To let my 16yo fail?

[Pandoraslastchance]

16yo is doing AS level art(as well as geography and English literature and language) She has one zoom lesson a day of about 30 minutes(I'm not happy with this lack of eduction from the 6th form as i hoped that the teachers would provide more work for the students to do as lockdown progressed)

We are struggling so much right now. She is the eldest of 3, has her own room, her younger sisters are in bed by 7. 16yo has from 7 until 9 for homework etc.They are all being homeschooling by myself and my partner(he is my carer)

Younger ones are completing their set class work(years 3 and 1) reading, spellings, daily maths work sheets, class topics etc with a slight battle tbh but that's to be expected.

16yo is putting in the absolute bare minimum. This weeks homework for her was to submit her sketchbook via PowerPoint. So literally just taking photos of her sketches and putting them on slides on PowerPoint, not hard, difficult or time consuming. It was due in today at 5pm. I have been asking all week if she has homework or any tasks set from the last zoom session. All i get back is groans or she grunts "I've done it" etc. I warn her not to leave it until the last minute.
She was also set a task to present 6-8 photos on a topic of their choice. The photos have to be edited,filtered etc and presented in a 'zine' format (bit like a mini magazine or pamphlet). This is due in next week. If it was left to her it would be 6 photos stuck on a white piece of card and handed in. Me and her dad have been saying she needs more content than just the photos. She chose a topic of japan and there is so much such as certain colours, artists, art mediums such as block printing , culture, modern Japan vs the different time periods etc( me and her dad managed to completely fill a A4 sheet of paper with ideas within 5 minutes).

Guess what time she submitted her sketch book? 4:45 pm this evening!! We had Internet difficulties yesterday as it was up and down like yoyo. I keep telling her not to leave things to the last minute, to put more effort in with things.

Me and her dad were the ones who sat and brainstormed her topic as she just sat there.
Do we sit back and let her fail? Or do we keep practically doing it all for her?

I think it’s unfair to expect her to submit her work well ahead of the deadline and think it’s her fault if something outside of her control happens. Fifteen minutes early should absolutely be long enough for something involving the click of a button. I also think it’s pretty unfair to expect a 16 year old being ‘home educated’ in a house with crappy internet and two young kids around her to be proactive and motivated about her schoolwork. There’s thread after thread on here about how hard parents are finding this lockdown and they mostly get nothing but sympathy. It’s an awful situation for her to be in, I think there should be more recognition of that.

I agree with this. We're not in normal circumstances. She may not see the point if there's not much interaction with school?

However I don't think you should spoon feed her either. Just support her, ask her if she's OK.

I think the teenagers are having a horrible time of it at the moment, so would go easy on the criticism.

I’d have a conversation and tell her you’re going to back off and she needs to be more independent. Ask her if she needs any help with work but don’t ask about deadlines etc unless she brings it up.

At her age I’d just had enough of academia, I hated it. I went on to uni but to do a vocational course and have done well. Maybe it’s just not for her.

OP, it is possible that the way you’re communicating with your dd is not necessarily addressing what she’s saying to you? So if she’s saying she can’t do it/doesn’t know what to do, is she actually asking for ideas? Or is she looking for a bit of sympathy, or just a prod, like “you know a lot about Japan, just have a think”. Her having a moan and you immediately brainstorming was probably quite off-putting to her if she wasn’t actually meaning she needed help. To me, there's one thing she's asking you for that you aren't giving - space. I don't mean necessarily verbally asking, I mean through her body language as well as what she says. She's telling you she's already done it because she wants you to back off.

Also, from your posts I think you’re being a little bit dismissive of some things that actually might be causing her to struggle concentrating. If she needs quiet time to really focus, I can imagine that two much younger siblings would disturb her. When I was a teenager I always found it impossible to work in my bedroom because I would get distracted so easily. I needed somewhere more neutral to focus. You also said she has between 7-9 to get work done, does she actually work best at those times? Maybe asking her those questions and listening to what she says might help her.

As for taking a step back, yes, I think you should. She will never, ever be organised as long as you keep telling her what to do, because she'll never have the chance to learn how. Let her have that responsibility – don’t ask her all the time what needs to be done, don’t give her all the answers the minute she says she doesn’t know what to do. I know that can be hard, but in the long run, it’s the best thing for her. And if she does fail, she’ll learn from that.
Sorry if this has been quite critical, I don’t mean for it to be. My advice is just try and work from where she is, not from where you think she ought to be.

I wanted to add that until y12, most kids assume that you have to do something extreme like burn down the school before being asked to leave as it's compulsory education. My ds had a tricky y12 which he was lucky not to fail and I think that this factored into his thinking. He's a "cram it in at the last minute" student so probably felt why should he study when he exam is in y13? He's one of those people who are great at winging things which didn't help his false confidence.

There's absolutely no point doing it for her though!
Part of a parent's job is to train teens in independence skills. Sometimes you have to sit back and watch them fail. If she can't manage her workload at 16-17 how could she be self motivated enough for uni? She has to learn to manage it for herself.