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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for the worst CV's you've ever seen?!

620 replies

Isitgiroday · 29/01/2021 10:27

About to pimp my CV prior to a career change after almost a decade in the same industry - looking for tips and hints of what to avoid!

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 29/01/2021 16:35

@Triphazards

daisycgain01: "Let's stop stigmatising former offenders with stupid passive aggressive emoticons, shall we."

Yeah let's be missing for 15 years on the CV.

If you're a murderer, I'd like to know that before hiring you. It might not rule you out.

I'd really love to know if that was a genuine scenario.

Former offenders don't just get released and left to their own devices. They have a Probation officer and CV / job coaching.

Using a scenario of a "murderer" in such an ignorant indiscriminate way, is the problem in creating prejudice and stigma, because it's probably a 1 in a million situation, that probably didn't even happen in the first place.

ohnothisagain · 29/01/2021 16:37

Men are always putting importance of being a good father, husband and windsurfer (insert any expensive and kooky hobby) on their bios and I doubt people think that means they're unambitious!
I’ve never seen that! Hobbies, yes (and I tend to ignore that section), but never being a good dad or husband.

Triphazards · 29/01/2021 16:39

I suppose finding a better noun for one who has murdered is a subject for another thread.

I have found myself dealing with a person out on licence. Circumstances meant I was happy to do that.

Alicetheowl · 29/01/2021 16:40

I've done a fair bit of recruitment.

Generally no photos. However, when I used to work for a recruitment agency we did get candidates who worked in hospitality. At the upper end some experienced candidates did use photos, it seems to be done in that sector and I remember one very beautiful Eastern European woman who ended up as a receptionist at a top London hotel, not through me, sadly.The photo probably helped get her an interview. Not saying she only got the job on looks, she had a lot of experience too and could, if I remember, speak a few languages.

I quite like the interests section. Especially if it's volunteering, but also it does provide an icebreaker. But please don't put socialising or international cuisine/eating out/cooking. All that says is you'have friends and you like nice food. Really? Who'd have guessed?

I once went to an interview with a rather posh guy who had yachting pictures all over his wall. After a brief talk about my experience, he started talking about yachting. He was excited to learn that I had been captain of the female yachting club at university. I expressed surprise. My CV stated that this was the case, and that I enjoyed the films of Peter Greenaway. This was back in the day of faxed CVs. The agency had faxed over my CV with the wrong last page attached.

Having established that I did quite enjoy Peter Greenaway films, but would not be an asset at corporate yachting events, I never got the job!

Triphazards · 29/01/2021 16:41

If an applicant claimed to be a good husband and father, on a CV, I would assume him to be the opposite.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 29/01/2021 16:43

The worst cv is the europass. God how i hate the europass. It should be deleted from internet.

StarfishExpress · 29/01/2021 16:49

@ohnothisagain

Men are always putting importance of being a good father, husband and windsurfer (insert any expensive and kooky hobby) on their bios and I doubt people think that means they're unambitious! I’ve never seen that! Hobbies, yes (and I tend to ignore that section), but never being a good dad or husband.
I was responding to a post about LinkedIn (so not on the CV but in a LinkedIn bio)

Was sent a LinkedIn profile once, looked very promising until I got to the bit about her aspirations being a good wife, mum and DIL. Lovely, but totally not appropriate for convincing a recruitment team that you have ambition and drive.

StarfishExpress · 29/01/2021 16:49

Tried and failed to make the copied bit at the bottom bold, but the second paragraph is the original post Smile

InTheDrunkTank · 29/01/2021 16:51

Trying to pad it out with embarrasing fluff (volunteer work is fine and can be relevant, an award you got at school is not - people don't even list their GCSE and A-level results in my field). Explaining your achievements to me is not OK. If you got a degree from a top 10 global university it speaks for itself, you don't need to explain it was competitive at that university or that it demonstrates academic ability. I know. Transparant attempts to exagerate past experience. E.g. you did a bit of tutoring online and implying you were the CEO of a global educational consultancy.

Allergictoironing · 29/01/2021 16:51

Jobcentres can be the worst places for giving bad advice, especially if you are looking for something other than very common work like retail or manual. Apart from the "apply for X jobs each week or get sanctioned", they give very poor advice in general:

Always put down that the employer would be eligible for a payment if they take you on (as you've been unemployed for X amount of time). Er no, not if you are applying for any professional job.

Do your CV in whatever style is the current DSS template. most of which are really not fit for purpose.

The "CEO of the family" thing, always trotted out to returners who were SAH parents.

Always follow up with an email and a phone call. IME this royally pisses off most recruiters.

They don't seem to get that just because you have the word "planner" in your CV, you're not qualified for any role that has "planner" in the job title. Was once threatened with sanctions because as a project planner (scheduling work & resources) I didn't apply for a role as an electrical network planner (involving highly technical electronics training).

Certain types of jobs aren't usually advertised on generic job boards, but on specialist web sites e.g. IT. The Jobcentre computers would actually block access to any site they considered non "mainstream recruitment".

They once told me to put my age and marital status on my CV. I have also been advised to reword perfectly good sections because they thought the grammar was wrong - whereas their rewording was completely incorrect.

Hippee · 29/01/2021 16:51

I didn't shortlist a guy who put "Girls" down as an interest (in a front-facing education role).

Also, most people who put down "reading" as a reason they wanted to be a librarian went straight in the bin.

AlbaAlba · 29/01/2021 16:52

Once reviewed a CV for an entry position as a graphic designer that stated 'I want to learn from you and then in 2 years I will progress my career and go and get a job somewhere else...' Had to explain that recruitment and training is a risk for a company and they don't want to spend time and effort on someone who is going to leave as soon as they've sucked all the training they can.

Also recently saw an application that included being a (low-level) MLM 'exec' along side other roles, and given the type of role it was, that was a massive red flag and put in doubt whether the applicants would have the critical thinking and common sense required.

I do like interests as it's good to see how the person might fit into the team and can provide an ice-breaker for interview, when the applicant is nervous. I like people to have a spark, something they're interested in. But avoid anything that sounds like you just watch TV all the time. Reading is great (I do it a lot) but I'd never list in interests, possibly bookclub if I didn't have anything else to say. I'd probably only list baking and knitting if I entered shows or something.

(However, as an aside, recruiters need to be more careful not to only recruit people in their own likeness, as that impacts on equality, diversion and inclusion, and ultimately also adversely impacts team performance. If you're a sailing, skiing, shooting type, you may naturally feel an affinity for sailing, skiing, shooting applicants, and then bond better with them in interview, with the result that you're recruiting from an extremely narrow group - white, middle/upper middle class, probably privately educated. Try to recruit outside your comfort zone.)

gruffalosprickles · 29/01/2021 16:54

@Isitgiroday

About to pimp my CV prior to a career change after almost a decade in the same industry - looking for tips and hints of what to avoid!
One with apostrophes in the wrong place.
belinda789 · 29/01/2021 16:55

What I mainly did in my last job:-
Hiding
Stealing biscuits
Pretending to be on the 'phone
(a spoof CV on a TV programme last year)

Lighthearted and irrelevant to actual question but behaviour probably not that uncommon in any workplace knowing what some people are really like. Would that applicants were this candid........

formerbabe · 29/01/2021 16:56

Also, most people who put down "reading" as a reason they wanted to be a librarian went straight in the bin

Poor sods...seems like a sensible thing to put on your cv if going for a job in a library

BrigitsBigKnickers · 29/01/2021 17:02

I have been involved in some shortlisting and interviews for roles as part of my job. The one that comes to mind was a person who applied for a job as a communication support worker for a deaf child. She had no signing skills but apparently was " a quick leaner" so was confident she would pick it up quickly...

Another job application I received once was written in pencil, on a roughly torn out piece of note paper.

PenguindreamsofDraco · 29/01/2021 17:03

Don't include a link to your website with lots of pics of you half naked except for a bowler hat and leather waistcoat.

This was a man, applying to be a barrister, who felt that a website of him doing his best 'cheeky finger to lips' pose was going to seal the deal.

Washingmyself · 29/01/2021 17:03

Long time ago I though I am being witty and smart when I put into application form for Monsoon to write reason why they should hire me:
Employ me and will see how great I am !
Note pls : this was in 2001.
I still cringe just thinking about it but at that time I believed I did the right thing.

SnugglySnerd · 29/01/2021 17:03

[quote Dasher789]@SnugglySnerd i have my DL noted on my CV, it only takes up one line (or half a line in my case because of the layout) so what is the harm[/quote]
Yes this is my thought too. I think dh just thought employers would take it for granted applicants could drive.

Pollaidh · 29/01/2021 17:06

Hobbies can give you an idea of a candidate's level of 'get up and go', and additional capabilities. We expect people in our team to be capable of coping on their own in a foreign country, fly in and get the job done, with limited on the ground support. If it's a younger person, they may not have that kind of experience already, but if their hobbies require independence, courage, perseverance, etc, then it's a good indication they've got the right kind of personality to cope.

kshaw · 29/01/2021 17:06

If it has an online application form. Fill it in the best you can, make sure you hit all the essential criteria by telling me you how you hit it, with examples (this is very university aimed, I don't know where you'll be applying). If has an application form and doesn't ask for a CV, don't send one, I won't read it

FlamedToACrisp · 29/01/2021 17:10

Also, most people who put down "reading" as a reason they wanted to be a librarian went straight in the bin

What would you have liked to see? "I hate books, so a job that involves persuading members of the public to remove them from the building would suit me fine." ??

Virgo1958 · 29/01/2021 17:12

Avoid generic phrases like 'works well in a team but can work alone' and make sure you can back up everything you put. Once interviewed someone who put 'likes a challenge' and when I ask what challenges he had risen to, he couldn't answer at all.
Make sure you don't just put a list of duties try and get across how you have contributed to success.
Make sure of spellings - once had a cv where someone said they had been a 'sioux' chef.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 29/01/2021 17:16

make sure you can back up everything you put
This is incredibly important.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 29/01/2021 17:17

@formerbabe

Also, most people who put down "reading" as a reason they wanted to be a librarian went straight in the bin

Poor sods...seems like a sensible thing to put on your cv if going for a job in a library

No😂 Because then there is a risk they will jsut be reading instead of working.

Just joking😁