To ask for the worst CV's you've ever seen?!

[Isitgiroday]

About to pimp my CV prior to a career change after almost a decade in the same industry - looking for tips and hints of what to avoid!

My DP deals with a lot of recruitment. I came across some of the CV’s for roles with a starting salary of 55k. Misspelling, bad grammar. Said he didn’t care and was interested in soft skills. I was so shocked. What’s the industry OP?

"On top of that, they create issues when we are not meant to allow factors such as age or ethnicity to influence our decisions."

Age is clear anyway isn't it? You just look what year they did their A-levels and presume they were around 18 then.

It never helps to describe your most recent employers as arseholes. Even if they were.

*'Here you go, hope this helps. Remember to tailor it slightly for different roles and don't forget me and your dad can always proofread if needed. And don't forget to take this bit out!! Love you, Mum xxx'

Not ideal!*

Awww Bless!

This is a bit specific but I work in a (low paid!) sector that for many is considered "the dream". We gets lots of applications from grads, wannabe career changers and desk daydreamers.

Research the industry. Research the job. Dont assume low pay equals entry level as varies widely in different sectors. Also dont assume a job will be easy or fun because the pay is crap. Dont try to gloss over a complete lack of relevant experience with "passion" and "always been my dream" - I dont care. And dont try to pass off reading a few books as having a "wealth of knowledge".

Worst ever was from someone who had spent the past decade doing not a lot and now wanted to settle down in a "nice easygoing role that wont be too stressful". Put his mum as a one reference and for the second wrote "I need a job to get a reference".

Excessive use of highly subjective corporate bullshit like "Self-motivated", "team-player", "able to work with minimal supervision" etc and ffs do not every proclaim yourself to be a "thought leader".
@TooTrueToBeGood
Can I come and work for you if that shit is banned where you work?
Sadly it's endemic in every workplace I've been in for years - a lot of it in job ads.

It's always good to check what a standard CV looks like in the country you're applying in. It can be very confusing especially for those who move countries frequently.

I moved to the UK and it took me a while to get that photos should not be included on a CV. Normal (and compulsory I'd say) in the previous country I lived in.

When I moved to Germany I was shocked to realise I needed to include photo, date of birth, current address and marital status. Why do they need to know my marital status still baffles me. They also recommend adding a section on your interests.

I'm not a recruiter so I don't have any funny stories, but I did once ask to see a friend's CV (from a specific country so I wanted to confirm I had all the relevant info), and discovered he had listed the two nurseries he went to between the ages of 2 and 5 under 'academic background'.

Don't use a "comical" email address.

I don't care if you are married or how old you are. No photos. I don't care about your hobbies or that your proudest acheivement is doing Couch to 5k.

Check anything incriminating or embarrassing on your Social Media. I will be.

@Gwenhwyfar

"On top of that, they create issues when we are not meant to allow factors such as age or ethnicity to influence our decisions."

Age is clear anyway isn't it? You just look what year they did their A-levels and presume they were around 18 then.

Not necessarily. First off, why do you think you should even mention what year you got your A levels? Secondly, if you are applying for a role that requires a certain level of experience, or if you have a degree, I don't care what A levels you got at school so don't waste your precious two pages listing them.

Dont try to gloss over a complete lack of relevant experience with "passion

so true

If you have genuine "passion" you could fill 2 pages of indirect experience, charity work or hobbies relating to that passion, even if it's not directly relevant with your actual work experience. Nothing shameful on having a job to pay the bills.
If you have nothing to say, you don't have passion.

@Iknowwhatudidlastsummer

First of all, recruiters are mainly modern folks. Resources don't read your email from top to bottom, they use softwares to scroll through the hundreds we get.

think KEY WORDS to ensure your CV is picked up!

Then be consistent, justify WHY you should be considered for the job, not by rambling on for 10 pages, but with a couple of concise sentences in your job history showing you can actually DO the job you are applying for.

I was told a few years ago that you watermark your CV in white font the key words precisely for this reason.

problem comes when recruiters know that trick and 'select all' and change the font colours (which also happens)!!!!!!

@Fandangoes

make sure your email address is something suitable to put on a cv! You would not believe some of the email address I have seen printed on CVs

Oh yeah, we had some when recruiting for nurses, some were like hotgrlzdo69 or the ones that went the other way, ilovejesus .

@GoOutsideAndPlay yes, if that question had been asked then I suppose. But it was more like what would make you a good mental health nurse?

I don't care what A levels you got at school so don't waste your precious two pages listing them.

you might not, but many employers still are.
More and more focus is going into your educational background. I very strongly disagree with that in general, but it's happening.

Don't say your wife has asked you to work on your multitasking skills and this job might help you achieve that objective.

GoOutsideAndPlay
problem comes when recruiters know that trick and 'select all' and change the font colours (which also happens)!!!!!!

to be fair, once your CV is picked up, your CV will be read properly, usually by at least a couple of people. I wouldn't send a CV blindly to a client, and I'd interview you myself first anyway.

So there's only so much useful bullshit you can add!

Plus we do have to reformat CVs a bit anyway, if only to delete your details and add our contact details on them.

yes i came on to say about e-mail addresses.

I saw a cv once for someone wanting to work in a carer for vulnerab,e older people role and their address was something along the lines of NightRapist'.

Truly.

[quote equuscaballus]@Sparklesocks

The jobcentre used to tell people to do this, they said employers loved it![/quote]
Oh absolutely I think people who do it have been advised to career counsellors/recruitment staff. And chances are yes, there might be some managers/employers who think it's a clever way of presenting information - but I would say the majority will think it's a misstep and perhaps shows a lack of understanding about the hiring process.

Such a shame as I know how hard it is to break back into work after a break, and I know people will want to show how valuable and capable they are - so of course they follow advice from those people, why wouldn't they? It's their job to find people work.

I've also had candidates continuously email and call to follow up on their application because they've been told told persistence is valued and they'll stand out. Others have sent me/my colleagues flowers or biscuits in the post so they'll be remembered, others have tried to add me on linkedin and persistently tried to start a mini interview over messenger. It's all such bad advice and very frustrating that they're being so misled.

remember that chances are high that at least one of the people reading your CV will be a parent too.

So the bullshit about "CEO of the home" when they are doing exactly all of it AND holding a full-time job at the same time... is not going to help you much.

I had a year where every one has primary school education on it. These were people in their mate 20s and 30s applying too. Found it really bizarre.

Another is to make sure your time line makes sense. Recently had an applicant that who had been the manager but everything seemed off. I worked out he was the manager from age 9 and director from age 13.
(He was 21, enjoyed getting ‘drunk with m8s’ but after over 14 years in the job decided it was time to ‘turn it into his lifestyle’ ... whatever that means!)

Don't confuse your recruitment agency with a mate.

We judge you on the way you present yourself, and will assume you will be similar when meeting a client. If you turn up in jeans or lounge wear, with a baby in tow, eating a sausage roll.. you will never be sent for an interview!

If you turn up late, unprepared, we also assume you will be just as bad in front of our client. Your CVs goes straight in the bin.

A phone interview is a business interview. It can be a friendly chat, but it's still business. Please do not play with water and leave the interviewer wondering if you are making a brew or just flushed the loo

Get someone else to proof read it!

Years ago, my then teen brother proudly wrote his own CV and handed it out to many local stables.

It was only after he got home and showed us, that he'd included '2yrs of private hose riding lessons' on it!!!

CVs with apostrophes in the wrong place would really annoy me

Saw one..

Under hobbies and interests...love eating out eg. Pizza hut

Do not write it on the shiny toilet paper.

I kid you not.

Someone applying for a job with us described themselves as polite and hostile