloriousmud · 03/02/2021 17:19

It's reflected his idea of your value...

He doesn't value what you say.

Original poster
Strawberryfelineforever · 03/02/2021 17:22

Thanks everyone, it seems I may have been a bit cheeky lol!Considering he won’t drink it, it is quite pricey for just one person and I wouldn’t finish it all. @Flickoffboris the only other posts I have regarding money is the electric blanket post and the other about good ways for newly moved in couples to manage finances Grin. A lot of people on my blanket post actually said I was being unreasonable by wearing next to nothing in bed and then putting the blanket on Grin

OP posts:
Coffeeandaride · 03/02/2021 17:34

It's expensive! So if it is being bought to eat with a takeaway, seems ?incongruous.
It is something you like, he won't really drink and it is to share with the meal.
If I asked for a bottle of champagne as a present, I would expect DH to get it even if it was not something he would want.
I think this is different.

BabyItsAWildWorld · 03/02/2021 17:37

Oh dear sounds like you've got a lifetime of negotiation over minor money matters ahead of you.
How miserable that sounds.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/02/2021 17:41

@Mudmudingloriousmud

It's reflected his idea of your value...

He doesn't value what you say.

Because he won't buy a £40 bottle of wine he won't drink and op won't finish? I mean she won't even FINISH IT!
Chloemol · 03/02/2021 17:51

I agree with you, it’s more or less splitting the costs. But now I would buy it myself and he would get none

WhereDoMyBluebirdsFly · 03/02/2021 17:58

He is stingy, I remember your other posts.

If you're buying the takeaway then he should buy the champagne. It's roughly the same price. Or does he want you to buy the food and he'll drink room temperature water and own-brand orange squash? The whole situation is just penny pinching and miserly.

For what it's worth, I would buy the champagne in his situation and I don't even drink. It's not about the drink itself; the date night is a shared experience to spend time together, and he's basically saying 'but what's in it for me?'.

VinylDetective · 03/02/2021 18:01

A lot of people on my blanket post actually said I was being unreasonable by wearing next to nothing in bed and then putting the blanket on

They were wrong. To begrudge someone you’re supposed to love a few pence worth of warmth is appalling.

TeeniefaeTroon · 03/02/2021 18:04

It's the opposite way around in our house, my DH buys me the £40 bottle of champagne but I would prefer 6 bottles of Prosecco for the same price 😁

SleepingStandingUp · 03/02/2021 18:25

@Chloemol

I agree with you, it’s more or less splitting the costs. But now I would buy it myself and he would get none
Except she's buying food for them to eat which is unlikely to come to £40. He's buying wine at £40 which op will pour the rest of down the sink plus whatever he does actually drink
BloodyDarrener · 03/02/2021 19:24

Wow that's a lot of money but of course DH would buy it for me. My DH likes gaming and I have no issue with buying him the latest Call of Duty game even if I won't play it (though I do love gaming too). It's a gift. DH bought me a hat, scarf and gloves set that was nearly £150 because it's what I wanted for Christmas. (More than I would ever spend. My shoes are £10 from Shoezone!)

ChristOnAPeloton · 03/02/2021 20:36

I’ve just caught up with the OP’s other threads- and I still don’t think he’s done anything wrong.

Just because Person A has more money than Person B doesn’t mean they shit gold bullion, or that they don’t want good value for the money they are spending.

Personally the OP seems a bit too interested in how much of his money he’s spending on her for my tastes- but I’m also the sensible one living with a spendthrift.

You have quite different attitudes to money from what I can see. Think carefully before moving in together. It’s likely to cause many, many arguments along the way.

littlepattilou · 03/02/2021 20:38

Yes I would, and I HAVE done. A number of times...

Merlotmum85 · 03/02/2021 20:53

I don't think either of you are wrong here. But you are not compatible and it's a fundamental issue that will cause problems down the line. FWIW I would be put off if a partner quibbled over a few quid - because I don't really like the idea of tallying up this and that. But that's just me.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/02/2021 21:06

@BloodyDarrener

Wow that's a lot of money but of course DH would buy it for me. My DH likes gaming and I have no issue with buying him the latest Call of Duty game even if I won't play it (though I do love gaming too). It's a gift. DH bought me a hat, scarf and gloves set that was nearly £150 because it's what I wanted for Christmas. (More than I would ever spend. My shoes are £10 from Shoezone!)
So both partners should always but the other whatever they want for any reason just because they ask?

This isn't a Valentine's present, it's a random buy me expensive alcohol demand

mrsbyers · 03/02/2021 21:10

It’s not a gift though it’s for him to share with you and he obviously thinks the £20 for his share is not something of value to him - he would probably have no problem spending £20 on a bottle of something nice just for you though

CocoPark · 03/02/2021 21:13

Yes, definitely!

SarahBellam · 03/02/2021 21:23

If I wanted to buy someone a gift and my budget was £40 and I knew they loved that champagne then I’d buy it for them as a gift in a heartbeat. That’s an easy present! If it was something to share and I was working to a budget and it was something I didn’t like too much then I’d be less enthusiastic.

sadpapercourtesan · 03/02/2021 21:36

I think this is a tricky one - neither DH nor I would generally blow £40 on a bottle of wine, and if we were going to be sharing a meal we'd choose something we both fancied to drink with it.

It does seem that your DH lacks a bit of generosity of spirit though, given that he can easily afford it and knows you would love it - he could always get himself something to drink as well. If we could afford to spend money on treats for each other then we would. DH will buy things he actively detests, because he knows I like them and he likes to make me happy - does your DH do that? Does he see himself as the primary authority when it comes to spending decisions? I couldn't live with that dynamic.

Moo678 · 03/02/2021 21:36

My husband loves malt whisky - I can’t stand it. I often get him a bottle for birthday or Xmas or if I see a bargain in the supermarket. Guess it depends a bit on your financial situation though.

TeachesOfPeaches · 03/02/2021 21:45

You've both already bought presents, you are buying the food which is for both of you, the £40 champagne would only be for you. Get something you will both like or get a bottle of cava.

yvanka · 03/02/2021 22:15

The wine and takeaway are unrelated IMO, as I presume he would get the next takeaway? And that's something that you will be sharing.

Asking him to get something expensive that he doesn't even want is cheeky.

LadyFlumpalot · 03/02/2021 23:49

Of course I would. DH likes whiskey and craft ale. I don't drink at all but I still buy him whiskey and craft ale. I spent near on £150 buying him a whiskey advent calendar. Isn't that the point of gifts?

Holothane · 03/02/2021 23:54

I’ll be happy with a pizza from our co op on Valentine’s we’re having new floors so for me the card and malteasers will do very nicely thank you, I don’t drink.

BackforGood · 04/02/2021 00:16

No, I wouldn't buy that for dh, and (not that I'd ask) dh wouldn't buy it for me.
£40 for a bottle that only one of you likes, and therefore 1/2 of it will go flat before you can drink it !!

If it were something like a bottle of malt whiskey that you would have a wee dram from over many weeks or months, then fair enough. But £40 to pour half of it away - no way.