MIL actively discouraging education

[GigglingLondoner]

NC for this. MIL benchmarks people. Usually ‘So and so got such a degree’ or something. So she takes education very seriously. Almost too seriously, they might have done nothing else but hey - they did that. They were in that set at school, or they know about this or that academic minutia. Indeed, it’s always been so important that anyone who achieved (especially monetary) success in a non academic field (like business) is actually inferior. My family had a lot of success in such an inferior manner which she bitterly resents.

So to the issue, SIL spends a lot of tine ramming the genius of her DC down everyone’s throats, something MIL participates in fully. MIL tells me more about them than asks about ours. As it goes, ours do nicely thank you very much but we just let their own progress speak for itself. I don’t feel the need to be do aggressive about it, especially considering the advantages they are at because of said inferior but non the less ever present legacy they can tap into unlike SIL’s kids (or her which again she bitterly resents).

So to the issue, so whilst MIL standard and well documented view is that education is the bee all and end all - even down to the very vocal joy she expressed as recently as even last week that SILs kids will be at such an advantage as they are so old in their year - she has almost taken to actively discouraging education with us: ‘if they don’t do well this year what does it matter?’ And ‘if they repeat a year or don’t quite manage to do this or that, it’s not important’. ‘It’s much more important that they just play’.

Now all kids are in primary, and if she had this view generally I would think she was pretty balanced but she seems to have one set view for everyone but us, where her view is almost at odds. So aibu to feel pissed off? That she is almost undermining? Like kids who say ‘it’s not cool to work’ whilst studying hard themselves in a bid to get ahead....(Not that it will work cos we would never listen to something so stupid). Or am I being far too sensitive and actually she’s just being a kind old grandma?

As long as she doesn't compare your dc with her other grandchildren within their earshot, then put it to the back of your mind and forget it.

She's clearly obsessed in a particular way and you aren't going to make her think any different, but what you can do is change the way you respond to it - and I suggest you ignore it all.

@GigglingLondoner your career is more likely to be doomed because you're incapable of stringing a coherent sentence together.

The age of your respective children makes a difference. Encouraging your 5/6 year old primary school children to focus on play while encouraging their 10/11 year old cousins to focus on attaining grades is perfectly reasonable.

I suspect you're not giving the full picture because it doesn't suit your rags to riches, "boohoo why is she so mean we're down to earth people" narrative

Well PolPot, considering you have added very little apart from a spoonful of rudeness PolPot I suggest you get out of your slobbing gear and have a snack. Might make you feel a little better.

You talk about levelling up but you have your children privately educated to buy them an advantage over children whose parents cant afford private education.

Perhaps she is just trying to show that children can do well without buying privilege.

And please dont pretend you have a business for the common good. Its laughable.

But for your information, it would be very much the other way round with my children currently steaming towards their final primary years. SIL's a few years behind.

@GigglingLondoner

But for your information, it would be very much the other way round with my children currently steaming towards their final primary years. SIL's a few years behind.

This is such a weird way of phrasing it - like your children are doing better or have won the race by being older!

Every time you post I am more sure that the problem is you...

Not really hardbackwriter - I was answering a specific question to a particular poster. It was therefore, for their information.

Insane. Sorry but utterly bonkers. They are in primary! Private school does not guarantee success in life it really doesn’t. The competitiveness in your family is horrible and very corrosive. Poor kids.

Good lord, MsSwift I hope that wasn't directed at me. I really don't.

I have not said at any point I believe that private school guarantees success.. In fact, for most of the thread I have been accused by those who have not shared my view, of just not giving enough of a crap about my kids education and that MIL was just trying to align her views with mine (against her better judgement no doubt poor soul).

I don't understand why peoole are attacking you, it's very unfair. Your MIL sounds as if she doesn't want your kids to suceed as much as your SILs kids - it's very sad that she can't be happy that your kids have opportunities just because her other GC don't have them. She sounds as if she wants to level the playing field by pulling yours back. The advice to smile and nod and change the subject is, i think, the best thing to do.