To ask for the worst CV's you've ever seen?!

[Isitgiroday]

About to pimp my CV prior to a career change after almost a decade in the same industry - looking for tips and hints of what to avoid!

Use email

CVs sent by post are not cute. Unless they are exceptional, most places will just bin them because it's too much faff when we have enough by emails.

Never had one on toilet paper yet 😂

Well, you certainly don't put an apostrophe in CVs, for a start

@Chanjer

Someone applying for a job with us described themselves as polite and hostile

I'd give them an interview! 😂

Handwritten (badly) on a lined piece of paper that has clearly been ripped out of a notebook.

Other one was for a communications rooe and the CV was 8 pages long. Should never be over 2 sides of A4 for any role.

I had no idea anyone over 15 would put eating out and socialising into hobbies

I think it's really subjective. As I said, my hobbies were always asked about and even talked about a bit. I will, therefore, always keep them on. It's couple of sentences or so at the end of the cv. I wouldn't put a big paragraph about them. It's interesting that advice basically everywhere bar MN is to include them if they are somewhere interesting and can show some skill.

I always like to see the so what part of experience. So if someone puts I learnt x skill or have x skill, I then like to see a follow up sentence that states it allowed x to happen / be delivered.

Disagree with the no photos, we had a CV where the first page was a full colour A4 photo of the candidate in a graduation pose. 👨‍🎓

If you don't have a graduation photo, maybe a photo of receiving a school award, sports day medal? 🥉

( 🤣 they didn't get an interview for many reasons)

I quite like hobbies and interests personally

Some can even boost a cv massively.

Interest: Chinese (been studying for x years with xyz, got a XX diploma)

I recently proof-read a family member's cv for them. They had loads of relevant experience but kept saying "we did..." "we were responsible for..." instead of "I". I think he just isn't the type to blow his own trumpet but he did change it all and got an interview!

I had an applicant state he didn’t want the job but the Job Centre said he had to apply. Right.......next!
One applicant sent a perfectly respectable CV, called him for an interview. He walked in, slammed a huge A4 lever file on the table labelled ‘All the F@#*ing Jobs I’ve Applied For’ 😳
He then proceeded to tell me how he’d do MY job (I was CEO, the vacancy was a Carer Support Worker) and that he hadn’t told his wife he’d come for an interview (he lived 250 miles away!) but if he got it he’d move the whole family.
Needless to say we weren’t impressed!

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

I quite like hobbies and interests personally

Some can even boost a cv massively.

Interest: Chinese (been studying for x years with xyz, got a XX diploma)

I would not put that in interest but properly at the top into skills

I swear 99.9% of cvs have the following hobbies and interests

Tennis, cinema, socialising with family and friends

I had an applicant state he didn’t want the job but the Job Centre said he had to apply.

His name wasn't 'Spud', by any chance?

One applicant sent a perfectly respectable CV, called him for an interview. He walked in, slammed a huge A4 lever file on the table labelled ‘All the F@#ing Jobs I’ve Applied For’* 😳
He then proceeded to tell me how he’d do MY job (I was CEO, the vacancy was a Carer Support Worker) and that he hadn’t told his wife he’d come for an interview (he lived 250 miles away!) but if he got it he’d move the whole family.

Def sounds like Begbie.

The best tip I was ever given for writing my CV is:

Always remember that the first person that reads your CV does NOT want to give you the job

And it's true. The purpose of your CV is not to get you the job, it's to get on onto the shortlist for interview. The person that draws up the shortlist has a stack of 200 CVs on their desk and wants to get it down to no more than 10 as fast as possible.

They want to find reason to reject 150 CVs before the kettle boils. They want to reject the next 40 before their coffee cools and they start their normal tasks for the day.

The first round of rejections is the easiest - there will be at least fifty generic CVs that show no effort to meet the requirements in the job advert, there will be at least 25 applying for a different job to the one advertised. The last few rejections get harder and can be for all sorts of spurious reasons.

Make sure your CV matches the job specification your applying for exactly. Make it easy for the person reading it to see how you meet the requirements listed in the advert.

If you're sending in the same "standard" CV to multiple vacancies, you might as well not bother.

It does depend on the job. If attention to detail and good literacy is required, then obviously the CV should be immaculate. If it's something design orientated, then something creative might be more suitable than if you're an accountant.

Things to generally avoid are very long CVs, gaps in career without explanation, explanation if you live in the Highlands and the job advertised is in London. Also, pay attention to what they actually want, so if they say CV and covering letter do that. The amount of calls I get asking how they apply when it's very clearly explained in the advert.

What A LOT of job hunters fail to realise is the interviewer is not usually interested in how the job fits you, but how you fit them. The latter is very important to you and can be explored at interview if you get that far.

This is niche, but I used to read CVs for postgrads coming from the US into the UK system. They'd usually gone to very devout Christian universities, so where other people would write 'I got a first in my undergraduate degree and received a special commendation for my dissertation on Blah Blah' they'd write things like 'My strong Christian ethics motivate me to be an excellent citizen and loyal member of the community. I have experience running the Christian women's self-improvement bookclub and raised money for our annual silver ring thing pledge ball'. It was weird.

But the general lesson is to think about your audience and work out what's important to them, I guess.

That's good advice doginatent. I did a recruitment round once where we'd asked for a handwritten letter and a type-written CV. Any application which failed that simple test was binned without reading. We must have shed a good 33%

I got thoroughly fed up with multiple applications from Job Centre candidates who used us for practice at writing applications. Very time-consuming when we often had 60+ applications for a single post. I know they need practice but give a thought for those shortlisting please 😊

Some time ago a CV landed on my desk and the applicant had included a reason why she had left each of her previous jobs. I've absolutely no idea why, it was a CV, not an application form that asked for that info.

The explanations were along the line of - 'didn't get on with the team', 'didn't like my boss', 'everyone was picking on me' and my favourite - 'I like to tell it how it is and they didn't like it'.

Someone applying to work in DH's tattoo studio listed his nativity roles on his CV. His LinkedIn also listed the 'short novels' he wrote between the ages of 7 and 9, as well as his work experience that consisted of the jobs he did during lunchtime at Primary school- sharpening pencils and stapling worksheets hardly prepares someone to tattoo and pierce!

Retired now but was an administrator in various finance sectors.
I became aware that many recruiters used parsing software and tried to adapt my CV accordingly.
I did get some strange emails-eg are you interested in a job in cyber security. This was probably due to the hoops required in the industry.
Also we’re you interested in becoming an IFA.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Or even worse, great CV, fantastic interview, turns out to be the biggest twat in christendom who attended work for 4 weeks in 4 months then left saying it was too stressful for him. Would love to elaborate but too outing

You mean the prime minister?

Explain career breaks eg raising family (no more information required) travelling overseas (don't list where, 2 words is fine) or yes unemployed (handy at this point U.K. say truthfully that you volunteered at the charity shop or walked dogs for older/disabled people than nothing)

I had an application from a physiotherapist which basically had his quail lidocaine etc and then his mobile phone number and suggested I phone him if I wanted to find out any more about him!!

Love the note from mum :)
We used the standard NHS application form which ends 'use this space to tell us why you want the job and why you're suitable'. Someone explained they wanted the job as they wanted to spend lots of time with their husband. Presumably suggesting she saw the job as a nice 9-5.