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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a morning kiss to wake me up?

116 replies

Bellybounce · 03/02/2021 10:46

Feel like a bit of a monster right now.

Dp leaves for work around 6am.
I don’t need to be up until 8 ish, I have always had a lot of trouble sleeping (he is aware), but during the current circumstances it seems to be worse. So this extra couple of hours can make a real difference.

Anyway - dp has taken to kissing me on the lips while I’m sleeping, (used to always be forehead or cheek, not sure why it’s changed lately!) and it wakes me up properly, between that and the snoozing alarms every 5 mins, for 15 mins, by the time he leaves at 6 I’m wide awake. It makes me jump a bit, that he’s right there in my face kissing my mouth. (I know it’s really sweet, but it doesn’t feel it at the time).
This morning I sent a text politely asking to go back to a quick cheek / head kiss. No response yet.

Is this me being a total cow, or fair enough to ask to go back to a cheek kiss? Would you be offended?

I’m not the nicest person in the morning... so I’m interested to hear what others think.

Anyone else HATE being woken up, even if it’s with love? Grin

OP posts:
RandomMess · 03/02/2021 13:08

My technique for snoring is putting the duvet over their head, works really well on DH and no evidence it was me Wink

oakleaffy · 03/02/2021 13:09

He sounds lovely!
Many arseholes out there, be glad you have a man who wants to kiss you.

Tongues would be different though at 6am😂

TheOtherBoelynGirl · 03/02/2021 13:12

@oakleaffy So because a man isn't an arsehole, we should be grateful and put up with any annoying behaviour?

No thanks.

PaperMonster · 03/02/2021 13:21

That would have to stop! I’d find it way too creepy. Fortunately he sleeps in another room cos he gets up in the middle of the night to go to work, so I don’t have that problem.

Original poster
Bellybounce · 03/02/2021 13:30

He’s definitely not doing it on purpose, knowing it annoys me.

Like I said it was fine and well received at 7.45 am, but now it’s 6... no thanks!!

He seems to have understood, and accepted. I agree I shouldn’t have said it by text, he’s a really lovely soul and is just trying to be nice. Not a hill i want to die on at all Grin

If it happens tomorrow that’s a different story. But I don’t think he’ll keep at it knowing it’s waking me.

Thanks for everyone’s comments xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellybounce · 03/02/2021 13:32

Oh and about the snooze, when working I also snooze (it’s not at 6 though!) so I can understand that, he usually silences it quite quickly and I can get back to sleep after that most of the time. But I think I need to say to him to try to get up on the first one.
Like I said he’s not malicious, just sleeps soundly so I think he just had no idea.

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 03/02/2021 13:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Nanny0gg · 03/02/2021 13:45

@Bellybounce

Yeah I probably was a bit brash to say it by text.

I know some people love a kiss goodbye so that’s why I felt a bit of a bitch haha! And the whole ‘who knows what the day could bring’ thing.

It’s like as soon as I drift off from one alarm it’s back on again, then I get kissed, and I’m just awake! Grr...but I know he’s just being kind.

Why is waking you up when you don't need to be, and you struggle with sleep, in any way kind??

It's bloody selfish - 'I have to get up and go to work, so you can be awake too'

Arse!

Nanny0gg · 03/02/2021 13:47

@oakleaffy

He sounds lovely! Many arseholes out there, be glad you have a man who wants to kiss you.

Tongues would be different though at 6am😂

Wtf is 'lovely' about being woken up unnecessarily?
RavingAnnie · 03/02/2021 14:11

All of the snoozing and kissing needs to stop. Sleep is vital for health and should be prioritised and respected.

Can he sleep somewhere else on work nights so he doesn't wake you at all?

MerryDecembermas · 03/02/2021 14:17

God this sounds so stressful. He should turn off the stupid alarms and stop waking you up in whatever way. If he wants to spend time with you in the mornings he should tell you that using words like an adult instead of passive aggressively waking you

Chambored · 03/02/2021 14:19

I think snoozing the alarm if you’re getting up at 5am is not on.
(Different if you’re getting up at 8am).
Can’t he get a Fitbit - they have a vibrating alarm don’t they - which won’t disturb you).
Also YANBU to ask him to not kiss you on the lips.

Both seem a bit like “well I’m up, so why shouldn’t you be.”
Fuck that.

littlepattilou · 03/02/2021 14:23

@Bellybounce YANBU at all. I'd fucking belt him round the head with my pillow if my DH woke me up 'with a kiss' at six in the morning! WTAF? Confused

He would only do it once, I can tell you that much! I don't respond well to being forcibly woken up before I am ready to wake (and have not had enough sleep...) Gives me the rage. Angry

IthinkIm · 03/02/2021 14:25

The thought of anyone kissing my lips when I'm asleep is just a massive no.

I would hate to wake up with someone's face right in mine.

littlepattilou · 03/02/2021 14:28

I agree with @Nanny0gg there is nothing LOVELY or KIND about being deliberately woken up. And it does come across like the DH is thinking 'well I have to be awake at this time, so you can be too.'

A bit like the same sort of selfish twat who leaves their car running for 10-15 minutes 'to de-mist it' and revs their engine half a dozen times taking off, and beep beep beeeeeeeps the horn at 7 a.m....'

Because THEY have to be awake and on the way to work at that time, they think everyone else should be too. Too obtuse and selfish to even consider that people do a multitude of different shifts, and some people may be ill/unwell, or may be insomniacs and may not have got to sleep til 3am!

Moo678 · 03/02/2021 15:09

I don't want to be kissed anywhere when I'm asleep and also I would be very angry about the snoozing alarms. He should get up and get out. You are much nicer than me.

Bookwords · 03/02/2021 19:05

Yuck. I would hate to be kissed without consent.

So do you say to your DH if he goes to give you a peck on the cheek goodbye or hello

"You may kiss me"

Honestly what an over reaction!

OP like you say it was sending it by text.

All sorted, all good! No drama!

Bookwords · 03/02/2021 19:07

Two words: separate bedrooms. It's life changing and wonderful.

Two words: be realistic

Stompythedinosaur · 03/02/2021 19:14

So do you say to your DH if he goes to give you a peck on the cheek goodbye or hello

"You may kiss me"

Honestly what an over reaction!

When I'm conscious I can imply consent through my actions and body language e.g. not pulling away.

Unconscious people can't consent. I would expect my partner to kiss on the lips when I'm asleep in the same way I wouldn't expect them to try to have sex with me when I'm asleep. It's creepy.

Bookwords · 03/02/2021 19:41

@Stompythedinosaur massive over reaction, if I'd been subject to genuine non consent I'd be pretty pissed off at your dramatic analogy.

Cherrysoup · 03/02/2021 20:17

Weird. He must know it’s waking you and he knows you have issues sleeping. What the fuck is he playing at? Me and my dh creep out so as not to disturb each other if the other does need to get up.

littlepattilou · 04/02/2021 13:17

@Bookwords

Two words: separate bedrooms. It's life changing and wonderful.

Two words: be realistic

There's nothing 'unrealistic' about that suggestion to have separate bedrooms if you have a spare bedroom of course.

I see people who moan and groan about their partner/spouse snoring like an old buffalo, hogging the duvet, and shoving them out of bed etc. But then they refuse to move into a spare bedroom! (When they have one!)

It makes no sense.

Having separate bedrooms is the best thing any marriage could have. Good sleep is essential for your physical and mental health, and sleep deprivation is used as a form of TORTURE. So why someone wouldn't use a spare bedroom to sleep in, just baffles me.

It's perfectly 'realistic' to have separate bedrooms, if you have a spare one!

Sleeping with another fully grown adult in a 4 foot X 6 foot bed is just untenable long-term. I don't know how people cope with it. Indeed, as is often proven on here, many people don't cope!

Bookwords · 04/02/2021 18:34

@littlepattilou but they don't have a spare room! And it's total bullocks that depressed bedrooms is the best thing for any marriage! It's shite and both myself and my husband would hate it!

You like separate rooms, crack on, but saying it's the best thing is just trying to make the coldness, lack of intimacy, lack of warmth seem normal. It's not!

I've been married 33 years and it's not untenable

And a king size bed is 5ft x 6ft, not sure why you're referring to a small double for size? Even a normal double is 4'6".

Bookwords · 04/02/2021 18:35

Separate not depressed 🙄

Glenchase · 04/02/2021 18:37

Wow I’d be furious if my DH woke me up two hours before it was necessary. It’s just pure selfishness. Repeatedly snoozing alarms is just rude if you’re sleeping with someone else. Tell him to have one alarm and get up like an adult. Or buy him a Fitbit and tell him to use the vibrating alarm. If my DH can leave the house without waking me then so can yours.