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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU for not buying my mother more shoes?

84 replies

BlueFlyAway · 27/01/2021 13:32

I live at home with my mother. I help with bills and chores and online groceries. I just can't afford my own rent. Unless if I move into the city but I will have to give up my job and look for work in the city. Definitely as soon as all the covid dies down, it's on my list to do but currently it's too risky to uproot and change jobs and move.

A clothing catalogue comes in the mail to me, I think it's seasonal, every three months and one came yesterday in the mail. My mother wanted to have a look at the catalogue and that wasn't a problem with me.

Within 5 minutes she found some some boots that she liked the look of and it came with a discount code too. Basically she never even asked me but she told me she wanted this boots and could I get them for her. You see she doesn't know how to use the Internet or computers.

Things is these boots were ridiculous and came with a three 3 heel. My mother isn't nearly 70. I know age shouldnt be a factor in clothes. It's been about 15 years since she last had a social life. I don't understand what she has planned to wear these boots to? She doesn't go out anywhere and that was before covid times too. She certainly isn't going to wear them going for walks on a rural, rocky road. I really don't understand where she intends to wear them too.

Another thing is, I bought her boots back in October and she loved them so much she wanted me to go in for a second pair. Not only that but she also got me to buy shoes for her in November. That's to all to a shoe and boot collection that is already substantial.

WIBU to make excuses to get out from buying her more boots?

OP posts:
HelebethH · 27/01/2021 13:36

I would be temlted to tell her they are out of stock

Cosmos45 · 27/01/2021 13:36

I really don't understand what you are asking - if she is paying for the boots and just wants you to order them for her because she does not use the internet then yes why not?

If she is asking you to pay for them that is an entirely different matter but your OP is far from clear.

Godimabitch · 27/01/2021 13:36

Is she giving you the money for them. I dont think you can dictate what shoes she buys with her own money but you shouldn't be paying for them, she should be giving you the money.

Chanjer · 27/01/2021 13:36

If she's paying for them and can afford it fine then help her

My mum just asked me to get her slippers to keep the other 3 pairs she's got company Grin

luxxlisbon · 27/01/2021 13:36

Is she expecting you to pay for them or just order because she can't online shop herself?

If it is the latter then you are being a bit unreasonable, what does it matter to you how many pairs of shoes she has bought recently or whether you think they are appropriate for a 70 year old?

HelebethH · 27/01/2021 13:37

Oops sorry meant tempted. That is if she wants you to pay

Santaiscovidfree · 27/01/2021 13:39

Tell her they will be out of fashion before she is allowed to go anywhere to wear them!!

PussyCatInChristmasStockings · 27/01/2021 13:42

Tell her they're out of stock and contact the catalogue company and ask them to take you off the mailing list.

Minky37 · 27/01/2021 13:44

Are you paying for them or is she? If she’s paying then what’s the problem?
If she wants you to pay, why would that be the case?

LadyPoison · 27/01/2021 13:46

If she’s paying for them then what’s the problem?

I’d hate my children to be policing my clothing choices.

BlueFlyAway · 27/01/2021 13:49

She gets me to pay initially and then she's does pay me pack eventually but I usually end up out of pocket. Do you know with online orders, money is taken straight away. She waits until there is a delivery through the door to pay me back. So it does mean I'm out of pocket for a week or so until delivery. Then she only ever pays me back for the price off the shoes or boots or clothes. She always leaves the shipping fees on my back.

She wanted me to buy her shoes last night and I actually honestly don't have the funds in my account but she wanted me to do it anyways. She wasn't able to understand that I need to wait til payday to be able to order (that's if I was inclined).

Yes, I'm definitely going to be emailing the company to request to be taken off the catalogue list.

OP posts:
BlueFlyAway · 27/01/2021 13:50

I usually do help her but I can't see what she's planning to do with 3 inch heeled boots any time soon.

OP posts:
Pugdogmom · 27/01/2021 13:54

I would ask the money up front, including shipping fees, or teach her how to order herself. No need for you to be out of pocket.
Apart from that, I can't see what business it is of yours what she spends her money on.

slashlover · 27/01/2021 13:59

Your mother is a grown adult and can buy what she wants. Have you explained that you are charged when you order and that she needs to pay shipping?

slashlover · 27/01/2021 14:00

Does you mother have a bank card and then you can just use hers to pay with?

AmberItsACertainty · 27/01/2021 14:10

Tell her you can't afford it. Every time. Tell her if she wants the boots she has to pay you before you order and that includes the shipping fees. That's reasonable.

If she pays then it's up to her what she buys and when. You don't have to understand her decision or approve of it.

Pinkmoon33 · 27/01/2021 14:17

So you are living rent free at home but won't buy your mother shoes? Shoes that she will eventually pay you back for? Hmm

doadeer · 27/01/2021 14:19

Just tell her the amount Inc delivery... And ask she pays it to you before you order. I don't really see the issue..

donewithitalltodayandxmas · 27/01/2021 14:20

Just say you can only order if she pays upfront incl shipping fees or if you use her card, you show her what to do and she pays with her card

VetiverAndLavender · 27/01/2021 14:23

It sounds like a weird situation you have with your mother, tbh. If she knows there are shipping fees and leaves them for you to pay, I'd feel no guilt about saying you can't afford it, lying about the boots being out of stock, or whatever else will convince her to leave it.

The practicality of the boots isn't relevant. She might want them just to admire in the mirror and only wear them on Friday nights at home, and that would be fine, but you shouldn't be forced to subsidise her online shopping habit, even only in part.

Yes, you're benefitting by living at home with her, temporarily, but if she wants to charge you more, she needs to do that instead of expecting you to pay her shipping fees.

Nimue21 · 27/01/2021 14:23

I usually do help her but I can't see what she's planning to do with 3 inch heeled boots any time soon

That's not your business.

Do you pay rent to her?

RedskyBynight · 27/01/2021 14:23

I'd buy them for her but point out that she needs to pay for the shipping as well. It's not up to you to police her purchases.

WinterdiscontentGlorioussummer · 27/01/2021 14:24

She probably sees the advertised price and don't understand the way it works with the extra costs. Explain this, tell her you cannot make an overdraft on your account in order to purchase shoes.

Use her card when purchasing, much easier, you only have to order for her then.

VinylDetective · 27/01/2021 14:27

Use her card to order them and stop being the shoe police. As long as she pays for them it’s none of your business what she buys.

TwoBlueFish · 27/01/2021 14:34

Order them for her and ask her for her bank card when you get to the payment page. It’s up to her what she spends her money on.