Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a morning kiss to wake me up?

116 replies

Bellybounce · 03/02/2021 10:46

Feel like a bit of a monster right now.

Dp leaves for work around 6am.
I don’t need to be up until 8 ish, I have always had a lot of trouble sleeping (he is aware), but during the current circumstances it seems to be worse. So this extra couple of hours can make a real difference.

Anyway - dp has taken to kissing me on the lips while I’m sleeping, (used to always be forehead or cheek, not sure why it’s changed lately!) and it wakes me up properly, between that and the snoozing alarms every 5 mins, for 15 mins, by the time he leaves at 6 I’m wide awake. It makes me jump a bit, that he’s right there in my face kissing my mouth. (I know it’s really sweet, but it doesn’t feel it at the time).
This morning I sent a text politely asking to go back to a quick cheek / head kiss. No response yet.

Is this me being a total cow, or fair enough to ask to go back to a cheek kiss? Would you be offended?

I’m not the nicest person in the morning... so I’m interested to hear what others think.

Anyone else HATE being woken up, even if it’s with love? Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellybounce · 03/02/2021 11:30

Thanks for all the comments!
I think it started when he used to leave at 7:45 (much nicer time to be kissed goodbye!).

Now he’s having to leave much earlier so he probably didn’t realise it’s waking me up to that extent.

So I sent the text- i probably should have spoken in person. Problem is my the time he gets home I usually have forgotten all about it Blush so I thought a text would explain that it’s not really appropriate at 6am, just felt a bit mean to have to say ‘hey, please don’t kiss me!’

OP posts:
AmelieTaylor · 03/02/2021 11:30

In normal times I'm happy to be woken up by a hug or a kiss snd I can never go back to sleep, but right now I'm feeling very anxious when I wake up and can't even relax, so I'd ask him not to wake me with his alarm
Or by kissing me.

Tbh the 'who knows what the day will bring' is a bit daft in relation to a kiss on the head or even a kiss on the lips when you were asleep. It wouldn't make you feel any better if something dreadful was to happen.

He needs to sort that alarm habit out too, it's bloody inconsiderate.

If I'm the one leaving first, I use my alarm on vibrate only, and do whatever the sleeper prefers WRT to saying goodbye.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 03/02/2021 11:30

Oh yes - the punishment needs to fit the crime Grin

recklessruby · 03/02/2021 11:30

Yanbu. I hate being woken up before I m ready. I m a light sleeper due to years of shift work.
I m single but get slobbered on and my eyebrows licked by my cat every morning. Sometimes its not gentle either 🤣.
Other than that only ds ever wakes me up and that's gently with a cup of strong coffee.

SanFranBear · 03/02/2021 11:33

YANBU, at all!

ExH used to get back into bed after his shower go give me a cuddle and lie there for his spare 5 mins before leaving - hair still wet and with that cold, dampness. That was me awake then Angry He carried on even when we had newborn DD in our room that I'd spent half the night up with.

Its obviously not the reason he's my ExH but was definitely indicative of his selfish nature and how it didnt really matter how I felt or what I wanted.

Hope your chat goes well later!

Clevererthanyou · 03/02/2021 11:34

Wake HIM up at 4am by shaking him roughly and shouting “EARTHQUAKE!!!” ... that should sort him.

30sthngLondon · 03/02/2021 11:34

Oh I'm 100% with you - I'm such a light/bad sleeper and really need every extra minute I can get. I would say very firmly that it's very lovely to have a goodbye kiss but because it wakes you up can you have a forehead one again please...

DP had about three weeks of accidentally leaving his alarm on at 5am (when we didn't have to be up until 8am)...and he'd sleep through it for about two minutes where as every day I was wide awake from then on. I was furious and knackered. In the end I had to get REALLY grumpy, and tell him that him waking me up early makes me feel like crap, and I'm going to get ill and I basically had to grump and moan at him in order for him to get the message...

I felt a bit bad but it's better for both of us if I've managed to sleep. Grin

TheTinsellyLovelinessOfDemons · 03/02/2021 11:35

Mine either wakes me up before my gentle wakeup app because he has no idea when I need to wake up, or nudges me to wake me up properly while the app is doing it, well, gently. Both of which put me in a shitty mood.

LindaEllen · 03/02/2021 11:36

@Stompythedinosaur

Yuck. I would hate to be kissed without consent.
Seriously? My DP kissing me goodbye before work when I'm still half asleep is one of my favourite things.

Do you say 'please may I kiss you?' before you kiss anyone then?

Weird.

OP: Just tell him you like him kissing you, but you struggle to get back to sleep afterwards, so would he mind not doing it unless you're properly awake. Tell him you'll make up for it with a kiss when he gets home :). That last bit will add a bit of light heartedness into it.

He should understand. My DP would!

Notworking123 · 03/02/2021 11:39

Why on earth does he WANT to wake you up when you have trouble sleeping? Sounds like maybe he's envious of you having a later get up time. Can't get my head round this at all. As for the alarms, get some decent ear plugs.

Original poster
Bellybounce · 03/02/2021 11:43

Ah what a lovely bunch of vipers we are. You’ve made me feel loads better!

@Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin- you can borrow my chewbacca mask to wake your dh if you like? Grin that could add an extra element of surprise? Haha.

Ok so the verdict is- I am not a total bitch. (In this regard, anyway) thanks for all the great suggestions. I’ll have a little chat with him (at 2am while he’s sleeping?) when he gets home, he just replied saying ‘ok xx’ so I think he gets it but maybe it’s best I let him know I don’t mean NEVER kiss me. I think I’ll use @LindaEllens light hearted ‘make up for it when your home’ point.

Feel tons better! Grin the lock down must be getting to me, this is a non issue really!

OP posts:
GreenSlide · 03/02/2021 11:45

Two words: separate bedrooms. It's life changing and wonderful.

Original poster
Bellybounce · 03/02/2021 11:46

@GreenSlide two words- tiny flat! Grin I’d have been out of there ASAP if I had a room to escape to. There is the sofa, but I doubt I’d sleep AT ALL on that.

OP posts:
PeggyHill · 03/02/2021 11:47

My DH is the soppiest bugger you'd ever meet, but he wouldn't disturb me when I was sleeping of I had expressly asked him not to. YANBU at all.

Velvian · 03/02/2021 11:47

He is being massively unreasonable. I think he's a bit of a dick. I hope you've told him not to. Alternatively, do it to him an hour before his alarm goes off.

Original poster
Bellybounce · 03/02/2021 11:48

@PeggyHill i have asked him now, hopefully it won’t happen again. He’s replied to my message acknowledging it, I just couldn’t tell if it was a mean thing to request.

OP posts:
Onlymeandthedognow · 03/02/2021 11:53

Once you’ve been “kissed” awake by an over-enthusiastic German Shepherd with severe “dogs breath”every morning, a human kiss doesn’t seem so bad!!

I do quite the pp’s option of roaring in his face though...😁

Triffid1 · 03/02/2021 11:54

Before DC, I used to ask DH to give me a cuddle when he came to bed after me or got up before me. I didn't mind being mildly woken up. But in those days, I could go back to sleep so easily. 10 years of parenting, one child who didn't learn how to sleep until he was 7, and I am a much lighter sleeper now. So if he wakes me up that's it, I'm awake. So a little cuddle when he comes to bed/gets up earlier is no longer something i welcome! He understands this.

Sounds like your Dh gets it too by his response.

thosetalesofunexpected · 03/02/2021 11:56

@Bellybounce
Does his breath reek/stink then? 😕

YoniAndGuy · 03/02/2021 11:58

I wouldn't be ok with the snoozing alarms either.

EarthSight · 03/02/2021 11:59

No you're not unreasonable, and don't tolerate any sulking or guilt tripping because of it. You're entitled to good sleep. I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate 2 hours been cut off from his sleep time.

minipie · 03/02/2021 11:59

God yanbu. If DH gets up any time before 6.45 he knows he needs to be as quiet as possible and definitely not touch or kiss me as it will just give me rage, that is my sleep time! It’s selfish - he feels like kissing you, but you are asleep, he should hold off till a decent hour. Would he kiss you on the lips at 2am if you were asleep? No? Well this is no different.

EarthSight · 03/02/2021 12:00

@Velvian

He is being massively unreasonable. I think he's a bit of a dick. I hope you've told him not to. Alternatively, do it to him an hour before his alarm goes off.
@Velvian Might not work. He might quite like that and some people can go back to sleep instantly.
mistermagpie · 03/02/2021 12:04

God how annoying is that? Also quite an odd thing to do altogether in my experience, but maybe I've just been in relationships where kissing your partner while they are asleep isn't a thing?

The multiple snoozings wouldn't be tolerated in this house either, DH used to do that and it drove me mental. It's really unfair.

ScrapThatThen · 03/02/2021 12:05

Just say you are a bit sleep deprived so if he could get up quietly and not disturb you then you will probably be a nicer person to be around.

Swipe left for the next trending thread