To ask for the worst CV's you've ever seen?!

[Isitgiroday]

About to pimp my CV prior to a career change after almost a decade in the same industry - looking for tips and hints of what to avoid!

On the flip side can I just say how uninspiring and full of jargon most job descriptions are these days.

A tip from me, replicate the language they use in the job advert and description. If they are using automatic sifting, it looks for key words in your CV and you have a better chance of getting your CV in front of a human's eyes that way.

DH once had a CV for a HGV driver and his email address was something like
[email protected]

Make sure you have a 'proper' email address. I've seen applications which used the address that the applicant set up as a teenager
"fairyprincess123@..."

If they ask you to send the CV in regular mail, don't use you present jobs stamping machine (is that the correct name?). No reason to tell the company, you are applying to that you are stealing from your present employer. If you use email set up a new email for job hunting. Due to GPRD the recruitment companies are no longer allowed to sell your info, buuut...

Funniest Cover Letters I saw: We were looking for a new accountant. One applicant wrote a lot about her many cats and then mentioned casually at the end that she had no relevant education or experience, but she was sure she'd pick it up fast. Another also had neither relevant education nor experience, but he was a former officer in the army and would soon kick our accounts into shape. We figured he wouldn't get along well with our scientists. We also worried he thought he could shout at the computers until they gave him the results he wanted.

Lack of proofreading

No attention paid to how it looks- I don't need some super brilliant, professionally formatted wonder CV, but make it look neat at least

Very strange email addresses

A very long and detailed list of hobbies and interests

Including achievements like the certificate you got for swimming aged 6

Describing time spent undertaking caring commitments as if it were a job, in flowery terms such as "CEO of the house" and talking about how parenting your children means you have excellent conflict management skills, are a finance whizz and can manage diaries. Time spent on caring commitments is worthy of respect in itself and you don't need to make a fool of yourself making out being a SAHP is equivalent to running a company

A personal statement that says how wonderful you are which is not in any way backed up by any of the experience, skills, qualifications etc you list below

Not demonstrating you meet the minimum requirements for the job- and for us that will be a specific qualification, you could be the most amazing person in the universe but we cannot employ you as a XX if you do not have the qualification that makes you a XX

@TheWashingMachine

On the flip side can I just say how uninspiring and full of jargon most job descriptions are these days.

100% Agree.

My other half runs a business and he hates it when he gets cvs from sahms who try and apply what they've done in the house to the world of work. I think he's being W bit harsh as clearly they don't have anything more recent to add but he says it's contrived.

A friend of mine knocked up a joke CV for his girlfriend intending her to use the layout as a template.
She didnt look at it closely and handed it in. It listed her accomplishments as: "invented jam" and "shot a man in Reno just to watch him die"

I temped in HR at a hotel years ago and my job was sorting CVs. Photos were pretty common but many staff/applicants were from other countries so fair enough. However, one British guy sent a CV where the entire background of A4 was a picture of him with the text over the top, a picture of him with no top off showing off the results of his bodybuilding hobby!

This thing about avoiding gaps in CVs... don't go overboard. If you spent five years doing relatively minor jobs that are not directly relevant to the job you are applying for do not spend more than a short paragraph covering them. If you spend half a page outlining three Saturday shop jobs and evening bar work when applying for an office position and then later claim to be "good at prioritizing" or "clear and concise writing" as a skill all you will achieve is a muttered curse as your application slides into the Round File.

Avoid sticking rigidly to a "CV template" you've found online (or worse, the really shit one the Job Centre used to hand out). Unless the application insists on a specific format you should structure it so that your strongest attributes relative to the job you're applying for come first. This might mean putting Experience before Qualifications or vice versa, it depends on the job and how you fit into it best.

This usually upsets people, but after easily rejecting 100+ applications H have in the past narrowed down the final few using the following reasons:

• Comic sans. No CV should ever be written in comic sans. Likewise fancy coloured paper/stationary screams of desperation.

• Interests aren't interesting enough. If I'm recruiting a new member of a team or shift that will be working together with other people I pay more attention to the Interests section than you might think. If you're going to put "reading" or "cinema" give a couple of books/films you've seen recently and enjoyed (and be prepared for a question or two on them if you make it to interview). If you out "travelling", say where you've been, etc.

no top on* that should say

@tillyandmilly

Help anyone - got 7 rejections so far jobs - admin/clerical in NHS - getting disheartened! 4 interviews - no success - is it my age I am 52 female with no previous medical experience but over 3o years secretarial/admin for private firms ie Solicitors/Accountants - but want to work within NHS - help!

we dont see your age on your application (though obviously qualifications etc do give it away a bit) my best advice to have the person spec in front of you and address every last bullet point and how you meet it. even if its "able to answer the phone" and you think well yes obviously i do that, write it down. Answer it all really fully addressing every point they want and how you meet it.

She didnt look at it closely and handed it in. It listed her accomplishments as: "invented jam" and "shot a man in Reno just to watch him die"

I once received a CV from a 21 year old who had included all his school reports going back to when he was at kindergarten. Don't do that, it was wierd 🤪 I also second the no photo. It's not necessary and is inappropriate on CVs in the UK, I generally wouldn't interview anyone who includes one. Especially those that seem to think a 'glamour' shot is the way to go (I kid you not)

I’m a recruiter.. no age, photo, graphics, colour, funky fonts.. unless your going into arts/ graphics industry. also keep you full address and personal details off.. just location, email and phone. Good luck

I once filled my name in incorrectly! As I remember, I was filling it in and the phone rang, when I went back to it I repeated my surname instead of my Christian name, so it read Grueber Grueber. All the rest of it I reread, pre computers, but it never occured to me to check I'd got my name right!
I got the job though.

This is great stuff, so glad this thread was started!

Apologies OP, can I just ask something? I’m considering a complete change of career direction (different sector, leaving my current profession). Do I have to explain very briefly as to why in my CV? Or should it wait until the interview?

Comic sans. No CV should ever be written in comic sans. Likewise fancy coloured paper/stationary screams of desperation.

Allow me to correct this.
Nothing should ever be written in comic sans😂

I once had an email with their CV attached however it was a actually an Amazon receipt for an Oasis album.

@unlimiteddilutingjuice

A friend of mine knocked up a joke CV for his girlfriend intending her to use the layout as a template. She didnt look at it closely and handed it in. It listed her accomplishments as: "invented jam" and "shot a man in Reno just to watch him die"

Reminds me of a tutor I had who we were convinced never read our work, just graded it according to how he felt that day. We would regularly include some gibberish and he never commented.

"It's interesting that advice basically everywhere bar MN is to include them if they are somewhere interesting and can show some skill."

I've encountered different opinions on this in real life as well. A friend in IT thinks a list of what you can do in IT is the only relevant thing, but I work in admin and there are thousands of people who can do what I do, so personality does come into it and my 'other activities' show skills I may not get to use at work.

@LiquoriceLilly

Check the basics every time! I've seen so many cover letters that explain how excited they are to be applying for a role at [completely different company name]. Bonus points if they describe themselves as "detail-focussed" in the same letter!

Yes, I was just coming on to say this! I've sat on a few teacher employment panels (in Australia) and one of the biggest "crimes" is to use the wrong school's name on your application/CV! It's an instant binning offence.

If it's just a CV not an application then:
Don't lie. I once wrote on my CV that I enjoyed playing the 'cello and reading. Was asked at interview what my favourite piece currently was, and what I was reading at the moment. Luckily I had NOT lied so was able to answer!

Make sure you have asked your referees to be your referee.

Keep it short and succinct, with all spelling checked.

@BlueSussex

Don't use a "comical" email address.

I don't care if you are married or how old you are. No photos. I don't care about your hobbies or that your proudest acheivement is doing Couch to 5k.

Check anything incriminating or embarrassing on your Social Media. I will be.

My daughter's friend couldn't think what hobbies to put on her UCAS form so she put pigeon breeding, unfortunately she was interviewed by a foremost authority on pigeon breeding.

What happens of an applicant isn't on social media? I have known people to be rejected becasue they couldn't give social media details, they didn't have any.

I used to work in a jobcentre. I didnt have a lot of time to read the detail in someone's CV but would regularly tell people to
Shorten their CV
Use a plain font
Use Black ink on white paper
Check their spellings
Ditch the photo

Most of them had been to outside orgsnisations to get their CV written. They were the worst.