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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Stressed about living situation

78 replies

Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:10

Boyfriend lives with parents as he's trying to save up and he has a job near them but hasn't been able to work in months due to tiers and lockdown.
He moved in with me when we went into lockdown (I live in a flat share)

His plan was to stay for a month, but his parents have told him that he's not allowed to come back until lockdown ends, which is looking like April now.

I would really like him to stay longer of course, the only problem is that I've just signed for a new en suite flat share which is for single occupancy only. It wasn't in our plans to move in right away, and he needs to find a job closer first.

They have already stated that it's not for couples. I think a few weeks would be ok but staying until April would be really screwing them over, don't want to be in breach of my contract.

We did discuss it before but he said he wouldn't be staying for months so I went ahead and signed for the room. His parents are adamant he can't come back.

On the other hand it depends on him getting a job here. If I got a couples' room and he didn't get a job then it'd be for nothing.

Just not sure what to do,feel like I am in an awkward situation. I do really want him to stay but don't think it's fair to the landlord and likely illegal.

OP posts:
Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:11

As far as I know his parents did not tell him beforehand that he was not allowed to come back before the end of lockdown.

OP posts:
Indecisive12 · 28/01/2021 18:15

I’d let him be stressed about it. Your living situation is fine, he needs to figure out his.

Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:16

I feel like I don't have a choice about him staying. It's just against my contract but his parents are saying it will be fine.

OP posts:
stablefeet · 28/01/2021 18:17

He's an adult. Set up a good habit for the future and let him sort this out himself.

Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:17

He can't afford to rent a room on his own a he hasn't worked for a long time due to the pandemic.

OP posts:
stablefeet · 28/01/2021 18:18

And stop discussing it with HIS parents. It's your contract, don't break it. Just tell your BF your moving date and that from then he needs to sort something out. Maybe he needs to rent a room himself? Whatever, just let him sort it out. You're not his mum.

user194729573 · 28/01/2021 18:18

His housing is his responsibility.

Why do you feel you don't have a choice? You do.

user194729573 · 28/01/2021 18:19

It's not up to his parents!

Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:20

It's not me discussing it with them. It's then discussing it with him and him telling me. You're right, I'm not. I just feel like I am not being given a choice as he can't afford to get a room until he finds a job, if he even does.

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 28/01/2021 18:20

@Umbrella22

I feel like I don't have a choice about him staying. It's just against my contract but his parents are saying it will be fine.
His parents don’t get any sort of choice about who lives in your flat.

If you’ve signed for a single-occupancy agreement, he can’t live with you-that’s that.

If he can’t move back home, that’s not your problem.

It sounds like his parents have kicked him out, don’t want him back and have decided you are the solution to the problem.

Is he earning or are you supporting him?

Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:20

They have said he can't come back so he has nowhere to go really.

OP posts:
Indecisive12 · 28/01/2021 18:21

@Umbrella22

I feel like I don't have a choice about him staying. It's just against my contract but his parents are saying it will be fine.
Just tell him he can’t stay with you as it’s breach of contract. End of conversation, he needs to find a solution.
katy1213 · 28/01/2021 18:22

He needs to sort himself out. You're not his mother. Even his mother thinks he's old enough to stand on his own feet!

Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:22

He gets some JSA I think and pays me some but it's not 50/50. They phoned me and asked me to help him find work and put him up, it's hard. If I owned the house kr would be bp problem.

OP posts:
Chatterpie · 28/01/2021 18:22

Wtf, how old is he?

You could be evicted for being in breach of your contract, they're very strict about these things. Will you have housemates? If so they're not going to be happy about it.

I guess you could offer to pay 25% extra rent until April, but I wouldn't risk it.

If so it's not your problem to solve, it's up to him to sort it.

MustardMitt · 28/01/2021 18:22

And he has no other friends he can sofa surf with for a few days here and there?

You will get chucked out of your new room if you let him stay more than once or twice a week.

I agree this is something he needs to sort. How are his parents actually going to stop him going home if he lives there and can prove it?

Howshouldibehave · 28/01/2021 18:24

Sounds like his parents have washed their hands of him which is very interesting.

It also sounds like they are all using you.

Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:26

We will be sharing a kitchen with a few others but will have my own bathroom. I will be happy for him to stay a few weeks but that's it.
I could back out of the room now but I would lose £120.

I don't think he's willing to atm with the pandemic.

OP posts:
IndecentFeminist · 28/01/2021 18:26

How old is he? Does he contribute to either your or their households? Perhaps they're sick of him too

Indecisive12 · 28/01/2021 18:26

How long have you been with him? How old are you & him? What is he expecting to happen?

Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:27

I think it's mainly one parent and the other just goes along with what is said sadly.
I am annoyed at this parent but feel like I can't say anything

OP posts:
Chatterpie · 28/01/2021 18:27

He and his parents are putting you in a really shit position.

Don't do it. Tell him he can't stay. If the housemates grass you up or the landlord finds out then you'll both be homeless.

IndecentFeminist · 28/01/2021 18:27

Your only options are to tell him no, with some notice or whatever, or find somewhere else to live.

Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:28

We are 20s, he has had mental health issues and this parent has effectively asked him not to come back for the foreseeable future sadly.
I would offer in a heartbeat if it wasn't able single occupancy.
As i said I can back out now and lose £120.

OP posts:
altiara · 28/01/2021 18:29

Well what does your boyfriend think?
Is he trying to get a job or somewhere to live? Or is he just playing you off against his parents and hoping one of you will crack?

Be clear he can stay with you once a week.