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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Stressed about living situation

78 replies

Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 18:10

Boyfriend lives with parents as he's trying to save up and he has a job near them but hasn't been able to work in months due to tiers and lockdown.
He moved in with me when we went into lockdown (I live in a flat share)

His plan was to stay for a month, but his parents have told him that he's not allowed to come back until lockdown ends, which is looking like April now.

I would really like him to stay longer of course, the only problem is that I've just signed for a new en suite flat share which is for single occupancy only. It wasn't in our plans to move in right away, and he needs to find a job closer first.

They have already stated that it's not for couples. I think a few weeks would be ok but staying until April would be really screwing them over, don't want to be in breach of my contract.

We did discuss it before but he said he wouldn't be staying for months so I went ahead and signed for the room. His parents are adamant he can't come back.

On the other hand it depends on him getting a job here. If I got a couples' room and he didn't get a job then it'd be for nothing.

Just not sure what to do,feel like I am in an awkward situation. I do really want him to stay but don't think it's fair to the landlord and likely illegal.

OP posts:

GlowingOrb · 28/01/2021 18:58

Do not let him come to the new place at all. If you show up at a single occupancy flat with a second person your new flat mates can and should report you to the landlord immediately.

Did the parents not want him to go to your place in the first place? Maybe said if he goes, he can’t come back until this is over, but he went anyway?

UserMcNewName · 28/01/2021 18:58

If you take him to your new place I'd say it's pretty much a guarantee you'll get chucked out and you may lose a lot more than £120 as I doubt you will get a rent refund for breaking the tenancy agreement on the first day.

People take single occupancy for a reason. You are highly likely to be reported or at the very least end up with a very bad relationship with your housemates. You need to either move alone or find somewhere that will take you both and risk footing the entire Bill for the foreseeable future.

billy1966 · 28/01/2021 18:59

Op, WTF

A family of cheeky fxxkers and boy have they found the perfect mug in you.

He is NOT your responsibility.

Do you want to be a mother to a man?

Is that REALLY what you want.

You are stressed and they sit back and let you to it.

Stop being so silly.

You are moving.

Do not allow him to move in.

YOU should NOT be messing around with your living arrangements because you have got yourself involved with a family of cherky fxxkers.

If I was your mother I would be furious with you for being used and putting your own situation at risk.

He is NOT your problem.

Stop bloody discussing it.
Stop trying to fix this.
Stop trying to fix him.

If you are not very very careful you are going to mess up your life big time.

Tell him you are moving into YOUR accommodation as agreed.

He CAN'T come.

You are NOT risking your living arrangements.

Stop discussing it.

Let him sort himself out.

You are being used.
Recognise it.

Cheongfan · 28/01/2021 18:59

I say the same as the others. He needs to find his own flat share. This is not your problem. You absolutely cannot turn up on day one with a partner if you've agreed single occupancy. If I were your housemate I'd call the landlord immediately.

BornOnThe4thJuly · 28/01/2021 19:01

It isn’t up to his parents to decide whether it’s ok. I’d put your foot down if I were you.

Reinventinganna · 28/01/2021 19:02

If he stays with you at all you will be in breach of your contract so you will lose the money anyway and will have to find somewhere else to live.

He’s a big boy, he needs to take some responsibility.

If he’s homeless he needs to contact the local council. Do not risk your tenancy because of your bleeding heart.

billy1966 · 28/01/2021 19:03

Oh and if you turned up with a boyfriend to a single occupation flat I wouldn't hesitate to report you immediately.

YOU would a cheeky fxxker to do this.

Do NOT expect those that you are moving in with to put up with this bullshit.

YOU will be out on your ear.
HE will expect you to fix it.

His family won't give a damn.

Wake up OP.

You need to take care of yourself.

Stop walking into a real mess.

Beautiful3 · 28/01/2021 19:03

You cannot allow him to move in. You'll annoy the others saying it's just for a few weeks, they'll end up grasping you up to the landlord and you'll be evicted. Tell him he cannot come to the new place. Ask him to talk to his grandparents as he ll be homeless.

Beautiful3 · 28/01/2021 19:05

Grassing

BornOnThe4thJuly · 28/01/2021 19:05

@Indecisive12

I really wouldn’t let him go to your new place at all! You won’t be making a good impression on new housemates, your landlord won’t be impressed and he won’t go after 2 weeks. When you move out your current place he needs to go somewhere else and it’s up to him to find that place.

This is very good advice!

Veterinari · 28/01/2021 19:09

I don't understand why you think it's up to you to find a solution @Umbrella22 ?

Your boyfriend is an adult. It's up to him to arrange his working and living situation. He's not a child.
He's also taking the piss.

Ugh! How can you sleep with this man-child what does he contribute?

billy1966 · 28/01/2021 19:10

@Umbrella22

Thanks everyone, I'll say that he can stay a fortnight or something tops but then that's it as it's breach of contract.

He can't stay at all.

Do YOU not understand what a single tenancy is?

You don't get to bring someone with you for a couple of weeks.

You will be thrown out and you will deserve to be.

You have NO right to bring someone with you.

I would report you as you walked in the door with him.

YOU will be viewed as a CF and will be turfed out.

YOU will deserve go be too.

You don't get to choose.
You are breaking the agreement as you are walking in the door.

A complete cherky fxxker move which will rightly piss off your new flatmates.

I'd want you out.

The landlord owes you NOTHING and will rightly throw you and your manchild out.

Apologies for being harsh but you are being so silly.

Can you move home?
Because you may need to.

Mousehole10 · 28/01/2021 19:14

He can't come with you for a few weeks, that isn't fair on the others in the flat share and they would likely rightly report it to the landlord. He has to find his own arrangements.

Unsure33 · 28/01/2021 19:28

So why exactly don’t they want him back ? Covid risk ? Or another reason?

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 28/01/2021 19:35

If you try to move him in for a few weeks, you will be chucked out.

RapunzelHadExtensions · 28/01/2021 19:37

🎵 No, I don't want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me🎵

Heyahun · 28/01/2021 19:55

Ew man child - he needs to sort his shit out tbh and grow up!

If he is actually homeless then he needs to claim universal credit and try rent his own bloody room and look for his own job!

Sounds like he’s not bothered to do any of that hel just sponge off you

Bl3ss3dm0m · 28/01/2021 19:57

If I was the OP I would find it hard to make a stranger homeless who had been staying with me, especially in winter, especially one with mental health problems. Turn that stranger into my boyfriend who I am presumably fond of, maybe even in love with, who has mental health issues, no job at the moment because we are going through a pandemic, and parents who have rejected him; then throw into the mix the OP, who is obviously a very kind and caring person anyway, who may never forgive herself if things tuned out badly, then my advice is, give up on your single occupancy room for now, and if you can, stay where you are at the moment. I understand OP that you will lose out on your £150 holding fee (?), so I would contact his parents over this and try to guilt them into covering that for you - it is the very least they can do in the circumstances - but if not then so be it, lose that money, and I hope that in the future, good Karma will make up for that, but sadly you cannot depend on that. Good luck with your difficult choices OP.

NoSquirrels · 28/01/2021 20:01

Where do you live at the moment and why are you moving?

You really CANNOT take him to the new place. In a shared house it’s a massive piss take, and even if you say it’s just for 2 weeks, if it’s as soon as you move in you’ll really upset the other people living there. And what will change in 2 weeks anyway.

No - if you’re moving he needs a new place to live. If he can’t go to his parents and he can’t come with you he needs a Plan C. It’s his responsibility to sort that out.

user194729573 · 28/01/2021 20:01

@Bl3ss3dm0m

Yes, sure, definitely bugger your life up trying to rescue this man.

Codependency is not a good basis for a healthy life.

billy1966 · 28/01/2021 20:13

Whatever the OP decides to do will be up.to her.

But at least she won't be surprised when her new housemates think she is a cheeky fxcker and report her and want her out.

I wouldn't want you to stay knowing that you had DELIBERATELY broken your tenancy as you walked in the door.

I would be telling the landlord that HE was breakingbthe agreement by allowing you to do so.

Don't expect everybody to be as big a mug as you are OP.

They won't care what your situation is....all they will know is that you are a PITA that broke the tenancy as you walked in the door.

They are under NO obligation to accept your behaviour.

polanama · 28/01/2021 20:13

Your options are stay put, go to new place alone or find somewhere new for you both. You can not arrive at a new single occupancy place as a couple

TheSoapyFrog · 28/01/2021 21:21

If his parents want him to move in with you, then maybe they should be funding it and reimbursing you for money lost.
I really don't think otherwise you should even be letting him stay with you for two weeks. It sounds like you're essentially in a house/flat share. Are you even allowed to have someone stay for two weeks? That isn't really fair on the other tenants and I wouldn't be surprised if they reported you to the landlord and you were evicted. Then you would definitely lose your money.
My partner wouldn't want me to jeopardise my home, he'd sort himself out first and not expect me or his mummy to provide him with a roof over his head.
If indeed his parents are saying all this (are you sure this isn't just him saying it to put pressure on you?), then they are also twats.
Maybe take this time to have a little think about whether he is actually worth it.

Original poster

Umbrella22 · 28/01/2021 21:21

Put my foot down, he understood and it is not happening now, thanks to everyone for helping.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 28/01/2021 22:09

Put my foot down, he understood and it is not happening now, thanks to everyone for helping.

Very well done, op. I know you're very young, and misplaced feelings of guilt and responsibility can rear their ugly head, but it is fantastic that you have grasped the importance of proper boundaries.

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