Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that the effect on children's mental health is exaggerated?

614 replies

SmudgeButt · 30/01/2021 13:17

Look I have no doubt that lots of kids are missing their friends, school, grandparents. And all of these things will effect their development and mental health. But is it really that bad a situation compared to other things in the past?? Or is it just that we talk about it a whole nauseatingly more?

I'm thinking that the current situation isn't a patch on the effect of living in a country that's at war - thinking back to WW2 and the effect of being suddenly shipped off to strangers in the countryside or even to a different country. Thinking of those children in Europe who suddenly had to fend for themselves in Jewish ghettos or concentration camps.

People that survived (yes a lot didn't as they were murdered) no doubt had lifetime impacts but so many of their children say "dad was always cheerful, never talked about what happened".

AIBU to think that in a few years kids of today will say "wow, that was weird and I'm glad it's over, now let's get one with life" ?

OP posts:
lockdownshmockdown · 30/01/2021 21:41

@IDontMindMarmite

In addition to the fact that you are woefully wrong on your statistics (50 times more people died in WW1 and WW2 combined compared with coronavirus) you are also failing to take into account the millions of young fit people who died during the wars. Whether or not it fits with your narrative, it is mostly elderly people who die of coronavirus.

Regardless, the numbers simply do not compare and it is a truly bizarre comparison to make. I feel sorry that you are so scared of the virus that you have convinced yourself it is deadlier than two world wars.

TheKeatingFive · 30/01/2021 21:41

I guess some are more resilient than others.

Well no shit, Sherlock.

What’s the implication of that little contribution?

The less resilient ones should just suck it up? only have themselves to blame?

Do expand.

Notthis2 · 30/01/2021 21:47

^^ with bells on it . This whole thing seems have given people who seem to depise even the existence of children some kind of carte blanche to police parent and kids lives and make sweeping statements about resilience..
One of my children was given out to for touching some rocks ....yes large rocks in a field.... by a woman who appeared sane....
I told her to move on and to stop harassing us and obvs she had nothing else to say with and seemed surprised to have been called out, it makes me wonder how often these incidents are happening to other parents and kids over this period. My dc was actually a bit scared as she was shouting at us. It's absolutely not ok. I'll go out to the countryside as much as I like with my kids, (we respect the rules to the letter and don't go near anyone) if I have no choice to go to the shop with them I will etc etc etc .

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 30/01/2021 21:48

I have 4 kids. I still stand by saying that kids will be fine if parents do their jobs properly.

It's shit, but no need to make it even worst and damage your kids because some parent feel like being a drama queen.

HamnetandJudith · 30/01/2021 21:50

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

I have 4 kids. I still stand by saying that kids will be fine if parents do their jobs properly.

It's shit, but no need to make it even worst and damage your kids because some parent feel like being a drama queen.

So I’m not doing my job properly. Thanks. I have 3 kids and 2 step kids. Unfortunately my dd is likely to have ASD and can’t cope with lack of routine. I’m teaching full time (apparently not doing my job properly there either if you believe what is posted on here). She isn’t fine. But good to know it’s my fault hey.
mbosnz · 30/01/2021 21:51

Number of kids you have doesn't make you a better or worse parent.

It also doesn't make you an expert in other people's kids and what their situation is, and why they may, or may not, be able to deal with it right now.

Just be appreciative that you and your kids can deal with it right now, and perhaps try to understand that your situation and your children's situation is not universal.

Nohomeschoolingtoday · 30/01/2021 21:53

The constant race to the bottom.
Unless you’ve experienced a teenager going through mental health issues you won’t have a clue.
You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors at all. Everyone has had a very very different experience to lockdown. Children reacted in different ways as do adults.
My friends completely lockdown back last early March and even when things lifted slightly was keeping the door firmly locked it was only when he realised how desperately sad his 6 year old daughter was that he changed and opened a little- the day that little girl got to play in a field with a friend he said he will never forget her smile he had only thought of his needs and thought locking the door meant he was keeping everyone safe.
Some children have found homeschooling fine - first lockdown my daughter never did it this time she is fine and all is well. I’m lucky doesn’t mean I need to brag or assume people are doing something wrong if their child isn’t.
I have a very different experience with my older daughter and she is struggling regardless of my support and openness. I never thought I’d be in a suituation where I have to lock knives away and remove all cutting things. & try to not obviously look to see if she cut her legs or arms. I believe it will be ok but I’m worried for the long term affect -The young will be paying for this financially & mentally for a long time.

HamnetandJudith · 30/01/2021 21:53

Oh and I’m not a drama queen in any way. You can’t be when you have a child who is emotionally disregulated. I take her to therapy, fill in the ASD assessment forms, take her to support groups, give her the vitamins that I hope might help, buy the SAD lamp, take her on bike rides and walks, talk to her, stay with her in hospital and call the police if I fear she’s in danger. Please tell me what else I need to do, as you obviously know best.

Iknowwhatudidlastsummer · 30/01/2021 21:55

@mbosnz

Number of kids you have doesn't make you a better or worse parent.

It also doesn't make you an expert in other people's kids and what their situation is, and why they may, or may not, be able to deal with it right now.

Just be appreciative that you and your kids can deal with it right now, and perhaps try to understand that your situation and your children's situation is not universal.

never said it did

I was merely replying to a poster who pretends that having a different opinion must come from a child-free poster.

I am well aware that it's hard work, but it's not fair to take it on the kids. They didn't ask to be here.

namechangetheworld · 30/01/2021 21:55

I still stand by saying that kids will be fine if parents do their jobs properly.

Agreed.

HamnetandJudith · 30/01/2021 21:56

@namechangetheworld

I still stand by saying that kids will be fine if parents do their jobs properly.

Agreed.

Thanks.
Mang0Mel0n · 30/01/2021 21:56

I have 3 kids. 1 is fine, 2 are not.

You can not make the entire population of children uniformly resilient. Life circumstances, differing personalities, experiences and physical and environmental make up make that an impossibility.

Aside from that being resilient doesn’t guarantee anything. Both of my dc who are really struggling are normally v resilient. Now you’d say they are not but actually previously they really were.

rawalpindithelabrador · 30/01/2021 21:57

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

I have 4 kids. I still stand by saying that kids will be fine if parents do their jobs properly.

It's shit, but no need to make it even worst and damage your kids because some parent feel like being a drama queen.

It's a real privilege to live in such a sheltered world that you cling to such a narrow-minded view. No amount of parenting will cure some peoples' children of their special needs or mental conditions.
HamnetandJudith · 30/01/2021 21:58

Is disability a thing then? Or did parents cause that as well? My dd won’t go in as a key worker child before anyone suggests that. She is frightened of school when her friends aren’t there. It’s been hell, but good to know that people out there see my dd’s MH issues as my fault. Good that CAMHS didn’t feel the same and supported me.

mbosnz · 30/01/2021 21:58

It's not fair to take it on the kids? Agreed. However, whether we like it or not, parents are human too, with more or less resources. Some are more able to 'step up to the plate', than others. Some have far more to deal with in their lives, than others. The parents didn't actually ask to be here either. . .

Mang0Mel0n · 30/01/2021 21:58

And do tell how me doing my job properly would have made the 2 out of my 3 fine?

What should I have done?

Larsingsong · 30/01/2021 22:00

@iknowwhatudidlastsummer

I'll take my hat off to any parent doing their job properly during this pandemic. In fact I'd probably think they were either very privileged in one way or another or very lucky.

I'm coping fine, but I'm not doing a proper job by a long shot. I'm spinning plates trying to keep a roof over their heads, food on the table, some education, a house which isn't a cesspit and looking out for shielding family members.

Silenceisgolden20 · 30/01/2021 22:00

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

I have 4 kids. I still stand by saying that kids will be fine if parents do their jobs properly.

It's shit, but no need to make it even worst and damage your kids because some parent feel like being a drama queen.

Total and utter bollocks.

Shaming parents. Perfect.

Run21 · 30/01/2021 22:01

I think its fine for kids in happy homes. But even then, any kid I know from 5 yrs old has expressed some kind of frustration. And its a frustration not even the best of parents can do anything about.

Littleposh · 30/01/2021 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

user47000000000 · 30/01/2021 22:01

No doubt there are people with MH problems... genuine ones...

Otherwise, suck it up, realise the world doesn’t revolve around you, if you’re a parent then teach your child resilience and gratitude.

The “MH” epidemic could be sorted to some degree if people stopped all being so entitled and thinking the world revolves around them.

Excluding genuine abuse etc in homes

mbosnz · 30/01/2021 22:01

[quote Larsingsong]@iknowwhatudidlastsummer

I'll take my hat off to any parent doing their job properly during this pandemic. In fact I'd probably think they were either very privileged in one way or another or very lucky.

I'm coping fine, but I'm not doing a proper job by a long shot. I'm spinning plates trying to keep a roof over their heads, food on the table, some education, a house which isn't a cesspit and looking out for shielding family members.[/quote]
Mate, you're doing a reet proper job. And I'll fight anybody says otherwise.

You're incredible.

HamnetandJudith · 30/01/2021 22:03

I have a dd who will achieve 7-9 in all GCSEs and is incredibly mature and resilient. Ds is gifted in Maths and coping well.
My other dd is not. I’ve done nothing differently. It’s only now she’s 15 that the professionals working with her have said she has autistic traits and have suggested we have her assessed. It now all makes sense. I will do everything possible to care for her. I am doing all that’s in my power. This thread is not helpful. It really really isn’t. It’s bloody hard being a parent when your children aren’t ‘perfect’ and are struggling, but that’s when they need you the most. I don’t need your judgement.

user47000000000 · 30/01/2021 22:03

littleposh so sorry for your situation. Clearly your child has significant MH challenges. I hope they get the support they need x

SpilltheTea · 30/01/2021 22:03

It depends on individual circumstances. My teen siblings are thriving with homeschooling and usually prefer to communicate with friends via consoles anyway. Kids are more resilient than people give them credit for.

Swipe left for the next trending thread