To ask for the worst CV's you've ever seen?!

[Isitgiroday]

About to pimp my CV prior to a career change after almost a decade in the same industry - looking for tips and hints of what to avoid!

I saw my flat mates cv as she applied for a job at my firm and she had nicked all my interests and professional organisational membership etc! She had suggested we do our cvs together I realised why! Her only hobbies were shopping and shagging married men

[quote equuscaballus]@Sparklesocks

The jobcentre used to tell people to do this, they said employers loved it![/quote]
"The jobcentre used to tell people to do this, they said employers loved it!"

The jobcentre stand between you and a job.

I know they need practice but give a thought for those shortlisting please

It's more that they need the £74 to buy things like food; I doubt the sufferings of the person shortlisting come particularly high on the priority list when you know it's apply for a certain number of jobs that week or be sanctioned and go hungry.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Personally I don’t like a section on Interests - waste of time. I couldn’t care less what you like doing in your spare time, I just want to know if you can do the job.

My interest was quite discussed at my interview. It's about unusual food 😁

I have included this when relevant - I went for a Governing Body Clerk job, and having been a Governor for 20-odd years was relevant and appropriate. Similarly being the Chair of the local residents association in a job that concerned resident consultation.

But no jetskiing or rockclimbing - unless they were directly appropriate for the role.

I was once responsible for recruiting for a position that required three things as essential;
A full driving licence
A nursing registration
A female (EqA 2010 exemption applied)

You would not believe how many applications we got from non-drivers, non-nurses, and non-women......

@tillyandmilly

Help anyone - got 7 rejections so far jobs - admin/clerical in NHS - getting disheartened! 4 interviews - no success - is it my age I am 52 female with no previous medical experience but over 3o years secretarial/admin for private firms ie Solicitors/Accountants - but want to work within NHS - help!

Apply for a job that's not in the NHS.

I once worked for the Maxwell group - Robert Maxwell suddenly decreed that all job vacancies had to be advertised in the "daily mirror classified" - roll on huge volumes of applications, mostly totally unsuited to the role.
One application was on a a sheet of jotter pad paper, the top still with the torn bits from the curly spring. Basically said "give me the job" - no address, phone number, it was pre-email...

My PA was filtering the applications for me, and showed me that one as a highlight - I just said, oh well, what's the CV like? At which point she laughed hysterically and said there wasn't one.
It was a slow process.

Lol at all my life I've dreamed of doing data entry

Proof-read, proof-read,* and then proof-read it again (and get somebody to check, for good measure. Actually, get their mum to check it too).

As a senior director who is heavily involved in the hiring process for my organisation, there is nothing more disappointing than seeing poor SPAG in an otherwise excellent CV.

• Yes, I am fond of an Oxford comma. Come fight me.

"Had a scrawly handwritten one where 'they sacked me as didnt like i was seeing the manager'"

It didn't do Bridget Jones any harm.

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

CVs does not require an apostrophe, any more than any other plural does. Putting an apostrophe before the s in a plural = the grocers' apostrophe (or possibly the grocer's apostrophe, depending on whether it's multiple grocers or just the one!), since it's a common error seen in grocery shops. Bean's - £1 Tomato's £2 etc.

Not quite right. It is archaic, but not totally wrong, to put an apostrophe s for a plural of a word made up of initials e.g. we would write MPs these days, but it was 'MP's' in the old days.

I quite like reading the interests section! It certainly means that some candidates stand out from the crowd, usually for good reasons, unless they have waffled on about being an amazing mummy and how their little angels are their whole world

"I’ve never got the snootiness over Comic Sans Font, it’s fairly easy to read and not offensive in any way"

I like it, but I'll bow to the majority view.

"Err, I am a recruiting manager and I certainly care more about whether they can do the job more than I care if we have mutual hobbies confused

It would be lovely if we have things in common, but as a manager I want people who are eager to do the job, develop in their role, and are kind and respectful to colleagues. Whether you like gardening, concerts, crochet, film, football, I honestly don't give a shit."

Yes, that's you, but other managers do like it and talk about it in the interview.
I was told off for NOT putting a hobby in a CV once when I said later on that I had a blog. It was relevant as we were starting a blog at work.

I used to work in hospitality & events and photos were very helpful. Especially when reflecting on candidates after interview.

When interviewing for multiple roles, with multiple candidates for each position it's helpful to have a picture to visualise them more clearly. And it was important that the candidates who filled the position presented themselves well physically for certain roles. Doesn't sound great, but it's the truth.

A manager of a Burger King once told me he had had a CV from a job applicant who listed his "interests" as "hanging out with my homies". This was circa 1992.

One time when I was in my teens my mum forced me to apply for a part time job I really did not want. It was every weekend including Friday and Saturday evenings - what about my social life!?! I grudgingly applied, thinking I would make it so bad they would put it in the bin. I did a handwritten letter and decorated it with pictures of pineapples and bananas either side. They had asked for a photo and I included one of me with a spoon stuck on my chin. Astonishingly I was offered an interview, presumably so they could meet this wacky fun-loving character. In fact I am very quiet and introverted. At the interview they asked what I would do if an angry customer came in shouting. I said I would go and hide in the stockroom until they went away. I didn't get offered the job.

From the other side I once submitted (as requested) a letter and email for a position. I had spent a lot of time tailoring both. I didn't want to send it from my work email and used our home email address which featured my husband's name (Tony for example). Next day I got an email reply/rejection saying "Dear Tony, we have carefully considered your application but...". Didn't sound like they had even opened it, let alone carefully considered it!

@unmarkedbythat

I know they need practice but give a thought for those shortlisting please

It's more that they need the £74 to buy things like food; I doubt the sufferings of the person shortlisting come particularly high on the priority list when you know it's apply for a certain number of jobs that week or be sanctioned and go hungry.

Yes, I don't see why they should care for the 2 minutes it takes recruiters to eliminate you.

@listsandbudgets

Years ago we were advertising for a junior administor / data input clerk and received a CV that actually said "All my life I've dreamed of doing data input."

Still makes me smile

This is the kind of bullshit employers seem to expect though. You're supposed to be passionate about everything these days. The whole 'why do you want this job?' thing is just begging for lying answers really as you can't just reply that you need to pay the rent and it looks easier than worker outside on a market stall.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

Personally I don’t like a section on Interests - waste of time. I couldn’t care less what you like doing in your spare time, I just want to know if you can do the job.

My interest was quite discussed at my interview. It's about unusual food 😁

Are you a human sushi platter?

"And it was important that the candidates who filled the position presented themselves well physically for certain roles. Doesn't sound great, but it's the truth."

You mean that you discriminated against less attractive people?

One good thing about applying for lots of jobs and attending multiple job interviews is that you learn which companies are polite and considerate and which, well ... aren’t.

If you gave me constructive feedback all those years ago, I still remember you. If you asked me to complete a 20 page application form by hand and didn’t even acknowledge it, I remember you less fondly. It’s the same if I attended an interview and you didn’t bother to let me know the outcome. Some companies must make a poor impression on hundreds of potential customers.

@Gwenhwyfar Yes true, maybe other managers care more. The example you've given is a hobby relevant to the job, which is different to waffling on about something irrelevant to the role.

I work in corporate communications so if you were applying to me I would expect you to mention a blog if you had one - I'd likely have a look at it too. However if your hobby was baking cakes, I wouldn't be that interested.

Comic sans. No CV should ever be written in comic sans. Likewise fancy coloured paper/stationary screams of desperation.

A CV where someone demonstrated they did not know the difference between stationery and stationary would go in the (as a PP described it) the round file.

Are you a human sushi platter?

No😂 I just make things which are popular on mainland rather than here😂

"The example you've given is a hobby relevant to the job, which is different to waffling on about something irrelevant to the role."

It wasn't initially though. The job itself had nothing to do with blogging.
Another friend does hill running and had a long conversation with his future manager about it.