To let my 16yo fail?

[Pandoraslastchance]

16yo is doing AS level art(as well as geography and English literature and language) She has one zoom lesson a day of about 30 minutes(I'm not happy with this lack of eduction from the 6th form as i hoped that the teachers would provide more work for the students to do as lockdown progressed)

We are struggling so much right now. She is the eldest of 3, has her own room, her younger sisters are in bed by 7. 16yo has from 7 until 9 for homework etc.They are all being homeschooling by myself and my partner(he is my carer)

Younger ones are completing their set class work(years 3 and 1) reading, spellings, daily maths work sheets, class topics etc with a slight battle tbh but that's to be expected.

16yo is putting in the absolute bare minimum. This weeks homework for her was to submit her sketchbook via PowerPoint. So literally just taking photos of her sketches and putting them on slides on PowerPoint, not hard, difficult or time consuming. It was due in today at 5pm. I have been asking all week if she has homework or any tasks set from the last zoom session. All i get back is groans or she grunts "I've done it" etc. I warn her not to leave it until the last minute.
She was also set a task to present 6-8 photos on a topic of their choice. The photos have to be edited,filtered etc and presented in a 'zine' format (bit like a mini magazine or pamphlet). This is due in next week. If it was left to her it would be 6 photos stuck on a white piece of card and handed in. Me and her dad have been saying she needs more content than just the photos. She chose a topic of japan and there is so much such as certain colours, artists, art mediums such as block printing , culture, modern Japan vs the different time periods etc( me and her dad managed to completely fill a A4 sheet of paper with ideas within 5 minutes).

Guess what time she submitted her sketch book? 4:45 pm this evening!! We had Internet difficulties yesterday as it was up and down like yoyo. I keep telling her not to leave things to the last minute, to put more effort in with things.

Me and her dad were the ones who sat and brainstormed her topic as she just sat there.
Do we sit back and let her fail? Or do we keep practically doing it all for her?

Doesn't sound like she is actually failing though since her work was done and handed in by the deadline. She many not work the same way YOU work, but that doesn't mean she isn't working in a way that will be successful for her. I'd keep an eye on her of course but otherwise stay out of it until she actually does start not submitting work and/or failing assignments. Being nagged isn't going to help her motivation and I think most of us are struggling to have motivation to be the absolute best we can be at the moment anyway.

Woah a bit unfair don't you think?

Has your Internet never had issues? If so good for you. We are with the best provider locally that has the best speed that we can afford.

What are you going to do when she is at uni? working? Are you still going to be able to organise her life through those times? You need to let her do things her way. Her work was done in time and if the internet just happens to be down when she wants to submit things in future then she will just have to explain this to her teacher. It really doesn't seem like a huge deal. I think you need to back off a lot and let her learn from her mistakes as they don't sound huge. Keep reminding her by all means but then leave it up to her.

Teacher here.....sounds bad but I would let her fail. By all means keep reminding her and offer help, but it's her decision to not put effort in or engage with help offered, let her fail and learn a lesson from it. You can't be there all her life holding her up and doing it for her. This is the problem, kids now are si used to being spoon fed....didn't happen when I was at school abs I learnt very quickly that if I didn't put the work in I didn't get the results I wanted. Her teachers will soon be on her case (well the should be...even during a lockdown) when her work is not to standard. Good luck xx

I went to uni and it was drilled into us not to leave submissions until the last moment as disaster can strike ie the car doesn't work, the computer gets a blue screen,

Yes. At uni. She is 16. She is not at uni. Give her a chance to be 16.

Stop doing everything for her. She doesn't make effort because you're not giving her a chance, you're nagging her so she's now in a pattern where she knows she doesn't need to do anything. It's learned helplessness. Just stop asking her what she's doing or telling her what to do about it. Let the teachers handle it. And FFS it's academic misconduct to do someone's work for them, so stop with the brainstorming nonsense. Surely she took art so she could be creative not so she could do what you told her to?

If she doesn't pass, she can go to college to study it more intensely at GCSE and then A-level equivalent level. She'll likely have more access to good art supplies, artists and people who give a fuck about art and education instead of 5pm deadlines.

We're in a pandemic and she's not at school, no 16 year old does their homework 5 days before it's due in, especially when they're experiencing this poor excuse of home education. Leave her be before you pushy parent her towards hating art.

Step back. Best thing my parents ever did at A level. I fell spectacularly on my face. Made me realise I needed to work. Luckily got into uni in clearing and worked really hard. Discovered wasnt the degree for me but was able to transfer to high a level points degree as proved I could work hard.

We didn't do her brainstorm for her! We did our own ones and she did her own one. I have said this before. We haven't told her what to do.

@HappygoesLucy

If she doesn't pass, she can go to college to study it more intensely at GCSE and then A-level equivalent level. She'll likely have more access to good art supplies, artists and people who give a fuck about art and education instead of 5pm deadlines.

We're in a pandemic and she's not at school, no 16 year old does their homework 5 days before it's due in, especially when they're experiencing this poor excuse of home education. Leave her be before you pushy parent her towards hating art.

Thats completely uncalled for.

Oh seriously OP, give over

I'm doing a PhD and still submit work 5 mins before the deadline

Of all the things for you to become a drama queen about, that isn't one of them

Let the teachers handle it

This. If her work isn't up to standard she needs to hear it from the teachers not you.

And if she fails so what? She'll either pull her socks up and it'll be a reality check or if not maybe this isn't for her.
You don't get one chance in life and the door is closed any more. 16 is young to be driven and the level of self motivation that is required at the moment is hard.
Its hard but I think you have to learn these lessons yourself.

If your biggest complaint about your daughter is that she submits her homework 15 minutes before the deadline then you really need to cut her some slack. This sounds like perfectly normal teenage behaviour, she still did the work, she still submitted it on time.

@Pandoraslastchance

Woah a bit unfair don't you think?

Has your Internet never had issues? If so good for you. We are with the best provider locally that has the best speed that we can afford.

I think it’s unfair to expect her to submit her work well ahead of the deadline and think it’s her fault if something outside of her control happens. Fifteen minutes early should absolutely be long enough for something involving the click of a button. I also think it’s pretty unfair to expect a 16 year old being ‘home educated’ in a house with crappy internet and two young kids around her to be proactive and motivated about her schoolwork. There’s thread after thread on here about how hard parents are finding this lockdown and they mostly get nothing but sympathy. It’s an awful situation for her to be in, I think there should be more recognition of that.

I agree and think this is not worth an argument. Its before the deadline. And if something was unforeseen, ie Internet connection failed, then she would have to explain that to a teacher. Some people work close to deadlines and sail close to the wind, others submit early and neither is wrong, just different working styles. I think at 16 she can manage her own work and homework, completely unnecessary for you to be breathing down her neck to submit work early when she is doing it within the timescales

Most students (not all) drop a subject between as and a level anyway so even if she does fail art this year, she will still have 3 other subjects to carry on with. Alternatively, she will learn from failing and resit the year.

She's only doing 3 Art, geography and English literature and language(which only equals one A Level)

If you're teaching your younger kids then you might want to learn how to use me, myself and I. It's a bit rich to go on about your daughter's learning when you can't grasp English.

She submitted it before the deadline; that's fine. Maybe she should be working more but if her school aren't actually bothering to give much coursework then what do you expect to happen to her motivation? If I was her and my school were giving my one homework piece a week plus one half hour class, I think I would have started to give up at that point too. The school need to be doing more.

I am a teacher with a 6th form tutor group and I do I see this all the time the time and I would say yes -back off snd let her manage her own time. She produces a poor ppt she get s low mark and feedback on how to improve. You and kind snd well-meaning but it is counterproductive. Trust her and let her take responsibility and get the grade she deserves.

When your child is born they are completely dependent on you. It’s your job, as they grow, to allow them to learn independence. At 16, your daughter is close to the end of what she has learned from you. She needs to learn for herself the consequences of her actions. Be supportive by all means, but remember it’s not always the brightest or the most talented that succeed, it’s the ones who constantly do the work. Sounds like your daughter needs to learn that.

@Wenolikeexplodeythings

If you're teaching your younger kids then you might want to learn how to use me, myself and I. It's a bit rich to go on about your daughter's learning when you can't grasp English.

She submitted it before the deadline; that's fine. Maybe she should be working more but if her school aren't actually bothering to give much coursework then what do you expect to happen to her motivation? If I was her and my school were giving my one homework piece a week plus one half hour class, I think I would have started to give up at that point too. The school need to be doing more.

Whats the need to be so rude? You don't know anything about me, I made a few mistakes with my grammar.

I think if my mother had been hovering over my shoulder at 16, berating me for submitting my homework 15 minutes before the deadline and showing off how easy she found all of my assignments, I would have had a nervous breakdown.

Yeah sounds pretty standard tbh - i stupidly left everything to the last minute all through school and all through uni! Always got the stuff submitted on time - there was a lot of all nighters though and complete exhaustion and it was all my own fault and I never learned from my mistakes 😂😂

You do sound too involved though - she’s 16! Leave her to it

It's very difficult and I think you have to be a parent going through similar to fully 'get it'

I have two kids - my eldest sailed through school , went to uni and now has a well paying graduate job

So my youngest has been a little bit of a shock! He's 14 but has suspected ADD. He slips through the school cracks as he is well behaved and engaged in lessons

At home is is as happy as Larry until a homework deadline looms. Then he panics, gets anxious, won't do it , and then... scribbles off any old rubbish. So I'm making a really concerted effort to help him right now - he just cannot learn on his own as his ADD doesn't lend itself to self learning

I've tried everything. Help, sitting with him, getting him to choose when he does it, planning it out ... we have limited success but I can't just sit back and let him fail - he will be fine once he's back in his best learning environment

So I know he's younger than yours OP and has some additional needs but the principle is the same. No parent can sit back and watch their child fail so all you can do is keep parenting in the way that YOU think is best and that's all any of us can do

OP: I'm in a similar place with yr 12 DS.
I have made peace with the idea of him failing.
I can wait to see what really happens.
I imagine decision moment will be June -- that's ok, too.

My view is that DS has to want to do the work. Right now I think he's bored stiff by it. He's only sticking school lessons this long because he doesn't know a different lifestyle - and there aren't a lot of obvious alternatives.

DS is quite clever but sitting & mostly self-directed learning just isn't his style. I can't conceive he'll go to Uni now. He started losing interest in his A-levels even when he had F2F lessons, so not just a temporary Lockdown problem.

Lots of kids drop out of 6th form and find other good ways forward with their lives. No biggie.

My dd is the same age and I don’t get involved with her school work at all, she’s doing A level maths, computing and English lit, she’s literally working hard all day, during her free periods she’s working, I hardly see her between 8am and 4pm. I have no idea what work she is being set but I know she’s keeping up with it and handing work in on time.

I think at 16 they should take some responsibility for organising their time and completing school work but I do understand that it’s very hard at the moment, adapting to homeschooling is harder for some than others.