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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you react if a family member or a friend chose not to have the vaccine?

329 replies

Laiste · 30/01/2021 17:34

Is this going to divide people and friendships?

(i know it's a minority who wont have it, but still ... how do you feel?)

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 31/01/2021 07:38

It would depend why.
When the guidance was unclear regarding breastfeeding mums, I had huge reservations about having it whilst I was breastfeeding. Now things are clearer I'm happy to have it.

If someone doesn't have it then it's their choice and I would respect that.

I would struggle to respect anyone who parroted conspiracy theories or was sharing misinformation. Someone I know is telling everyone they won't be having it because it isn't safe and hasn't been tested. It has changed my view of them.

Imapotato · 31/01/2021 07:39

I would respect the fact that’s it’s a free country and adults are allowed to make their own choices.

Oreservoir · 31/01/2021 07:41

It would depend.
My dp's have had their first vaccine but I would probably have been unimpressed if they had refused it.
For younger people it's really their business.
If it prevented the spread of covid then I may feel differently.

BamboozledandBefuddled · 31/01/2021 08:13

I'm hoping that my in-laws will be so horrified that DH and I aren't being vaccinated that they'll refuse to see us ever again. Unfortunately, I suspect I'm not going to be that lucky.

everybodysang · 31/01/2021 09:19

@AllMyPrettyOnes

That's pretty much why my mum won't have it and it has been the final straw for our relationship. She's a selfish fucking idiot.

She's a selfish fucking idiot for having health anxiety? You sound pleasant.

I am pleasant. She is not. Her problems go far beyond health anxiety and she gave me a terrible childhood because she is a dreadfully selfish person.
everybodysang · 31/01/2021 09:22

I do also think that the WHO call to stop vaccinating in the UK (and elsewhere) once we have vaccinated the vulnerable and carers/teachers etc and help other countries who have no vaccines is an excellent idea. Because we have to be unselfish so we can get back to some semblance of normality.

Roussette · 31/01/2021 09:26

The person I know.... well, it doesn't surprise me one little bit. She's a friend of a friend.

It's unsafe she says and hasn't researched anything. Her mum is in a care home, and my friend gently said to her... you might well be unable to see her if you don't get vaccinated. She said 'what will be will be, I won't be able to see her then.' Shock

Then my friend said to her... what about your trips to the Far East... perhaps you won't be able to fly (she goes at least twice a year).

Ahhhh 'maybe I will have it then'.

So she'll give up seeing her very elderly Mum but not her holidays. Tells me all I need to know about one particular person who decides not to be vaccinated!

I honestly think that many many people who say they aren't having it will slowly change their minds for all sorts of reasons.

LittleBearPad · 31/01/2021 09:33

Everyone saying that the jabs don’t don’t prevent spread of COVID is wrong.

We don’t know yet if they prevent it. This is very different to know that they don’t.

They do also prevent people catching it. That’s the whole point of the efficacy percentages.

notacooldad · 31/01/2021 09:37

*Freedom of choice is nit a cure all for crap decision making !
I have freedom of choice about whether to do some awful crime. I’d hope no one would say ‘well I believe in freedom of choice’ if I were to ffs.
Not being vaccinated is not a crime though. You cant force any one to have it done.

If what you mean is you agree that choosing not to be vaccinated (in absence of any medical etc reason) is a valid choice then say so. I've already been vaccinated.

Schoolchoicesucks · 31/01/2021 09:42

A colleague's 95 year old great aunt has refused the vaccine because of concerns over the long term side effects.

Not the immediate side effects (I appreciate for some very frail people, even very mild flu-like side effects could be damaging) but the "long term" ones. At 95.

Her choice, absolutely. However she moved in with her daughter (in her 70s) last April so that she wouldn't have to be shopping etc. She is unable to get up stairs, so has taken over the daughter's living space. The only bathroom in the house is upstairs, so she is only able to wash in the downstairs toilet. She was previously a very independent and social person who would walk every day (a flat route). And visit other family members and go on holidays. And now she is housebound and totally reliant on her daughter and unwilling to take steps to change that.

I don't understand that.

LazyName · 31/01/2021 09:43

I’m really not bothered! My friend is obsessed with the vaccine and that we are all going to get it etc as it’s the miracle ‘way out’ but I’m not going to get it.
Correct me if I’m wrong but I understand it only reduces the effect of covid in people and they are still able to spread it? I’ve already had covid mildly (not an ‘at risk’ person) so therefore the vaccine makes no difference to me and I could still end up spreading it to the vulnerable?!

The fact it’s all so rushed and there’s so many different vaccines now worries me, yes I know it’s all ‘tested and checked’ but it seems such a hasty process I’m quite wary. Maybe that’s just because I’m such a slow decision maker!

LittleBearPad · 31/01/2021 09:45

but I understand it only reduces the effect of covid in people and they are still able to spread it?

This is being studied. It isn’t certain that it stops the spread so no one is going to say that it definitely does.

This has been misinterpreted to mean it definitely doesn’t.

VettiyaIruken · 31/01/2021 09:48

I'd think they are stupid but view it very much as their problem if their choice leads to them getting covid. I would stay away from them until I'd had both my jabs.

HeronLanyon · 31/01/2021 10:34

notacooldad it was an analogy !

QueenoftheAir · 31/01/2021 11:23

I'd not want to be in their company until I'd been vaccinated myself. Even then, I'd probably be wary. Vaccination doesn't proof you 100% against catching something; it's a nasty disease.

LazyName · 31/01/2021 11:38

@LittleBearPad

but I understand it only reduces the effect of covid in people and they are still able to spread it?

This is being studied. It isn’t certain that it stops the spread so no one is going to say that it definitely does.

This has been misinterpreted to mean it definitely doesn’t.

I see! Thanks Smile
StCharlotte · 31/01/2021 11:55

@Myneighboursnorlax

It depends on the reason. If they were worried about the side affects etc then I’d say it’s their choice. If they said they didn’t want it because they believe Bill Gates has put a chip in it, then I’d lose respect for them very quickly.
Absolutely.

I know two or three who won't be having it. Ironically one works in pharmaceuticals so I'd be interested in his reasons.

I certainly won't be falling out with anyone. I just won't be licking them.

JaneNorman · 31/01/2021 11:56

Given vaccination is the way to achieve herd immunity it’s absolutely other people’s business what proportion of the population is vaccinated

THIS.

If we get to the stage where we can’t start easing restrictions because too many people have opted out I’ll be seriously pissed off.

DenisetheMenace · 31/01/2021 12:01

Unless there was a medical reason for not having it, I would tell them I thought they were making a very poor decision. I wouldn’t be prepared to make allowances either, if for example they expected me to continue shopping for them.

Buzzinwithbez · 31/01/2021 12:03

For those of us with no co-morbidities, when they have the data that supports the vaccines reducing the spread, then it becomes a different decision because the risk/benefit changes.
We might find that the effectiveness of reducing spread depends on the vaccine. I'm happy to wait ( not that I have a choice) and take a more targeted approach.

Whiskeylover45 · 31/01/2021 12:07

If it was because they didn't want a Microsoft chip implanted under their skin, I would probably tell them not to be a fucking idiot. That level of stupid would destroy any friendship really.

If it was because they just wanted to wait a bit to see what side effects happen, and were being cautious in regards to having an unproven vaccine, then I would respect it because it's their body at the end of the day and that's non of my business

Hotcuppatea · 31/01/2021 12:10

It wouldn't worry me in the slightest on a personal level. I know several people who are pro vaccine who have no intention of getting this vaccination and I'm not going to judge.

ElliFAntspoo · 31/01/2021 12:21

@LittleBearPad

Lol at people making informed choices not to have it. This isn’t true for a overwhelming majority of people who have no medical reason not to have it and are therefore being hugely stupid and selfish.
Just playing devil's advocate here , but on the basis that there is no proven track record, unlike say Polio or TB vaccines, why would you inject something into your arm that your television has told you to, on the basis that you believe your doctor, who has no choice whatsoever but to do what he is told or lose his income, and on the back of every single company that made these vaccines being told they have no responsibility for anything that happens and will never be prosecuted for anything that might happen?

What you are advocating is injecting something into your arm based on faith, and to show how much faith we have, we have absolved everyone else of all responsibility under the law.

Which is fine. But you go on to say people who do not have the same faith as you do are selfish and stupid. Maybe they are right to believe that we who take the vaccine are ignorant and stupid to threaten our children with the trauma of losing a parent, and we are the ones who should be getting off our backsides and researching. After all, they have zero to gain financially by not getting an injection, but the doctors and the pharmaceutical companies are all getting paid to make sure we do.

ElliFAntspoo · 31/01/2021 12:26

@JaneNorman

Given vaccination is the way to achieve herd immunity it’s absolutely other people’s business what proportion of the population is vaccinated

THIS.

If we get to the stage where we can’t start easing restrictions because too many people have opted out I’ll be seriously pissed off.

That's BS.

Vaccination does not create herd immunity. It creates a medically dependent immunity whereby your entire population (or 80% of whatever the figure is) has to go and get their vaccination every year in order for herd immunity to exist.

So, if I had a company that produced a product, and I could guarantee that 80% of an entire county's population had to use my product every year, I'd be loaded. That is the perfect market to be in.

ElliFAntspoo · 31/01/2021 12:32

Vaccines aside, if you don't let the virus in through the holes in your face (eyes, nose mouth) the odds of you catching the virus are practically zero. Granted, there are a few known of cases where people are believed to have been infected through open wounds or wiping in a toilet, but these remain unproven. So if you keep clean, wear a mask, and don't rub it into your, the odds are practically zero that you will catch anything. It has to go in through your face.