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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you react if a family member or a friend chose not to have the vaccine?

329 replies

Laiste · 30/01/2021 17:34

Is this going to divide people and friendships?

(i know it's a minority who wont have it, but still ... how do you feel?)

OP posts:
FrostyChocolateMilkshake · 31/01/2021 00:26

Well I have already decided I am not having it (I probably won't be offered it for a while yet anyway to be honest).

If my family and friends turned against me for this I would be disgusted and ashamed that they could judge me so easily. No one else's business if you decide to have it or not.

LandGirlJudy · 31/01/2021 00:28

Not accepting a particular vaccination doesn’t make you an “anti-vaxxer”.

This ^^

What if your reason is you have crippling health anxiety and are terrified to get it in case you have a bad reaction? Nice to know so many people on here would just have nothing to do with somebody with debilitating mental health issues Hmm

Honeyroar · 31/01/2021 00:31

My “friend” has been going on and on about how wonderful the NHS is (worked miracles to save her mums few years before) and how we should appreciate the government. Yet this week saying she’s not having the jab as she doesn’t trust it. Hypocrite.

everybodysang · 31/01/2021 00:32

My mum is refusing it. She's always been anti meds etc (won't take paracetamol for a headache, that kind of thing). She's also terrified of needles. I already thought she was a fucking idiot and this really confirms it for me.

Ginflinger · 31/01/2021 00:33

I just despair

everybodysang · 31/01/2021 00:34

I also agree that refusing to have it is massively selfish and I would be prepared to end friendships over it.

everybodysang · 31/01/2021 00:35

@LandGirlJudy

Not accepting a particular vaccination doesn’t make you an “anti-vaxxer”.

This ^^

What if your reason is you have crippling health anxiety and are terrified to get it in case you have a bad reaction? Nice to know so many people on here would just have nothing to do with somebody with debilitating mental health issues Hmm

That's pretty much why my mum won't have it and it has been the final straw for our relationship. She's a selfish fucking idiot.
coulditbeanymorerubbish · 31/01/2021 00:41

I won't be having it, yet anyway.

  1. It doesn't make you immune, it is supposed to reduce the severity of it, however that's not guaranteed.
  1. There is no evidence to show it doesn't effect fertility and as a young woman wanting more children at some point, I will consider it after I have completed my family.
coulditbeanymorerubbish · 31/01/2021 00:42

Why do people think it's selfish? It doesn't stop you spread it.

everybodysang · 31/01/2021 00:48

@coulditbeanymorerubbish

Why do people think it's selfish? It doesn't stop you spread it.
I think it's selfish because the more people are vaccinated, the quicker we can get out of this mess.

I feel the same about all vaccinations tbh. Selfish not to if you can have it.

daisypond · 31/01/2021 00:53

@coulditbeanymorerubbish

Why do people think it's selfish? It doesn't stop you spread it.
Because if you catch the disease badly, or died,- it may make the people you caught it from feel guilty; it will use up NHS resources trying to cure you; maybe other people won’t get the treatment they need for their diseases. Of course, if you yourself develop a serious disease you will no doubt be happy to not be treated for your cancer, Parkinson’s, brain tumour etc, as the NHS will no longer be able treat you properly, having spent time and money treating you unnecessarily for covid.
HibernatingTill2030 · 31/01/2021 00:58

I'm not even discussing it with friends or family. It's up to them, and not my business. We didn't discuss Brexit either, I have no idea how most of them voted unless they decided to tell me (and I didn't, and don't care which way!)
If someone decides to say they are not having it, I really don't care. It doesn't matter how vulnerable they are. It's their choice, and they are adults. Not my business.
When you learn to not stress about things you can't control, life is much easier!

coulditbeanymorerubbish · 31/01/2021 01:08

@everybodysang why would someone feel guilty? And maybe lots of people are weighing it up? Covid is likely to be mild for most so some will see little point in having it.

coulditbeanymorerubbish · 31/01/2021 01:10

@everybodysang I must be selfish then! Ah well not enough research on fertility for me and I'm not vulnerable so likely to have it mildly, also I'm not putting my fertility at potential risk.

I'm not anti vax, either. I paid for an additional vaccine for my daughter on top of her routine vaccinations.

furonthecoat · 31/01/2021 01:36

I'd judge someone more who outwardly judged someone else for having/not having the vaccine than I would the person who made the decision for themselves. Those kind of people are entitled busybodies. As long as they're not ramming it down everyone's throats (whether had or chose not to have it) then I really don't care and I believe stringently in bodily autonomy.

I do judge antivaxxers and covid 'microchippers' because of the believing of blatant misinformation. But covid has only been around for a year. I know they can speed up the process of testing a drug but one thing no one can speed up is time so there's really no way of knowing yet if this jab has a 5-10 year side effect of really does effect fertility so I completely understand people's reluctance or hesitation and ultimately choice not to have it.

As someone in their twenties with an autoimmune disease that doesn't put me on the CEV list, who's had covid and only found out by a headache/the luck of asymptomatic testing I'm wavering on whether I will or won't have it.

  1. I'm young and I've had covid and been lucky enough to be fine - my risk is very low
  2. My autoimmune disease could mean I could react very badly to a vaccine - just isn't enough is known about niche cases yet and how the vaccine may affect these groups
  3. I want kids, and again, not enough is known about effects on fertility yet

I'm very pro-vax, thus far have had every one ever offered to be (bar Japanese encephalitis). I don't believe covid is a conspiracy or the vaccine is a microchip or anything like that. But I am cautious. Luckily I'm quite far off getting offered it but I'm yet to decide. And any self absorbed busybody who dares to judge me without knowing the full circumstances can fuck off. Covid has caused another epidemic of nosy entitlement among many and I refuse to pander to them. Even if I do decide to get it I won't be broadcasting it or telling anyone else what to do. In fact I think the nosy fuckers are beginning to annoy me more than the bill gates microchippers - Atleast what they're saying come from a place of ignorance (and fear) rather than entitlement to others autonomy.

furonthecoat · 31/01/2021 01:45

Oh and it's totally different if you judge someone inwardly/to a trusted private confidant. We all judge every day of ours lives and often it happens before we even think about it.

  1. I judge the guy who wears purple jeans with lace trim
  2. I judge the people who don't eat a relatively healthy diet
  3. I judge people who you can smell on them that they smoke
  4. I judge people who have Sex with people they're not serious with without a condom
  5. I judge people who choose to have a child knowing it'll be born with a serious, debilitating condition or disease
Etc

I judge so many people before I've even caught myself doing it. But the difference is I catch myself on and mind my own. Unless they're preaching at me or expecting me to do something to facilitate them then it's not my place and not worth falling out with people or being holier than thou about.

AllMyPrettyOnes · 31/01/2021 04:27

That's pretty much why my mum won't have it and it has been the final straw for our relationship. She's a selfish fucking idiot.

She's a selfish fucking idiot for having health anxiety? You sound pleasant.

waydownwego · 31/01/2021 05:20

I was going to say I would react by limiting my in-person social contact with them, but then I realised that I'm still going to be limiting my in-person social contact with people who have had the jab, so actually, what consequences are there? Even when I have the jab myself, I'm still going to socially distance and wear a mask. A jab isn't magic, it just gives you better odds.

DeeCeeCherry · 31/01/2021 06:11

I don't ask. So unless they volunteer information as to whether or not they'll have the vaccine, I won't know. If I do get to know - it's their personal decision either way. That's it.

RaidersoftheLostAardvark · 31/01/2021 07:01

Largely I wouldn't comment- unless it looks like a vaccine does reduce asymptomatic transmission, in which case I would avoid them/ point out they are putting others at risk. However if I thought their decision was based on misinformation or if they were clinically vulnerable I'd try & have a non-judgmental chat as their vaccine refusal might do them serious harm.

HeronLanyon · 31/01/2021 07:08

I’d be astonished.
I’d reduce contact.
I’d tell them they were being absolute tossers.
I’d whinge on to my dp to get it out of my system (!)
Luckily no one in my family or friends is foolish/selfish like this.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 31/01/2021 07:25

I wouldn't care. I will be having the vaccine but I absolutely believe in freedom of choice.

HeronLanyon · 31/01/2021 07:30

Freedom of choice is nit a cure all for crap decision making !
I have freedom of choice about whether to do some awful crime. I’d hope no one would say ‘well I believe in freedom of choice’ if I were to ffs.

If what you mean is you agree that choosing not to be vaccinated (in absence of any medical etc reason) is a valid choice then say so.

PhilCornwall1 · 31/01/2021 07:33

@Laiste

Someone in your household chooses not to?
It's their choice.

I've actually no idea if my wife is going to have it, if/when she's called as I've not directly asked the question. Totally her choice and her business.

For my boys, as far as I'm concerned, it's their choice. I won't influence them either way.

I will have it, as ultimately it'll probably go the same way for me as the flu vaccine. If I don't have that, one of my drugs I need is taken away from me. So no real choice for me.

KatherineJaneway · 31/01/2021 07:34

Privately I'd think they were incredibly foolish but I wouldn't react in public. You can't force someone to have the vaccine.