AIBU to wish alcoholic dh was dead

[rOsie80]

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It must be utterly fucking miserable living with someone who is addicted to something. Somebody who is unable to put anything or anyone else before their addiction. Who knows how it feels. I can imagine being so alone and betrayed that we could feel the same OP.

Been there.
YANBU.
Can't you leave? Or kick him out?

I can understand how you feel what a terribly sad situation I really feel for you

As for saying leave well for many it’s not that easy and to leave fearing they will drink themselves to death once you have gone is why so many stay (and have very often been manipulated into believing this)

It’s often a waiting game and everyone’s lives around the person who is slowing killing themselves is destroyed

@RootyT00t

I think il hide this thread. Very disturbing reading.

You do that.

My dad has now passed away, and I grieved more for what COULD have and SHOULD have been. Terribly sad.

This thread is difficult to read but that’s a choice

But this discussion is one that so many need to have

@BrutusMcDogface I so get this. My Mum has just recently died and basically drank herself to death. I have been grieving her for a long time. I feel so sad for what could have and should have been. Hugs to you.

My sister is an alcoholic, in denial for the most part. She does not want help or to help herself.

It’s so hard to watch those you love slowly and painfully kill themselves in front of you, So yes I get what you are saying OP.

I love my sister, I miss her and I would do anything for her but I cannot do anything to help her if she does not want to be helped, is your husband the same?

Waiting for someone to die as you watch on helpless, is horrendous.

For everyone who finds this mean or evil then IMO they are simply lucky enough to never have lived it.

I hope you can leave OP. You staying will not change the outcome.

I used to feel the same about my alcoholic DM. I feel guilty now she’s actually dead, but in the moment it’s all I could think about. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I get what you are saying OP, you are watching him die slowly, feel helpless as the man you love has all but disappeared and wish he was out of his misery.

It would be "tidier" if it happens sooner rather than later. No separation, no still worrying about him when he is living alone Wakering for the phone call or finding him dead. No worrying about the children visiting and if he will be sober and the long drawn out impact on them. But at the same time you don't want the man your dh was to die.

As hard and messy as it will be, the right thing is to leave. Stop enabling him, dont support him and it may just be the wake up call he needs and he may bounce back from rock bottom, or not, but it is the right thing.

OP I know how you feel but I'm a bit further down the line from you my partner died in November from alcohol related illness it wasn't pleasant but I think now he's not troubled anymore. My feelings of relief are mixed with guilt for feeling this way. I miss his company in the house, especially as it's lockdown, but it's the man I met originally I miss, the funny friendly kind man, not the person he became. I have been going to al anon for a year and a half so that has helped and they were a great support when he died. Please think about your own future, my last few years with him were awful. But get yourself some support I really recommend Al Anon. Wishing you love and hope.

I was afraid to allow my ex to look after our children once I realised he had a problem. I realised too late, after he had put them in in danger on holiday - little non-swimmers, pool etc, bar.. drunk....
I know how hard it is to separate and can imagine how powerless you feel against someone who works in law. My ex had no law experience but kind of fancied himself as skilled, he would have loved to cross-examine me. Luckily it never came to that. The evidence of alcoholism was there on police records and health records too.
It’s so hard when they’re little too. Have you tried women's aid/ IDAS for advice? I also found them invaluable for their advice. They were friendly but sensible, have seen it all before, sadly. I had counselling through them, to help me through the feelings.
When the alcoholic makes you afraid for your life or just to make the right choices for your own wellbeing it’s not a position any of us should be in. If I were you I would get a free hour consultation with a solicitor, so you know exactly where you stand and -for example- what kind of evidence would stand up in court to show he is an alcoholic.

Sorry- meant to quote Lorianmando in my post...

@MrsCalypsoGrant thank you.

And for anyone wary of AA and Al Anon because they (to my despair) refer to god, it's really nothing to do with region at all.

I'm an atheist and AA saved my life. You only need to accept to you, the alcoholic cannot stop drinking on your own. Because if we could, we would.

I am so, so sorry for all of you who had/have to live with people like me.

You didn't cause it and you can't cure it. Sounds trite but it's true.

@Shannith yes it was the saving of me, took me a while to get my head round higher power as a total non believer but it came eventually

I can understand this totally. I just hope you are safe and able to find a way out.

My kids dad drank himself to death, I get it op

I used to wish my alcoholic step mother fell under a double decker bus.

I get it OP.

DH’s father was an alcoholic. He says he used to walk in from school and hope to find him dead every day

I sympathise with you OP. It was such a relief when the police turned up on my doorstep to tell me that they’d found my father’s body after he drank himself to death,

No. My dad was an alcoholic and I used to wish he'd die all the time.
Me too

My DH is an alcoholic and I often wish he would just disappear.

The important thing to remember is
You didn’t cause it
You can’t control it
You can’t cure it

I know how you feel. An ex of mine was an alcoholic and drug user and I enabled him by staying and giving him money when he ran out.

He used to threaten suicide if I left so I stayed for much longer than I should have. I started wishing he would over dose or die drunk so I could be free of him so I left and he didn't commit suicide anyway and had less money to spend on his drugs and alcohol.