Do you ever shouty argue with you partner

[AgntOso]

We argue but sometimes like this morning we have raised voices. Not throwing things, not violent, not vile or degrading, not full on top of our voices but loud with each other. Lockdown stress arguing over housework and childcare. I realised that the neighbours probably heard and felt embarrassed. Do other people argue? My gut says everyone must at some stage but behind closed doors, like us. Is this right or are we turning into the Clampets?
Yanbu- yes it's normal, couples raise their voices every now and then
Yabu- it's not healthy/ normal
I'm hoping for a hand hold tbh in that it's normal.

We raise voices sometimes, but no name calling or being aggressive. I'm definitely more hot headed than he is. He is very gentle, just stubborn sometimes, and I get flashes of being angry and then am over it five minutes later. Our "conflict styles" are very different, but we have been together for five years and barely argue at this point.
To be honest, we are both pretty stubborn actually, and if we do argue it's over something totally stupid because we're both stressed!

Arguing I think is pretty normal, but it's a) what you're arguing about and b) the way you behave in the argument that matters.

Never.
Although quiet, we are also very sociable, but we both avoid shouty people like the plague.
Because of our pasts we're more sensitive to raised voices.
If upset we tend to go away and lick our wounds then return to discuss later.

No, and never have.
My parents used to and I absolutely hated it - it was a source of miserable anxiety to me as a child and I vowed never to inflict it on my own dcs.

I know I’m lucky that there’s hardly ever been occasion to though. In any case, you can disagree and argue without shouting.

I try not to. Very rarely do we have a full on shouting match. I think maybe 3 times in 10 years. I hate shouting matches. It makes me feel like I have properly lost it and reminds of the years I was in a horrifically abusive relationship

I think that its somewhat normal? Not necessarily shouting g at eachothef aggressively but a somewhat raised voice.

I'm beyond exasperated that my husband doesn't clean things that he drags between home and work then instead of putting them in the office, traipses them to the living room, then slings it around the room

And isn't dealing with paperwork which is really quite important. Fucking mans driving me mental.

We argue rarely but never shout. I think it would take a lot to make me shout at someone, it feels unnecessary, but maybe that's down to my personality? Also influenced by my parents who would have massive shouting matches from time to time - to the point that it's my most lasting memory of my childhood, it really affected me.

Sometimes I get really peed off and raise my voice but he is so calm that he never raises his. I dont think we have ever had a full on shouty argument.

Not so much anymore, I’ve chilled out but I’d definitely be the one to raise my voice, in the past not DH. I used to find it very frustrating that DH never shouted back but our arguments now are so short lived and way less loud. We always come back together to discuss the issues together and apologise. DH definitely grounds me and I love that.

Every few months we have a shouty argument.

I’ve heard our neighbours have the occasional shouty argument too and they’re a very dignified retired couple.

I think sometimes you need to vent. Bottling up anger and frustration leads to resentment and coldness over time, creates distance between you.

More raised voices hear then shouting. I know that could be classed at the same but I'm thinking of it as I shouted at my ex, I havent shouted at current partner like that. More a raised 'oh shut up'. My partners so placid I'd be shouting at myself he hasn't shouted at me in 5 years.

I think a little bit occasionally is probably ok.

Exh and I used to argue a lot which was a big reason why I left him. I did make a lot of effort not to argue once we had kids, but felt I didn’t get the reciprocal effort.

My parents did and still do argue a lot and that didn’t help me to realise constant shouted arguments aren’t normal.

We have had our fair share of arguments. Our philosophy is it is better to air your views rather than letting things fester. All flash in the pan, stupid stuff, (like who moved the dogs water dish, causing someone to trip over it) and all over in minutes.

Yes we occasionally do have snipey, shouty arguments. Nearly always have good sex afterwards. It's kind of fucked up right!

You shout for 20 minutes then slink of to opposite sides of the house for 10 more to sulk and simmer, then whomever was really in the wrong gingerly shuffles in and asks "so...do you want a big mac?"

This is us completely.

Our arguments always (not that we have that many) follow the same pattern really.

Few heated words, followed by some arguing/raised voices, the occasional shout, I will then storm off to the bedroom and in about 10-15 mins he'll come in usually with the offer of food or a cuddle and we'll be fine and then talk about it rationally and calmly!

Absolutely. We've been married 35 years so it's clearly not the kiss of death. We're just argumentative souls and neither of us are ever wrong 🤣

Rarely. That's not to say I think it's a bad thing necessarily. Obviously we would all love to be emotionally aware adults who are able to debate every point constructively, but most people aren't that perfect.

We fail massively as a couple in terms of communicating well, I'm surprised we have made it this far. We tend to sulk and simmer rather than argue things out, which is crap. I don't think my DH has the faintest clue how I'm really feeling most of the time, and if I try to tell him I tend to get over emotional very quickly and end up a snivelling wreck. He brushes things under the carpet and I think assumes that as we aren't arguing, things are okay (when they're not, at least in my head)