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Original poster

Stressed about living situation

78 replies

Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:10

Boyfriend lives with parents as he's trying to save up and he has a job near them but hasn't been able to work in months due to tiers and lockdown.
He moved in with me when we went into lockdown (I live in a flat share)

His plan was to stay for a month, but his parents have told him that he's not allowed to come back until lockdown ends, which is looking like April now.

I would really like him to stay longer of course, the only problem is that I've just signed for a new en suite flat share which is for single occupancy only. It wasn't in our plans to move in right away, and he needs to find a job closer first.

They have already stated that it's not for couples. I think a few weeks would be ok but staying until April would be really screwing them over, don't want to be in breach of my contract.

We did discuss it before but he said he wouldn't be staying for months so I went ahead and signed for the room. His parents are adamant he can't come back.

On the other hand it depends on him getting a job here. If I got a couples' room and he didn't get a job then it'd be for nothing.

Just not sure what to do,feel like I am in an awkward situation. I do really want him to stay but don't think it's fair to the landlord and likely illegal.

OP posts:
Original poster
Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:29

I could ask the agency but I imagine they will say no due to insurance purposes etc.

That's right, it could get me in trouble and I am not prepared to do it.

OP posts:
Brakebackcyclebot · 28/01/2021 18:29

He gets some JSA I think and pays me some but it's not 50/50. They phoned me and asked me to help him find work and put him up, it's hard

So you're supposed to give him a home, find him a job, support him?

What's he doing for himself???

There are things he could do - I just read a post on Linkedin about a guy who's an airline pilot so obviously can't work - he's painting and decorating to make ends meet.

Your bf sounds like a cocklodger.

justasmalltownmum · 28/01/2021 18:31

What does the bf say?

Original poster
Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:31

He's trying to get a job here but obviously not easy atm.
I was maybe hasty about taking the other room, I shouldn't have, but didn't think this would happen.
But then again if I take a couples' room and he doesn't get a job here it's another risk for me.

OP posts:
Indecisive12 · 28/01/2021 18:32

So basically his parents have had enough of him and are using lockdown to wash their hands of him.
I’d treat very carefully, do you really want to take over in providing for him on a more permanent basis. On paper he doesn’t look like a keeper I’m afraid.

Indecisive12 · 28/01/2021 18:33

@Umbrella22

He's trying to get a job here but obviously not easy atm. I was maybe hasty about taking the other room, I shouldn't have, but didn't think this would happen. But then again if I take a couples' room and he doesn't get a job here it's another risk for me.
He needs to sort his life out before you rearrange yours around it.
Howshouldibehave · 28/01/2021 18:34

Don’t back out of anything. When are you moving into this new flat? Just tell him he can’t come with you!

Don’t let these people walk all over you-this is your life, your money, your flat! You are the only person who gets to make any choices here.

Original poster
Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:35

Thanks everyone, I'll say that he can stay a fortnight or something tops but then that's it as it's breach of contract.

OP posts:
Indecisive12 · 28/01/2021 18:37

I really wouldn’t let him go to your new place at all!
You won’t be making a good impression on new housemates, your landlord won’t be impressed and he won’t go after 2 weeks. When you move out your current place he needs to go somewhere else and it’s up to him to find that place.

ForTheLoveOfWine · 28/01/2021 18:39

Get out now honestly I know that sounds harsh but he doesn’t sound like a catch

I’d imagine there is some back story with his parents if they are going to see him homeless over moving back in with them

Summerhillsquare · 28/01/2021 18:42

Don't let this just happen. You'll have a lifetime of men taking advantage of you if you start down this path.

What does he contribute anyway? Relationships are a two way street, regardless of crises, but you're expected to provide everything here? I hope he cooks and cleans for you at the very least.

ForTheLoveOfWine · 28/01/2021 18:43

Do not let him move in at all
You will by out of pocket when they kick you out for breaching your contract and you will lose your £120 anyway. Your housemates will surely notice and tell the landlord

You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves which is very sad but he doesn’t sound like he’s doing everything he can to change his situation and jobs are out there despite the current situation but it doesn’t sound like he’s even looking. Listen to the posters on here. It is his problem not yours he has until your move date to sort his situation out

MissingCoffeeandWine · 28/01/2021 18:44

Op when I was living in houseshares, our single occupancy contracts included a very clear MAX nights per week that anyone’s partners could stay. I wouldn’t have been happy with your BF staying for two weeks. I’d be very careful about promising him anything, before checking with your new flatmates. Usually there was some flexibility shown once people were known, but never in the beginning. We would have asked a new flat mate to leave had they immediately arrived as a couple.

Be careful as you have very limited housing rights if you are in breech of contract. Might be worth explaining that this was unexpected and asking flatmates in advance if he can accompany you for a limited time? It will cost a lot more than £120 if you suddenly find yourself with nowhere to live

Howshouldibehave · 28/01/2021 18:44

If he moves with you-he’ll never leave.

When you leave the current house, so does he. Then where he goes, that isn’t your problem.

Cocomarine · 28/01/2021 18:45

If you turned up at my house share with your boyfriend in tow for a single occupant room, claiming it was only for 2 weeks, I would call the landlord. I wouldn’t trust someone I don’t know that it would only be 2 weeks. I certainly wouldn’t trust someone that took the piss bringing the other person with them from the start. I would be paying for a house share with 4 people, not 5. Or 5, not 6 - whatever the numbers are.

Cocomarine · 28/01/2021 18:47

@Umbrella22

Thanks everyone, I'll say that he can stay a fortnight or something tops but then that's it as it's breach of contract.
That’s not your place to say it - you’re most likely breaching your contract being that fortnight is up, and pissing off your new housemates 🤷🏻‍♀️
Rowenasemolina · 28/01/2021 18:48

Why won’t his b parents VIN let him back? If it’s fear if infection, maybe agreeing to stay in his room with times bathroom breaks and him sterilising the bathroom might work? Or could you overlap your two rents so that he could isolate in the old place for 10 days after you move, to reassure his parents?

1FootInTheRave · 28/01/2021 18:49

Don't take him to your new place. Totally unfair on your housemates and you'll likely get turfed out.

Get rid of this loser asap.

This won't get better.

Rowenasemolina · 28/01/2021 18:49

Rubbish typing on the phone. Sorry. Hope you can see what I meant

Aquamarine1029 · 28/01/2021 18:51

Stop being his mummy, fgs. His living arrangements are not your responsibility, and you would be totally in the wrong to breach your contract for 2 weeks. Don't do this.

Els1e · 28/01/2021 18:53

This is not so much encouraging him to be an adult and stand on his own 2 feet but giving him a fair but very firm push. Be clear and stick to your boundaries. You are moving and he cannot move with you.

Ghostella · 28/01/2021 18:55

OP don’t take him
With you!!! You can’t turn up with him to the new place “just for two weeks”!! The other housemates would report you, why would they put up with that? Ditch him!

AlwaysCheddar · 28/01/2021 18:55

Seriously?? Dump him! He needs to grow the hell up. Do not move him into your new place - you’ll get caught.

torquewench · 28/01/2021 18:56

Have the parents actually spoken direcrtly to you about this or is he relaying what theyre allegedly saying? Either way, he needs to pull up his big boy pants and sort out his own house/flat share. You need to be firmer. Where are you going to go if your new landlord terminates your contract?

Howshouldibehave · 28/01/2021 18:57

Make your plans to move into your single-occupancy flat and make it very clear now, today, that he can’t come with you.

If at some point in the future he gets a job and you think the relationship is based on good things and going strong, then you could move in together then. Don’t ‘save’ him-it won’t end well.