To not allow DH into our house for 10 days?

[MrsJE]

Opinions needed please.
DH is at work this evening and came across a man who was slumped on the floor and not responding when asked if he was OK.
DH phoned 999 and they asked him to do chest compressions on the person as his breathing was shallow, which DH did until the ambulance arrived.
DH recognises the man as one of the local homeless that sleep near his work and it appears he may have taken spice.
Now, my dilemma is I'm 50yrs old and have spent half my life in and out of hospital with asthma attacks. We still have two children living at home and we are also raising our grandson who has additional needs. DH himself is 52 and has a blood disorder that he is on long term medication for. We have tried to be careful during this pandemic, we're not shielding as DH works in an office (either alone or with one other person at a time) and grandson attends school of a morning as he is classed as vulnerable but, we keep to the rules and do as much as possible to minimise our risk.
I now feel DH should stay in our eldest sons spare room for 10 days but DH thinks I'm being ridiculous.
Am I being unreasonable?

[Toddlerteaplease]

@MichelleScarn yep. Can you imagine saying that!!

[WinstonWolf]

Has someone in the household been identified as clinically extremely vulnerable and had letters/texts etc advising them to shield in this lockdown?

I think it's difficult to knowingly increase your potential exposure in this way, even if you're just CV rather than CEV.

I agree with pp that trying to ascertain if the gentleman has had a positive test would be beneficial.

[Tellmetruth4]

If I was your DH I’d offer to go into isolation myself because I wouldn’t want to expose you to unnecessary risk. There are a lot of people on here being very idealistic because they can. It’s not them in this situation. Isolation is not a punishment, it’s risk minimisation.

Call the hospital and ask if you can be told of the mans results as DH is a close contact to resolve this.

[WouldBeGood]

@SimonJT

If I had been through something traumatic like that and someone who supposedly loves and cares for me suggested isolating me in a room for ten days I would know right then that the relationship was well and truly over.

It’s a really callous suggestion.

This

[BeakyWinder]

Jesus.

[countrygirl99]

@MrsJE

To be fair staying with our son for 10 days is no punishment, I might go myself instead for the peace quiet and rest

If I were your DH I would tell you not to bother coming back

[Tellmetruth4]

So if OPs DH accidentally got pricked by a syringe whilst helping the homeless man would people say she was callous to refuse to have sex with him until he received a negative HIV test? Or would they understand she was trying to minimise risk?

Isolation is not punishment it’s minimisation of exposure to a virus which doesn’t care if you’re a kind helping person or not.

[AlternativePerspective]

This doesn't quite make sense - no one would do chest compressions on someone with shallow breathing, they would be if you believed their heart had stopped. that’s not true. When I went into cardiac arrest they started my compressions at the point my heart rate dipped below 10bpm and I was still conscious at that point because I remember it vividly.

Admittedly this was in hospital where they had monitors to check the heart rate etc but if he’d taken the man’s pulse and been struggling to find one he could have done compressions.

PS: while I can see that someone would be afraid that they could have contracted COVID, I think that in truth we need to weigh up the fact that you are blaming your DH for not wanting to essentially leave a man to die rather than help him.

[Tellmetruth4]

OP seriously there are a lot of keyboard #bekind types on here who don’t practice what they preach. If they lived in an area rife with drug addiction to Spice and saw a man collapsed on the street, most of them would lock their car doors and keep driving or at best call the police/ambulance from a distance so they wouldn’t even be in this situation. Your DH did a very kind thing but there are consequences which could devastate the whole family as a result.

Call the hospital and see if you can get the results.

[SueEllenMishke]

You are being ridiculous.
The world has gone mad.

[Lurkingforawhile]

Firstly well done to your DH for doing a good thing. I think a good compromise would be to follow the shielding instructions. Spare room, keeping distance, different towels, clean bathroom etc. I'm guessing you might have got a shielding letter /email but if not details are on gov.uk. We've been doing that for a while and it's not easy or fun, but very doable for 10 days or so. My OH works in a very high risk town and has to go in to work occasionally and we use these precautions after he's been in.

[Viviennemary]

Why don't you self isolate in the spare room. Your DH is a hero who puts others before himself.

[Nousernamesleftatall]

Peak Covid madness. Madness.

[countrygirl99]

@Tellmetruth4

So if OPs DH accidentally got pricked by a syringe whilst helping the homeless man would people say she was callous to refuse to have sex with him until he received a negative HIV test? Or would they understand she was trying to minimise risk?

Isolation is not punishment it’s minimisation of exposure to a virus which doesn’t care if you’re a kind helping person or not.

That is hardly the same at all. Refraining from sex forbade free days and kicking someone who has just been through a traumatic experience out of their home are not at all comparable. And 2 of my family - DH and DS2 have been in positions where they have given mouth to mouth. DH to a work colleague, DS to a stranger so I do have an idea of the impact it had on them.

[Notnownotneverever]

YANBU. I am shocked at the replies on this thread and makes me think that this is possibly why we are in lockdown 3.
We are told to treat anyone outside our own household as if they and we have covid. So giving mouth to mouth to an unknown individual in any circumstance, nothing to do with being homeless, means he should be extremely cautious and separate from you all for 10 days.
Ask him how he will feel if you contract covid in the next week or so and suffer. You have hardly asked him to move out.

[Christinaismyperson]

When I was exposed at work (care home) I voluntarily isolated from my family for 10 days. Isn’t this what everyone would do to protect their family?

He should be trying to find out the covid status of the gentleman he helped and taking it from there. This might all be a moot point.

And isolation doesn’t mean solitary confinement btw. OP could still support him and show her love for him via phone, text, FaceTime, sending in gifts and showing she loves him.

[Christinaismyperson]

Also would like to point out that 999 will only be advising chest compressions and not rescue breaths at the moment. They will also instruct to cover the face with a cloth or item of clothing if possible. To minimise the risk of transmission, because giving chest compressions is extremely high risk even without the rescue breaths.

[Moonmelodies]

Even if the DH tests positive, and the OP is shielding, the rules still dictate that they must both be stay in their own home, correct?

[oakleaffy]

@Notnownotneverever

YANBU. I am shocked at the replies on this thread and makes me think that this is possibly why we are in lockdown 3.
We are told to treat anyone outside our own household as if they and we have covid. So giving mouth to mouth to an unknown individual in any circumstance, nothing to do with being homeless, means he should be extremely cautious and separate from you all for 10 days.
Ask him how he will feel if you contract covid in the next week or so and suffer. You have hardly asked him to move out.

It wasn't ''Mouth to mouth'' but chest compressions only.

[VintageStitchers]

Of course YANBU. It’s only 10 days he needs to isolate for.

He’ll get all his meals cooked for him, he can read books, watch tv, play on his tablet etc.

Ignore the braying mob mentality.

[Bettydot]

I think this is a hard one. As another poster said this was a relatively high risk / close contact situation with a person who is likely to be high risk in terms of not social distancing etc so I can understand you wanting him to isolate. As others have said being in an office and contact with a school child also place you both at risk. I tend to think everyone needs to do what they are comfortable with as the consequences can be serious but it’s hard when you have differing opinions. I hope you can find a solution you’re both comfortable with. Well done to your husband for helping.

[Notnt]

I think YABU, which isn't what I'd have expected, but thinking on it, it wouldn't cross my mind to try to make my partner isolate in one room.
We have also went above and beyond with the rules (no contact outside household for over a year, not having a childcare bubble although we could, etc.), and with GAD I'm hyper aware of the risks. I would be annoyed and ask him to stay elsewhere to isolate if he'd knowingly been reckless (going to someone else's house to socialise, going to the pub and so on...), but I wouldn't feel the same about him trying to possibly save someone's life.

[TonMoulin]

I would have. Thought your DH would be contacted if the man was positive ?

What do you think your. DH should say to work?

[Doublefaced]

‘It wasn't ''Mouth to mouth'' but chest compressions only.’

Do you have ANY idea about the physiology of chest compressions? ANY idea of the risk?

[TonMoulin]

The issue here is that the OP is basically assuming that the homeless man is positive.
But somehow none of the children at nursery are. Or people who are working with her DH. All of which will have had close contact or prolonged contact with.

Why is that??