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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let my 16yo fail?

80 replies

Pandoraslastchance · 01/02/2021 18:38

16yo is doing AS level art(as well as geography and English literature and language) She has one zoom lesson a day of about 30 minutes(I'm not happy with this lack of eduction from the 6th form as i hoped that the teachers would provide more work for the students to do as lockdown progressed)

We are struggling so much right now. She is the eldest of 3, has her own room, her younger sisters are in bed by 7. 16yo has from 7 until 9 for homework etc.They are all being homeschooling by myself and my partner(he is my carer)

Younger ones are completing their set class work(years 3 and 1) reading, spellings, daily maths work sheets, class topics etc with a slight battle tbh but that's to be expected.

16yo is putting in the absolute bare minimum. This weeks homework for her was to submit her sketchbook via PowerPoint. So literally just taking photos of her sketches and putting them on slides on PowerPoint, not hard, difficult or time consuming. It was due in today at 5pm. I have been asking all week if she has homework or any tasks set from the last zoom session. All i get back is groans or she grunts "I've done it" etc. I warn her not to leave it until the last minute.
She was also set a task to present 6-8 photos on a topic of their choice. The photos have to be edited,filtered etc and presented in a 'zine' format (bit like a mini magazine or pamphlet). This is due in next week. If it was left to her it would be 6 photos stuck on a white piece of card and handed in. Me and her dad have been saying she needs more content than just the photos. She chose a topic of japan and there is so much such as certain colours, artists, art mediums such as block printing , culture, modern Japan vs the different time periods etc( me and her dad managed to completely fill a A4 sheet of paper with ideas within 5 minutes).

Guess what time she submitted her sketch book? 4:45 pm this evening!! We had Internet difficulties yesterday as it was up and down like yoyo. I keep telling her not to leave things to the last minute, to put more effort in with things.

Me and her dad were the ones who sat and brainstormed her topic as she just sat there.
Do we sit back and let her fail? Or do we keep practically doing it all for her?

OP posts:
Squarepigeon · 01/02/2021 18:45

I’d definitely keep doing things like reminding her about time deadlines but ’me and her dad managed to completely fill a A4 sheet of paper with ideas within 5 minutes’ sounds a bit much.

nimbuscloud · 01/02/2021 18:45

I’d sit back. Let her fail.

MiddleParking · 01/02/2021 18:48

Guess what time she submitted her sketch book? 4:45 pm this evening!!

With a 5pm deadline? What’s wrong with that? Confused

Regularsizedrudy · 01/02/2021 18:48

You are doing way to much for her. Why would she bother to try when she can sit back and let you and her dad brainstorm

AStudyinPink · 01/02/2021 18:48

Let her fail.

But why can she only start her homework at 7?

katy1213 · 01/02/2021 18:49

You're over involved in her work. Which was submitted 15 mins ahead of the deadline. What's wrong with that?

Pipperleen · 01/02/2021 18:51

I’d leave her tbh. Partly because she should be taking responsibility now, but also because her 6th form might need to know that she’s not managing (for whatever reason, even if it’s just disorganisation or lack of motivation). She might need a serious word from them once some sub standard work gets handed in and that might give her the push she needs. I’m in secondary education if that matters at all.
Having said all of that, you know your DD best.

Jobsharenightmare · 01/02/2021 18:51

I assume the 15 mins before deadline submission is relevant because if you hadn't done it for her, she'd have missed the deadline?

I think you need to encourage and facilitate quiet time for study but beyond that, it's time for her to learn a valuable lesson in the school of life.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 01/02/2021 18:53

Learning to take responsibility and manage her time is part of growing up. Stop babying her.

Original poster
Pandoraslastchance · 01/02/2021 18:55

@katy1213

You're over involved in her work. Which was submitted 15 mins ahead of the deadline. What's wrong with that?
Because what if the Internet had been down? Last night (9pm until midnight) it was up and down continuously. You can't leave things to the last moment.

I went to uni and it was drilled into us not to leave submissions until the last moment as disaster can strike ie the car doesn't work, the computer gets a blue screen,

Its about making sure that she is organised.

Me and her dad just did the quick 5 minute brainstorm of ideas to show her that it can be done and doesn't take a long time.

She has often said in the past that she cannot concentrate during the day when the kids are around as they shock horror speak or make noise. She could go and do homework in her room if she wanted but she doesn't.

OP posts:
whydoyouhateclocks · 01/02/2021 18:56

Prompting about deadlines or internet unreliability is one thing. Doing the thinking for her on pieces of work and then being surprised she's not engaged with it is another.

I don't think that backing off and letting her do her work herself is "letting her fail" , although it's telling you see it that way.

PhatPhanny · 01/02/2021 18:56

Id have her sat with you and the little ones doing het work because shes not capable of being left to do it.

Don't allow her the easy way out and fail, make her put more effort in, with the babies in your family

Mudmudingloriousmud · 01/02/2021 18:57

Hang on... Has she always been like this? Is this new behaviour?! Has lock down affected her?.
Have you complained about the provision at this stage? Has she ever been motivated? Does she have goals.

Are you doing light stuff to keep them occupied due covid?

Calmandmeasured1 · 01/02/2021 18:57

Me and her dad were the ones who sat and brainstormed her topic as she just sat there.
Then it won't be her work will it?

Do we sit back and let her fail? Or do we keep practically doing it all for her?
You sit back and let her be marked on what she does. If she fails, she fails.

Have a talk to her by all means but don't nag, don't do her work and don't come up with 'her' ideas. I agree with a PP that there is nothing wrong in submitting work at 4 45 p.m. for a 5.00 p.m. deadline.

Squarepigeon · 01/02/2021 18:58

The more you tell her the less she’ll listen.

pumpkinpie01 · 01/02/2021 19:02

I would just ask once a day ' how are you getting on with your work ? Do you need any help ?' Then leave it , certainly don't do it for her. My sons were terrible leaving everything until the last minute, but that's their choice .

VinylDetective · 01/02/2021 19:03

At 16 she needs to organise her work and take responsibility for it. She’s done that. She’s submitted her sketchbook 15 minutes ahead of deadline. She must be feeling quite suffocated. I’d crack off and let her get on with it.

VinylDetective · 01/02/2021 19:03

Back off, not crack off!

Nodancingshoes · 01/02/2021 19:08

OP, I am in a similar situation with DS(14) who is doing Art GCSE. It is easy for people to say let them fail but when it is your child, it is not that easy to do!! I know he has talent and would hate to see him fail his course because lockdown has knocked all the motivation out of him. I have been sitting with him and helping him and will continue to do so if he needs it. Good luck x

Original poster
Pandoraslastchance · 01/02/2021 19:10

Me and her dad didn't give her the brainstorms that we had done, sorry should have said that earlier. We just quickly did one each to show her that it can be done and it isn't some endless task that is "impossible ugggggghhhhh"

Her work is her own, albeit lacking.

I don't want her to fail as she has the potential.

She's ways been like this. Since she started getting homework. Me and her dad are available always if she is stuck and she knows that all she has to do is ask for help. Her teachers from years 4 or 5 have always said in reports/parents evening the same things "could do better" "has potential but lacks effort" "leaves things to the last minute".

OP posts:
ShitPoetryClub · 01/02/2021 19:11

Oh God OP, I dunno, but I remember those days well and you have my sympathy. I considered completely backing off but never did at GCSE. At A level they largely chose subjects that I couldn't help with and they did manage to sort themselves out a bit.
Be sure to encourage her to go to a uni at the opposite end of the country.

Whattheactual20201 · 01/02/2021 19:16

Wow you need to take a step back. Proving to her that it can be done in 5 minutes was your work in 5 minutes actually any good ? I would be more concerned about trying to make out work that a 16 year old has got is that east she can do it in 5 minutes. Would you rather her rush ?
Her work was done and in time subs focus on that ?

MiddleParking · 01/02/2021 19:24

Maybe switch your focus from brainstorming her work yourself to getting her some reliable internet access that doesn’t cut in and out?

Original poster
Pandoraslastchance · 01/02/2021 19:27

She said "ugggh I don't know anything about japan and I can't do this mindmap/knowledge tree, its too hard"
I told her that if she actually thought about Japan and the things she likes from Japan ( she likes and knows about the food, art styles such manga and famous art works such as the wave off kawasaki, block painting which she covered in art last year, history of the culture, religion) then there are so many different paths she could look at.

She knows things but is just rather lazy when it comes down to putting in onto paper. She had the option of doing a moodboard(via pinterest) of images but she chose to do it on paper.

We werent trying to prove her to that it could be done in 5 minutes. We were trying to show her that by sitting and thinking around the topic that there is a lot of direction she could go in with her chosen work but in order for the work to appear on the paper she has to think and then write them down.

I guess I'm worried she will end up either being asked to leave the course or being told she cannot do art for A level next year or she gets a bare minimum pass(what ever it is now a 3 or 4/what used to be a E/F)

OP posts:
FrippEnos · 01/02/2021 19:28

Pandoraslastchance

She has one zoom lesson a day of about 30 minutes(I'm not happy with this lack of eduction from the 6th form as i hoped that the teachers would provide more work for the students to do as lockdown progressed)

Not sure why you would think this.
6th form is not about spoon feeding information to your child.
And given the time sponge that art is and that she should be taking responsibility for for learning they shouldn't need to provide more.