Do you ever shouty argue with you partner

[AgntOso]

We argue but sometimes like this morning we have raised voices. Not throwing things, not violent, not vile or degrading, not full on top of our voices but loud with each other. Lockdown stress arguing over housework and childcare. I realised that the neighbours probably heard and felt embarrassed. Do other people argue? My gut says everyone must at some stage but behind closed doors, like us. Is this right or are we turning into the Clampets?
Yanbu- yes it's normal, couples raise their voices every now and then
Yabu- it's not healthy/ normal
I'm hoping for a hand hold tbh in that it's normal.

I never have. Things have never escalated that far.

Don’t worry about what others think - how do you feel? Is it upsetting and distressing to you? Or do you still feel the relationship is safe and respectful? That’s what really matters.

We don’t, but equally I don’t think our failure to argue is particularly healthy. Resentments breed rather than being aired.

Yes, the relationship is respectful and definitely safe,we were both venting a little. Dh has a hearing impairment so speaks loudly and needs speaking loudly too sometimes so we talk at a higher volume anyway just this was higher and we were disagreeing/ arguing.

I'm not upset so much about arguing, I dont like that it to got that to get dh to do more during lockdown and realise that he needs to do more.

Crikey, how do you not argue at all ever?

Sorry that was aimed at Katy. I hadn't seen the second comment. X

God, we've had our fair share.

I think it's normal, personally. I find it more hard to believe a couple, who have been together for a long time, have never once even so much as raised their voice. But that's just me.

@GingerAndTheBiscuits thank you yes, I see that.

Now it's out there we're fine, dh is dressing our youngest and I'm emailing a prospective school / on mumsnet.

We have our disagreements every now and again (not very often) but we never shout at each other or let it get really heated. However we have both worked hard over the years to ensure we communicate the best we can after we hit a rougher patch a few years back. It worked for us.

@AllMyPrettyOnes thank you, we've been together 20 years. I must admit as we've got older/ grown up we do it less but we do raise our voices sometimes. Not often though.

We do. Life is tough and sometimes those that are closest to us bear the brunt of it. As long as things don't get disrespectful or violent and you are able to quickly move past the stage of being frustrated then I think everything is normal. Well, in my eyes anyway!

Personally, no, not with DH or any past boyfriends. If it got to that level I would b every upset. We argue sometimes but don’t shout, neither of us are that kind of person - I am not sure I have ever shouted at anyone apart from the kids occasionally!

It's very common. (As in lots do, I realise I could have been misunderstood 😁)

I used to be quite short tempered and shouty when I was young. As I got older I just couldnt be arsed with that shit and now i just talk calmly about an issue. I don't know whether that's maturity or just stopping caring. 😁

Never raised our voices once, together nine years.

No. In nearly 40 years of marriage we have never once had a full scale row, ever.

We occasionally bicker, but we have never reached the point of shouting at each other. DH can be grumpy at times but he isn't quick to temper and neither am I.

I think it often depends on your personality type.

We've been together nearly 20 years and have done the shouty arguments 3 times. All were periods of major stress, sleep deprivation and failure to communicate properly for months beforehand due to not wanting to upset the other/add to stress. All were resolved within a day of the argument with no detriment to our relationship. It's not the healthiest way to resolve a disagreement and we don't do it often but I think sometimes emotion gets in the way of sense. Make your peace with what happened and with each other and move on

I think it often depends on your personality type.

True. I come from a very shouty slightly rough family, DH comes from the opposite. I'm definitely more likely to raise my voice in a row.

Heated discussions or arguments from time to time are healthy in a happy relationship in my opinion.

We do, have been married for 30 odd years. Have from the beginning and no doubt will Briony the end. We are a loud shouty bunch, loud and shouty when happy, sad, excited, mad. Half of our kids are like us and the other half are subdued in that they are not loud and shouty when any of those things. It will be interesting when they all get long-term partners at some point, as in will like attract like or not as I don’t think shorter term boyfriend/girlfriends gives a good indication.

@GingerAndTheBiscuits

We don’t, but equally I don’t think our failure to argue is particularly healthy. Resentments breed rather than being aired.

Exactly the same in my household.

We never argue so things just get left. It can be frustrating.

I wouldn't bat an eyelid if I heard my neighbours arguing though, unless it was frequently.

I would find being in a loud, shouty household so stressful. So would DD and DH.

We have raised voice rows. Had lots in the early days of our marriage. Time, maturity and therapy have helped us communicate better.
I’m very quick to temper (I work on this) and come from a shouty argument family. I think this experience led me to believe this is how arguments ‘should’ be. I’m learning there is another way to have discussions, it’s a slow journey for me though.
Our neighbours have heard it all 😳. They don’t seem to judge us though 😁

My DM was very shouty when we were young (quite possibly with good reason) and it’s made me very anti shouting BUT yes, of course we do very occasionally raise our voices. I’m conscious that we argue more after a few glasses of wine which is a good reason for us reducing by a lot.

Don’t worry about your neighbours. Unless you were breaking furniture and issuing death threats I imagine they just thought Lockdown.

We are quite a loud family generally though. Usual kids noise, DD is like me, quick to temper and low frustration tolerance.
We’re all trying to work on it together to make life generally less stressful.
Judgement really doesn’t help with this, self or from others.
We’ve all had different experiences of how we should behave and we all have a different biological make up.

Very rarely. I think I can only remember about twice in our relationship where we've shouted at each other in an aggressive way. Both times I think we also both told each other to get fucked which again is unusual 😖.

We have disagreements now and again bit rarely a raised voice. We've been together over fifteen years.

@GingerAndTheBiscuits

We don’t, but equally I don’t think our failure to argue is particularly healthy. Resentments breed rather than being aired.

Same here. First 15 years of our relationship we didn't argue once. Given where we are now I don't think it was healthy. Post kids our communication style led to lots of anger and resentment and DH losing it in a scary way.