To ask for the worst CV's you've ever seen?!

[Isitgiroday]

About to pimp my CV prior to a career change after almost a decade in the same industry - looking for tips and hints of what to avoid!

I seen a fair few. My Spg is not the best but it is an application letter.

I had one who wrote in other comments box ‘what a waste of time this box is. The amount of time I’ve spent filling in these boxes has wasted my weekend’ 🤷‍♀️Ok then.

Once had a very very disruptive pupils who spent half his life in detention on in internal exclusion and regularly reduced the staff to tears apply for a science technician post (failed science gcse) and put a well worded cv and cover letter in place including how he was punctual, a good team player, keen on science abs good at following instructions. This was 2 years on from leaving in year 11 and he was dire. One member of staff actually resigned as he would not leave her office alone and played knock knock type thing on it and running away for 3 years every break and lunch that he wasn’t in detention. He even had the nerve to phone and demand to speak to a member of slt as to why he an ex pupil hadn’t been interviewed. I explained the above and then his mother phoned me and shouted at me for not understand pupils can change. The school received multiple fake phone calls for the next 6 weeks wasting many people’s time - coincidence(?)! Maybe not.

@yvanka going to update with this - thanks! do recruiters prefer first or third person?

I had a CV once that listed why the person had left their previous jobs and all of them were things like ‘didn’t like co-workers’, ‘disagreement with boss’, ‘didn’t fit in with the team’!!!!

I saw one for working in an OPERATING theatre where the candidate had put in the 'experience of working in theatre' section their extensive experience of local amateur dramatics...

spell check spell check spell check. And then get someone to proof read it for you.

I knew someone who couldn't spell and who'd worked in a warehouse which spell check corrected to whorehouse.

I read an application for a comms post once. It began with "Hey, Ben here. Media savvy? Tick. Hard working? Tick. Style aware? Double tick. (It meant house style and formatting, not his Hawaiian shirt and sandals combo). Did we interviewed him purely for the laughs? Tick

*Interview

Please don't send your cv in pdf file. When we redact them, it is much easier if its a word file .
Agree with pp, no photographs.
Make sure you use the same terminology as the job advert and tweak it for each application to highlight relevant detail.
Also, I like interests and hobbies!

No spelling mistakes, particularly if a skill is your attention to detale....

I take it the above spelling mistake was deliberate...

Personally I don’t like a section on Interests - waste of time. I couldn’t care less what you like doing in your spare time, I just want to know if you can do the job.

Whilst I agree it shouldn't be on a CV, I would include interests in a covering letter. It's bullocks to suggest it's irrelevant. I work in a start up, and I want to know what hobbies/interests potential recruits have. In fact, I ask this question when interviewing. Not every employer wants a robot who can do the job.

I once read a CV from a young lady who was a micro-biologist that said she had been studying small orgasms. We declined the interview but did tell her about the typo.

keep it short and relevant.

If you are in your 50s and applying for a senior management role, I don't need to know about the summer jobs you did at Uni.

Under duties, someone who had worked at a golf club

“Dealing with drunk people waiting 2 b served”

I’ve never forgotten it, and it’s been over 10 years

Handwritten...in pencil..

15 pages long plus bibliography
Mostly references to obscure journal articles they had written in obscure journals
None of which had any relevance to the job applied for
For example financial management role job with minority interest articles on architecture and electronics

Goodness...
From what appears here, selectors are only interested in the most soulless, dreary mind-numbing applicants who probably accurately only mirror their own joyless, pettifogging selves.

@Daphnise

Goodness... From what appears here, selectors are only interested in the most soulless, dreary mind-numbing applicants who probably accurately only mirror their own joyless, pettifogging selves.

did you mean professionals very good at rejecting people like you?

One with incorrect apostrophes in it.
As in the thread title.

@Purplecatshopaholic

Seen a few (work in HR). Please no photos - they are the biggest cringe and general joke (seem big in some other counties though, so appear on my desk pretty regularly). Unless asked for - some industries do ask for them. No spelling mistakes, particularly if a skill is your attention to detale.... Not fancy fonts, or coloured text. Personally I don’t like a section on Interests - waste of time. I couldn’t care less what you like doing in your spare time, I just want to know if you can do the job.

The devil is in the details

Snugglysnerd: "Yes this is my thought too. I think dh just thought employers would take it for granted applicants could drive."

Recruitment for jobs that are mainly driving can be plagued by self-styled expert drivers with 10 points on their licence.

Even if you can insure them, they'll crash your van!

I've had some great ones recently. One of my favourites said 'I passed my driving test in 5 months, which is pretty quick if you ask me'.

I recently received a CV where they'd used hashtags e.g. #happysoul #readytowork

Straight in the bin.

Check your on-line profiles - a bad one will destroy a good CV.
Email address - what impression does it make?
Two pages long.
Personal profile - does it hit the nail on the head and not waffle on about how wonderful you are?
Remember you are ensuring the employer is clear about your value to them and why you are worth the money - don't list your daily chores!
Give a feel for the scale of your role - did you manage the post collection or a department of 50?

Many believe that the name of the company helps identify the occupational area it operates in, give some clues as to what arena you worked in. Some companies no longer exist to check up on.
Don't say you have a keen eye for detail and accuracy and then fail to fix the typos in your CV.
Get someone to read the CV and see if it sells you to them. If they can't figure out what you do, no one will be able to.

I had an absolutely mad pal who interviewed for a role on the phone after several years doing not much. All was going well until the interviewer asked him what the trickling noise and splashing was in the background.

His response was that just topping up the water in the bath to keep it warm and subsequent confirmation that yes he has been sitting in the bath during the interview because it helped him relax did not get him the job.

@Daphnise this is the cv stage. i get hundreds of cvs for every job. even for niche ones i get at least 40-50. at this point i’m trying to reduce the number of applicants to a manageable number who i’m reasonably sure can do the job. Interest in the person comes at the final interview stage.

We got a CV once that said "Wife, mother, sales assistant". Under the person's name.