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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How would you react if a family member or a friend chose not to have the vaccine?

329 replies

Laiste · 30/01/2021 17:34

Is this going to divide people and friendships?

(i know it's a minority who wont have it, but still ... how do you feel?)

OP posts:

Buzzinwithbez · 30/01/2021 20:08

The way I have reacted - to respect their choice.. no intervention is risk free.

NoOpinionNoProblem · 30/01/2021 20:14

Is this going to divide people and friendships?

Er no, it isn't going to divide people. Not everyone has all the vaccines available to them, but they may choose to have some of them and it's their choice. Not everything is all or nothing in life.

Buzzinwithbez · 30/01/2021 20:20

I'm really surprised at people prepared to lose friendships. Even if I've been really scared for a friend because of their decision, I've tried to deal with those feelings in private and not to put them on them.

Imissmoominmama · 30/01/2021 20:21

I’m not sure I understand why carers especially need the vaccine, other than to protect themselves. The government are saying that you can still catch the virus, but the effects would be greatly diminished. You can also still transmit the virus, so having the vaccine doesn’t protect other people from you- they need to be vaccinated for that.

Timbucktime · 30/01/2021 20:23

I would respect their decision as it’s their body and their choice to make, nobody else’s.

countbackfromten · 30/01/2021 20:26

I would be devastated. After nearly a year of going to work daily and seeing what this virus can do to people I am desperate for my parents to get vaccinated. I’m so scared day in day out because I see people their age dying of it and I want them to be protected. Luckily they are incredibly keen to get theirs so I won’t be in that situation but I would really struggle if they weren’t given my experience.

HeyMicky · 30/01/2021 20:29

I would be concerned for the health of elderly or vulnerable relatives.

As (sadly too few) PPs have said, the vaccine won't stop transmission. It just reduces the severity of symptoms if you are exposed.

I think it is extremely selfish to potentially burden the NHS if that can be avoided.

But I am more concerned with getting myself and my family vaccinated then what others do. I will limit contact with everyone until we are protected. Their vax status is irrelevant.

IMightCry · 30/01/2021 20:30

I have a friend who would be highly offended. Infact I've seen a totally different side to her since this pandemic. I'm not sure I like it.

To answer your question, I'd be respectful. Even I'm worried about the vaccine but I'll still get it when its my turn!

tttigress · 30/01/2021 20:30

Please respect their choice OP, it's not worth arguing over such things

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 30/01/2021 20:36

Genuinely I'd think less of them but leave it, unless they spouted anti vax crap in which case I'd call that out for what it is. Unfortunately someone in our friendship group has gone full anti vax while claiming they aren't, it's just this one that's the issue, plus all the others that "cause" autism, etc. Trying to convince people also not to have it. That behaviour is causing a problem rather than the choice iyswim

countbackfromten · 30/01/2021 20:38

I have been the one intubating patients with severe covid 19, helping them call family members before knowing that it may be the last time they ever speak to them. I have been the one carefully turning them onto their front for hours on end, desperately hoping the oxygen in the blood stream improves. I have been the one to call the family and say there is nothing more we can do and their loved one is dying. I have been the one there switching off the ventilator and other machine, certifying their death.

Damn right I would be angry if a family member or a friend refused it. Maybe that makes me a terrible person but the flashbacks of what I do each day and what my colleagues have been through is haunting. The mental health effects of it are still to come. I have been a doctor for over 10 years and this has nearly broken me. The vaccine is the brightest spot in the darkest of times.

epythymy · 30/01/2021 20:41

How would you feel if a friend of family member chose to do as they wished with their own body, OP? Are you a pro lifer as well? I would mind my own business because I make decisions about my own body, nobody else's

Joinedjustforthispost · 30/01/2021 20:46

It wouldn’t bother me ? It’s there choice , I’d only have an opinion if said family member was coming in to contact with someone vulnerable then I’d say it’s selfish. My child is extremely vulnerable that’s why I’m having the vaccine if I get the chance to protect my baby the best way I can .

studychick81 · 30/01/2021 20:46

My MIL has decided not to have the vaccine. She had a bad reaction to one when she was young which led to epilepsy they think. I respect her decision even though I don't agree with it. I wonder what will happen going forwards with seeing us and her grand dcs.

She also reads a load of nonsense about the vaccine and COVID and seems to believe all the conspiracy theories so I do wonder how much this has influenced her decision. Which I find frustrating as she's an intelligent, normal person. Her DH has been shielding since all this began so I wonder what will happen with him too. I think she's silly but ultimately it's her decision.

LouJ85 · 30/01/2021 20:48

I wouldn't react at all. Because other people's personal choices are not my business.

TillyTopper · 30/01/2021 20:49

It wouldn't bother me - it's up to them and I'd respect their decision although I wouldn't agree with it.

AliceMcK · 30/01/2021 20:49

I’ve no intention of having it, anyone has a problem with it, it’s their problem not mine.

Interweb · 30/01/2021 20:49

I'm not sure i would care really, it's their decision.

If they were making that decision for someone else who can't consent for themselves, especially on baseless grounds (ie. no previous reactions/allergies), I might judge a bit more.

MumOfPsuedoAdult · 30/01/2021 20:50

I'm curious, do you ask your friends about other medical procedures? It's topical - but it's personal and none of your business.

Bulldoglady · 30/01/2021 20:50

@evouk

If I've had the vaccine and somebody else hasn't it doesn't effect me as I'm now immune

?? I don’t think you are immune, you just have decreased risk of contracting and if you do get it you’ll have milder symptoms.

OhWhyNot · 30/01/2021 20:51

It’s their choice

I work in mh (nhs) a number of staff are choosing not to be vaccinated

DeathMetalMum · 30/01/2021 20:55

Their choice.

Two of my work colleagues have not had it, (paitent facing healthcare) one feels uncomfortable about the side effects, the vaccine being relatively new and doesn't want it yet. They say they may change their mind in the future. Completely understandable. Other is an anti-vaxxer.

Roussette · 30/01/2021 20:59

All those saying they're not going to have it, and 'it's their problem not mine'
No.
It's your problem, for very many reasons
Selfish

countbackfromten · 30/01/2021 21:05

@Roussette I agree, I think it is incredibly selfish.

OhWhyNot · 30/01/2021 21:07

Yes a number of people I know are concerned that it hasn’t been tested out enough. I can understand why people feel this way (have been vaccinated myself)

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