To be surprised at how everyone knows everyone in small towns?

[thissemicharmedlife]

Well obviously I am BU because it’s such a given, but has anybody found this aspect a bit of a culture shock when moving from a bigger city to a smaller town?

I grew up in a biggish city then moved to a lovely market town about 12 miles away (population about 30,000) at 20. However me and DP continued working in our home city for the first few years so never really got to know anyone locally. Anyway since having a child (so experiencing baby groups, nursery and school start) as well as getting a part-time job locally it’s really hit me how everybody knows everybody. There is no separation at all, if you mention where you work to your neighbours then they inevitably know or are related to half of your colleagues. If one of the school mums adds you on Facebook then they are mutual friends with everyone else you know in the town. You can’t go round Sainsbury’s without seeing a dozen people you know. I kind of miss before when I was anonymous.

I do wonder what it will be like longterm for my children to grow up and go to school here. If you’ve grown up in a small town did it feel a bit claustrophobic to know everybody? I used to bus to secondary school in a different area of my city and my parents didn’t know anyone else’s parents at my school. I would bet there’s at most one degree of separation between everyone round here.

My mother ran the local hairdressers for 50 years and my father had a business in the area, I grew up knowing everyone!!! I moved away to London and hated the anonymity. I am now living in the community I grew up in and I love it.

No, I think it’s brilliant.
My DD is going to school with my own classmates children (and grandchildren in some cases) being taught by teachers who taught me!
We all know each other and look out for each other too.

I now live in a town of 200,000
It is also fast growing.

But the things that blows me away constantly is how many people know each other.
Even on the school gate - the kids are kids of parents who went to that school! Even Granparents who went to the school!.

I constantly realise that people I know, know each other, and have known each other for YEARS.

I'm still not sure if I liek it. I do feel like an outsider to be honest. But at times if feels claustrophobic.

I am surprised as the town is so big. But I think because I live in an older district, loads of families here have been living in their houses for 2-3 generations!

As a teenager you have to behave a lot better as someone else’s parents are always just around the corner and will call your mum (or tell her at mass).

I live in a market town of 25000 people....I love it .....it’s a real community......everybody knows everybody....my daughters boyfriend is my nephews best friend.....and you can always find a connection.....I always feel safe....if I’m out at night and see a group of teenagers there’s always one who will say hi as they know me from somewhere.

I recently started working about 40 miles away from my area and in the first week I discovered that the only other person from my area who worked there knew my dad from the business he runs!

I grew up in a small town, with a population of about 15k. There was one secondary school, which everybody in the town and the surrounding villages went to. That’s why everybody knows everybody else in small towns.

I had a similar set up at secondary school where I travelled a long way. I hated it socially as was really difficult to hang out with my friends who all lived close to school. We picked a similar size town to you. My kids are primary age and one of the reasons I picked it was so as teenagers they will be easily able to see friends. I have lived in London and another city before and much prefer this personally fir family life. Feels much more like living in a community

I also find that everyone has shagged every one else.

My town has a population of about 7000, although probably a lot more now bc that was at the last census and there's been a lot of new builds since then. Everyone knows everyone, most of them are related. My family is spread across the UK/ Europe so the concept of having all your family in the same place feels weird to me. As a kid I always felt like an outsider bc I couldn't call anyone auntie etc (either by blood or as friends of parents), our family friends were also outsiders. I probably won't stay here. Having said that, it does seem to be a good environment for the kids of many generations now, they grow up with their cousins almost like siblings.

@Frannyhy

I also find that everyone has shagged every one else.

I live on an island. Moved here 20 years ago. 80k population. They all seem to have shagged each other.

The first thing anyone does is try and work out what connection you have.

I love going away and being anonymous. Then again keep bumping into the buggers when away as well..

Friends from here find it weird going into a pub away and not knowing people.

I think it depends how much you integrate, where I grew up if you were involved in the rugby club and young farmers then everyone knew everything.
Personally I like anonymity!

I moved from a part of the country where I could be pretty anonymous as it's so densely populated to a small coastal town. It took me a couple of years to get used to the fact that wherever I go here I see someone I know. It made me really uncomfortable but I think that was because it was so alien to me.
I've been here over 3 years now and own a well known business in the town and am now quite enjoying the more commute feel but it's taken some time to get to this stage.

community

My home city wasn’t particularly massive compared to others, and there would often still be ‘connections’ here and there and knowing friends of friends at places, but you could easily go to the supermarket without it being certain you would be served by someone you knew and it was easier to separate and ‘compartmentalise’ aspects of your life if that makes sense- school life and friends, my Saturday job, my extended family, my house and street and neighbours all nicely separate from each other. If something wasn’t great at school or there was any drama you felt like you could leave it behind when you weren’t there.

I live in a small town with no secondary school and only two primary schools. Absolutely everybody knows everybody. People marry and divorce and the old and new partners went to school together or are the BIL/SIL of the old partner. It's not a place where you can gossip without getting lynched as you'll be talking to their cousin and not know it.

I live in an island of 60,000 and there's about 2 degrees of separation here.

Because many are expats there is a strong sense of community and we're all each other's surrogate families.

This lends itself very well when someone suffers a trauma or tragedy. Everyone comes together to support each other and it's wonderful.

By boys were born here and will be here until they leave for university in the next decade, and I wonder if they'll appreciate the anonymity or feel bewildered by it.

That being said, even when we fly to Miami for shopping weekends, we will still inevitably bump into acquaintances from here, so we don't really escape!

I moved around for work for years and was single and it was very easy to have good connection with colleagues but not really know anyone locally.. It's only since moving somewhere permanently and having kids that I've realised how interconnected people in a community can be. My DM moved here a few years ago and I had to warn her to be very careful who she discussed with whom as everyone is related or connected in some way!

I grew up in a small suburb of a city, and there were a lot of connections. But it very much depends on how much of a "joiner" you are.
I can go to the shops there sometimes and not see anyone I know but my brothers can't because they played on local sports teams.
YY to teenage behaviour monitoring, my BM would say "a little birdie told me" you were doing XYZ...very inhibiting

I do wonder what it will be like longterm for my children to grow up and go to school here.

It will be brilliant for them. Why wouldn't it?

I grew up in a small town and didn’t like it. I moved to a city for uni at 18, then to a bigger city, then on to London. I wouldn’t go back to where I grew up - for me it was less knowing everyone and more the abject boredom I had as a child and teenager. My parents almost bought in London before I was born but chose the town instead - I always tell them I wish I’d grown up in London! I found more like minded people in cities, in my experience town locals don’t have very broad horizons or open minds

I live in a town of around 5,000 people. There's a couple neighbouring villages but the next town (which is actually smaller than ours 🤣) is an hour away - and the nearest city is 3 hours away.

I moved here 10 years ago from a larger (but not huge) town. It still blows my mind when I hear locals making connections between people.

I love it though, everyone says hi, and there's a massive community feel.

However, people can be very judgmental about certain family names - if that makes sense.

I think how claustrophobic it is depends on the type of gossiper your parent is.

My cousin hated our small village, but that’s because my Aunt told everybody everything. So, my teenage cousin knew that Mary in the shop, Phyllis in the library and Jean in the post office knew about her period problems/getting in trouble/failing a test at school and she hated it. She also did something very silly at 15 and because my aunt told everyone it was never forgotten.

Whereas my Nana wasn’t a gossiper and even with her friends had limits on details shared. That meant I had an easier time.

The only downside was when I got bullied it was hard to get it taken seriously because “that’s Mary’s boy, she’s lovely”. And she was, but her son was a nasty, violent, dickhead.

In general though it’s brilliant. The support network is invaluable.

I lived in London before moving to a small town. I love it! I feel like I live in Albert Square