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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a morning kiss to wake me up?

116 replies

Bellybounce · 03/02/2021 10:46

Feel like a bit of a monster right now.

Dp leaves for work around 6am.
I don’t need to be up until 8 ish, I have always had a lot of trouble sleeping (he is aware), but during the current circumstances it seems to be worse. So this extra couple of hours can make a real difference.

Anyway - dp has taken to kissing me on the lips while I’m sleeping, (used to always be forehead or cheek, not sure why it’s changed lately!) and it wakes me up properly, between that and the snoozing alarms every 5 mins, for 15 mins, by the time he leaves at 6 I’m wide awake. It makes me jump a bit, that he’s right there in my face kissing my mouth. (I know it’s really sweet, but it doesn’t feel it at the time).
This morning I sent a text politely asking to go back to a quick cheek / head kiss. No response yet.

Is this me being a total cow, or fair enough to ask to go back to a cheek kiss? Would you be offended?

I’m not the nicest person in the morning... so I’m interested to hear what others think.

Anyone else HATE being woken up, even if it’s with love? Grin

OP posts:
ChocolateSantaisthebestkind · 03/02/2021 12:08

You're not a monster. You are allowed to say what you like and dislike. We have a notepad on our bed stand and write silly messages if were we leaving before the other. When we could leave the house to go to work of course...

Brefugee · 03/02/2021 12:10

Snoozing alarms and waking you up? If my DH pulled either of those stunts it would be painful for him. There is no reason to do either of them. (my DH gets up at 5am and if he woke me he'd be sleeping on the sofa or spare room)

We use a family WhatsApp group to wish people good morning and that (or a note) should be enough.

C152 · 03/02/2021 12:18

I'd be asked him to turn off the 'snooze' funtion and just get up when his alarm goes off. The kissing is up to you. Personally, I wouldn't mind it, but if it totally wakes you up, it's understandable to ask for a proper kiss later!

DontKnowWhere2Turn · 03/02/2021 12:21

Personally I think you are being too passive on this

I'd be telling dh firmly that he needs to do whatever he can not to disturb be two hours early on the mornings he gets up at six. Anything less is plain rude.

GrimSisters · 03/02/2021 12:24

My DH used to do this - not on the lips though. By the time the alarm went off for the 3rd or 4th time and he was still lazing around in bed, I was ready to kill him.
Thankfully he's been working from home since March, so eventually rolls out of bed around 9 instead.

OllysArmy · 03/02/2021 12:25

My DH was good at getting up when the first alarm sounded, but then used the shower radio, the sound of Radio 4 at 6am was not the way to start the day, nor was the need to turn on ALL the lights to choose his clothes (his work wardrobe consists of black trousers, plain shirts and ties, they all mix and match!). A gentle kiss would have been a breeze.

We now have an empty nest so we have separate bedrooms and bathrooms it is bliss. I still sleep badly whereas he goes to sleep just like that and then sleeps like a log until an alarm goes off. But at least now I can be awake or sleep and not get complaints.

He even goes to work most days without saying goodbye as he knows that if I was awake I would be up and about but more than likely I am finally getting a few hours sleep.

TheOtherBoelynGirl · 03/02/2021 12:29

Oh God, my husband used to do this, I told him to stop, so he started sticking his head in the door to tell me he was leaving. I told him to stop that too and he asked how I would know he had left for work! Because you won't be in the house!!!

MrsWindass · 03/02/2021 12:32

There was no need to text this - a simple comment might have been in order .

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/02/2021 12:33

@Fuckitsstillraining

My husband tried that once, only once, I got such a fright I hit him and roared something like 'get the fuck away from me', it never happened again.
Yep, that would probably be me too!

DH often leaves while I'm still asleep - he knows now not to wake me, not even to say goodbye, unless it's really important (never is from my perspective!)

NovemberR · 03/02/2021 12:35

I would loathe this. I sleep very badly and I'm not a damn fairy tale princess! I don't need to be gently kissed awake on the lips.

I agree that it's actually quite creepy to do this to someone that is (finally) asleep. I'm likely to jump out of my skin and lash out if I was woken like this.

If he were married to me he'd be likely to be leaving for work with a nose bleed where I'd punched him.

ImEatingVeryHealthilyOhYes · 03/02/2021 12:35

Seems passive aggressive to me, like I'm awake so you have to be too.

But then I've been reading the Relationships board a long time!

Anydreamwilldo12 · 03/02/2021 12:38

The kiss is bad enough but the snooze alarm malarky is just plain selfish.
I would be full of rage if my partner done this every morning. The alarm clock would be going straight out of the window.
If one of us is getting up much earlier that the other it's one alarm and clothes are put on the landing ready for the next day.
It's especially awful of him when he knows you have problems sleeping.

EleanorRigbyWasReal · 03/02/2021 12:39

I wouldn’t want to be woken either! A lie in is not to be sniffed at.

Original poster
Bellybounce · 03/02/2021 12:40

It seems it’s quite common - I love what a pp said- I’m not a fairytale princess! (Couldn’t be further from one!) Grin he’s understood what I’ve said, he’s not a bad guy I think he thinks he’s being sweet. He doesn’t usually continue things once asked to stop, and now I’ve asked him I don’t doubt he’ll comply.

Just couldn’t tell if I was a morning ogre or just being fair!
Thanks again, don’t feel guilty now!

OP posts:
BlackForestCake · 03/02/2021 12:40

Poor bloke probably thinks he's being romantic kissing his sleeping beauty goodbye.

Just tell him you'd rather have a kiss when you're awake.

TheOtherBoelynGirl · 03/02/2021 12:41

"Seems passive aggressive to me, like I'm awake so you have to be too."

It's definitely not like that with my husband, he just sleeps very easily so has no concept of not being able to get back to sleep. His entire family are the same, they could sleep through an earthquake.

RandomMess · 03/02/2021 12:43

Erm you know the sofa?? If he doesn't get up on first alarm then he sleeps on it not you!!!

Peacocking · 03/02/2021 12:45

Cheers on a piece of raw garlic just before dropping off at night. You'll be left well alone after that...

Peacocking · 03/02/2021 12:45

*chew

RhubarbTea · 03/02/2021 12:48

YANBU. This would do my fucking head in, and he sounds a bit thoughtless/selfish.

BreatheAndFocus · 03/02/2021 12:49

@Bellybounce

Thanks *@honeybee1986*, the alarms are so so annoying. They drive me bloody mad! But I guess it’s necessary Angry haha
I’d be more annoyed by the alarms really. There’s absolutely no need for snoozing an alarm. Set the bloody alarm for the time you need to get up and get up. Snoozing means you actually have to set your alarm earlier than necessary to allow for the ‘snoozes’.

I’d just explain to your DH that you’re not at your best in the morning, need your sleep, and so could he please avoid waking you with his alarms or a kiss on the lips.

Wotsitsarecheesy · 03/02/2021 12:50

I'm with you too OP. I had to have this same conversation with DH, who is a very early riser. I often sleep very badly, often getting only 3-4 hours in the night, although 4-5 is more normal.

I said that while waking me up might be lovely if I'd had a good night, quite often he'd had double the amount of sleep I'd had, and if I was exhaused I could guarantee this would cause a headache or migraine later. So that extra hour or two in the morning was absolutely vital.

He now tries to creep out quietly. He doesn't always manage it, but at least he makes the effort not to disturb me now.

PinkyParrot · 03/02/2021 12:50

It took me a long time to realise it (assumed me being a light sleeper was the problem) but DH's noisy alarms, noisy snooze buzzing, banging about the bedroom as he got ready, even sitting on the end of the bed to put his shoes on etc were due to him being a selfish unempathetic git.

And I should have made it clear decades ago.

I would make up a bed away from DH (floor or another room) tell him he disturbs you and move into that with earplugs and a clear instruction not to be disturbed.

He is being utterly selfish and needs to learn to get up on the first alarm ring.

thepeopleversuswork · 03/02/2021 12:53

YANBU but I might be a bit hurt of someone texted me that.

Also is it really the kiss specifically that is waking you up? As opposed to the alarm and general noises of him pottering about the room waking up?

I’d be a bit careful about how you phrase this: it doesn’t sound like a hill I would want to die on.

Idratherberude · 03/02/2021 13:04

Mine used to do the several snoozes of his alarm, every fucking morning.
Use your toe and do the lightest, feather like tickle on the back of his knee. Or bum if he's naked. Grin