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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I don’t like this life.

426 replies

Maskedminger · 01/02/2021 19:59

It’s been almost a year, everything changed, am still suffering from covid from March, am inside for 12 hours per day with my toddler. My ‘Old’ life seems a far away, distant memory, the only highlight is going to do the food shopping, feel there’s nothing to look forward to.
I’m starting to feel just nothing inside, anyone else?

OP posts:
Thewinterofdiscontent · 01/02/2021 22:38

It’s all a bit Groundhog Day. I don’t really mind it but it does actually remind me of the toddler days - endless Thomas Tank , same food, same routine for years.

Thing is it passes. You’ll have a seven year old who wants to camp in the garden before you’ve realised you’ve read The Gruffalo for the billionth time.

Warsawa31 · 01/02/2021 22:38

It's fucking shit all round op.

I am waiting for a strain of the virus to be resistant to the vaccine. It's endemic in the population now it ain't going nowhere.

A serious adult conversation needs to be had around how we live with this long term. I don't think it's going to be over for years and god knows we can't live like this for much longer - revolutions have taken place for less. When the economy tanks properly without government support which can't last forever it will come crashing down if some plan of re opening society isn't forthcoming.

I hate what this has done to us

Dreamylemon · 01/02/2021 22:42

I've been through the numb/ grey days the last few weeks and today feel better. Combination of sunshine with a hint if spring, my little girl feeling happier after weeks struggling, new month and hearing half of over 70s have been vaccinated.

The future seemed a little brighter to me today. We will get there but it is a slog.

PetrovYelyenaAndMe · 01/02/2021 22:43

@stonebrambleboy agree about the litter everywhere - the streets are horrible round here at the moment: masks, gloves, dog poo bags and just a lot more litter generally. Makes going for the same monotonous walks even more unpleasant Sad

truthlemon · 01/02/2021 22:50

[quote zzzebra]@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom summed it up for me with 'dead inside' and 'numb'

First lockdown mentally I was at breaking point but felt like I had some fight left inside me and an end in sight. Now I'm just completely empty, and have lost the will to even try to pick myself back up. [/quote]
This is it. The first time there was immense stress and I was just about coping. This time I just have nothing left.

I just feel like our family is being torn apart. I spend every day forcing my kids to do work whilst failing at everything. I detest my house. I detest my husband. I couldn't give a shit about anything any more. It's like torture. I'm getting to the point where I have no empathy any more. I feel like the kids have just sacrificed too much now and it makes me so fucking sad and angry.

WantChewbaccaForGood · 01/02/2021 22:51

I've been feeling that looking forward to anything doesn't make sense because there is only now (and now, and now, and now, an endless now), yet it isn't a numb feeling, & I can appreciate and enjoy the now that is delicious coffee or the now that is a beautiful cloud, or the now that is being warm and cosy.

CountessFrog · 01/02/2021 22:54

Sad bad glad

That’s such a sad story, I’m so sorry to hear it.

💐

sally067 · 01/02/2021 22:57

Really really struggling and keep thinking about irrationally handing in my notice at work because my boss is really getting to me.

She is thriving in all this and seems to be working 60+ hour weeks because she actually enjoys her job and thinks of it as a hobby or passion. It is making me miserable because I am the opposite, to me a job is just a job, I am not the career type and work to live.

She on the other hand is coming up with new projects daily to keep us busy, micromanaging me, constantly wanting Zoom calls because she is an extrovert who needs interaction whereas I'm introverted so feel forever drained by them. She expects me to feel the same passion and commitment to the company and my 'career' as she does so wants me to do all this professional development stuff like attend webinars outside of work hours. It's just so relentless and I'm terrified of quitting because I have a mortgage and I worry if I'll be able to get another job.

bluebellscorner · 01/02/2021 23:01

You are not alone OP. I’ve kept my head down through January and taken it one day at a time but today I felt extremely low. We are existing, not living. Personal circumstances aside I am deeply worried about the eco one and everyone’s wellbeing

hopsalong · 01/02/2021 23:01

I've started sitting on park benches for long periods of time, in a pathetic sort of protest. I keep hoping to get stopped by the police so I can be fined and taken to court, but there's no police presence at all. I don't want to actively endanger people's lives, I just want to register disagreement with the rules and the way they're being imposed.

And before anyone starts on how fucking stupid / heartless etc can I be, I have thought long and hard about this, and I don't think that sitting on park benches will kill people. I also think that a high number of deaths (given that very few children, who are non-consenting, die) and a relatively non-functional NHS is a reasonable price to pay for protecting the most basic things in society. A major strand of pro-lockdown thinking (perhaps best exemplified by Pier Morgan's absurd ad hominem argument last week with Jonathan Sumption, 'and what if the 98 year old was Captain Tom?') is obsessed with the appearance of virtuousness. It's a bit like Victorian piety, though. Riven with self-serving hypocrisy, and careless about the many undeserving and seriously underprivileged people whose lives are being ruined more than, say, mine or Piers Morgan's is.

The NHS postdates universal education and in my opinion is less important. In fact, if the NHS is going to become an albatross around the neck of an ageing population unable or unwilling to make the huge sacrifices that a world-class healthcare system would actually necessitate, I would rather it was scrapped. (In most countries, the best healthcare modern medicine can provide is a luxury available only to the very rich. I think that's reasonable.)

Saving an 80+ year old from a novel virus is really hard. No hospital in the world was doing a good job of that last spring. We can and should try to do the best we can, but I don't think the best we can means anything we can throw after the same sunk cause. None of it has really worked. We're halfway to Neil Ferguson's worst case scenario, in terms of Covid deaths, and excess deaths from other causes, combined with the Covid deaths to come, make it hard to see what this wretched year has achieved.

As for the NHS being overwhelmed. It has been, all year, for normal purposes. I haven't been able to get an appointment in person with a doctor for over 12 months.
It's very possible that we should have locked down and closed the borders at the first possible indication of an out-of-control virus, last Jan/Feb. But we didn't. It's all been too much, too late.

MiaMarshmallows · 01/02/2021 23:05

I do feel like this but then I remind myself that when I do see DP again, it will be amazing. Going to start some exercises online so I can be in the best shape ever when I see him again.

Ilovemypantry · 01/02/2021 23:07

@opanon

Also find it depressing that my toddler tries to put a mask on now when he sees one
That is so sad 😢
MakeWorkYourNewFavourite · 01/02/2021 23:08

I'm in rural France and have freelanced from home for years anyway, but DD (3) starred school this year. I just drop her off, work, pick her up. Highlight is supermarket shopping or walk (if not raining). My mum lives with me. She's 72 ans not in great health. I panic about her a lot because she's exposed via DD. I have a tight chest and knot on the stomach. I've become very pessimistic. And I know I'm one of the really REALLY lucky ones. I keep saying I'll read more, work out, change my diet, write, meditate blah, blah, blah. I manage a snoop around MN before bed. I buy online courses and shit from Amazon I don't need and can't really afford. I'm not on top of stuff. I just feel so trapped and panicky. I promise myself every night I'll sort myself out tomorrow... but I'm just on repeat. I have one client. A good client. I've put all my eggs in one basket. If I lose this client, I've only got myself to blame. I think I've become a massive, lazy moaner. I also am not as kind as I was. Everyone makes me angry. I was never like that.

Annamaywong25 · 01/02/2021 23:11

Since masks became mandatory at the end of July last year, the virus has just risen and kept on rising....nobody seems able to explain why.

Flaxmeadow · 01/02/2021 23:13

I feel tired of winter a bit more than usual but in general better than those first few weeks back in March.

Back in February and March, when all this started, those daily briefings were deeply concerning. When we were all told just how serious the situation was and how long it would probably last ('at least 18 months, even years').

It can be hard sometimes but I do feel better in general now than back then. The vaccines are going well, summer is on the way, you get used to it and adapt.

No one ever said it was going to be easy

CountessFrog · 01/02/2021 23:13

Yes but don’t question that on here.

The answer will be ‘FFS’ followed by link to some research and a comment to the effect that ‘it would have been worse without them.’

arthurdaly · 01/02/2021 23:13

@hopsalong your post summed up exactly how I feel! I don't want to pay for the NHS anymore from my taxes and would rather pay for private healthcare.

I'm so fed up of this Groundhog Day bullshit and like others have said just numb and dead inside.
Fed up of WFH every day and miss travelling round the country seeing people face to face.

I miss my parents, they live 200 miles away and DH hasn't seen his parents for nearly two years as they're in Europe.

I fed up of being told to stay at home, I'm fed up of running/walking the same route over and over, I'm fed up of hypocritical people telling me I'm selfish for sending DS to nursery when they have about five bubbles on the go (I'm totally jealous about it). And I'm fed up and upset as DS who's 2 asking to go swimming and I have to keep saying no.

And if one more person asks me to do a fucking zoom quiz at the weekend it might push me over the edge....four hours a day on zoom meetings is enough thanks!

I'm just done and really can't be bothered with life anymore

LiJo2015 · 01/02/2021 23:17

I feel ive become too acclimatised to it. I feel anxious at just the thought of going out.

Kokeshi123 · 01/02/2021 23:19

People saying "It's not as bad as World War II!!!" really grind my gears. Would they like it if the exact same logic was used to play down COVID19?

"Pandemics (and childbirth and industrial accidents) in the past used to kill huge numbers of people in their 20s and 30s! Having 60 or 70 years of life and then dying on a ventilator isn't so bad, maybe we should just give up all the restrictions and tell those hospitalized patients should just be grateful for the lives they've had, which are so much longer already than they would have been a hundred years ago?"

(No, I don't mean we should do that. I just mean that EVERYONE here has higher expectations for lifespan and quality of life than people did a century ago, which is why we have all the bloody restrictions. At least acknowledge this and give people some space to complain about it)

Noodles4Me · 01/02/2021 23:20

We need to stop being scared. We need to start demanding some normality again.

People won't though.

Kokeshi123 · 01/02/2021 23:21

Japan, where I live, is so much easier to live in than the UK right now, and even I am fed up. I can't even imagine how frustrated British parents must be feeling at the moment.

UndertheCedartree · 01/02/2021 23:23

I feel so alone a lot of the time. I also have Long Covid - had Covid in April. I don't even feel I can go out on my own now as recently passed out in the street. I wish I knew when I would feel better. I wish I knew when there would be some support for my mental health. I wish I knew when I could see my mum again. I'm sorry you are struggling too, OP Flowers

480Widdio · 01/02/2021 23:24

I don’t believe our Government have any idea what effect these lockdowns are having on “normal” people.

Now we have them ramping up the fear with the new variant,so lockdown can go on and on and on and on.

I see no end in sight this year at all.It is soul destroying.

Flaxmeadow · 01/02/2021 23:29

I don’t believe our Government have any idea what effect these lockdowns are having on “normal” people.

They do, but they also know the alternative to lockdowns is worse

Now we have them ramping up the fear with the new variant,so lockdown can go on and on and on and on

The Govt told us almost a year ago that "lockdowns would go on and on" but apparently some people were not listening, and they are still not listening.

Natsel84 · 01/02/2021 23:34

Its like groundhog day .