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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not allow DH into our house for 10 days?

270 replies

MrsJE · 26/01/2021 21:33

Opinions needed please.
DH is at work this evening and came across a man who was slumped on the floor and not responding when asked if he was OK.
DH phoned 999 and they asked him to do chest compressions on the person as his breathing was shallow, which DH did until the ambulance arrived.
DH recognises the man as one of the local homeless that sleep near his work and it appears he may have taken spice.
Now, my dilemma is I'm 50yrs old and have spent half my life in and out of hospital with asthma attacks. We still have two children living at home and we are also raising our grandson who has additional needs. DH himself is 52 and has a blood disorder that he is on long term medication for. We have tried to be careful during this pandemic, we're not shielding as DH works in an office (either alone or with one other person at a time) and grandson attends school of a morning as he is classed as vulnerable but, we keep to the rules and do as much as possible to minimise our risk.
I now feel DH should stay in our eldest sons spare room for 10 days but DH thinks I'm being ridiculous.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 26/01/2021 22:16

I think a lot of posters are missing the point
I don't think so consider OP's grandson goes to school they are far more at risk of catching covid from their grandson.

oldegg123 · 26/01/2021 22:20

@Emeraldshamrock I presume the school children aren’t doing cpr on each other? That’s about as high risk as it gets (referring to risk of infection)

It also not really an argument that because GS is at risk of picking it up at school, other risk should be ignored...

oldegg123 · 26/01/2021 22:22

I totally agree that OP is being U in not being bloody proud of her husband and seeming to be annoyed he put himself at risk. But it Keyes to now isolate, and both me and DP would we a courtesy to each other (and to everyone else we could potentially pass it on to)

gobbynorthernbird · 26/01/2021 22:22

Give your DH a hug, out the kettle on (or both have a nice glass of something), and tell him you're bloody proud of him. Don't shut him out (literally or figuratively), as he's probably in shock and possibly traumatised.

DimidDavilby · 26/01/2021 22:23

Yanbu, yes it's a shitty outcome of course it is, but it's your health? Surely he would think the same?

I would say homeless drug user population much more likely to be covid positive as unlikely to be distancing and will be mixing with lots of people. I don't mean that harshly but it's true.

oldegg123 · 26/01/2021 22:23

Ugh autocorrect! On my phone - Keyes = makes sense

DimidDavilby · 26/01/2021 22:24

@Norwayreally

Your DH saved someone’s life, you should feel pretty proud of him right now rather than threatening to kick him out of his own home for a week and a half. Jesus.
She can feel proud of him and also rationally asses risk.
MichelleScarn · 26/01/2021 22:27

What would you have wanted him to do? Tell 999 sorry can't do that, and just stand by and watch?

MasterBeth · 26/01/2021 22:30

Ring NHS 111 for advice after congratulating your husband for his heroism.

Iqqq · 26/01/2021 22:31

@Stompythedinosaur

This doesn't quite make sense - no one would do chest compressions on someone with shallow breathing, they would be if you believed their heart had stopped.

I think it would be an overreaction to ask someone to stay elsewhere when they are not symptomatic and haven't even had contact with someone with confirmed covid.

Google "Agonal breathing".
ChronicallyCurious · 26/01/2021 22:32

YABU, obviously

notanothertakeaway · 26/01/2021 22:33

@MasterBeth

Ring NHS 111 for advice after congratulating your husband for his heroism.
That's good advice
sosotired1 · 26/01/2021 22:35

She can feel proud of him and also rationally asses risk.

My husband has just had to self isolate (not for such brave reasons though) but my health is vulnerable and I have children with SEN and need to take care of them.

However, there is new guidance for travellers that suggests you can isolate for 7 days if you have a test on day 5 which proves negative. This might be easier if you do isolation 'light' at home with masks in shared areas etc. if he hasn't anywhere else to go for a week.

It is very sensible to reduce risk and even viral load if he did have it as the hospitals are in such a state. It takes roughly a day to become symptomatic so you don't need to decide tonight.

Marinaloves · 26/01/2021 22:36

Yes you sound a bit batshit
Hth

toocold54 · 26/01/2021 22:37

Please don’t underestimate the trauma your h has went through tonight. He will need you near him.

This!

Your DH is a hero he has saved a life. There is no evidence the man had Covid and would probably have to do a test as soon as he goes in hospital anyway.

Imagine if the man started a thread saying he’s worried your DP may have given him Covid.

Covid is deadly but that doesn’t mean we forget other issues too.

Well done to your DP

partyatthepalace · 26/01/2021 22:37

Quite an OTT reaction there OP.

toocold54 · 26/01/2021 22:39

I would say homeless drug user population much more likely to be covid positive as unlikely to be distancing and will be mixing with lots of people. I don't mean that harshly but it's true.

I’d say the complete opposite - lives outdoors, doesn’t work and mix wit people, doesn’t have family members in his household mixing with other people at work or school, doesn’t go to the shops/use public transport as often etc

Mama1980 · 26/01/2021 22:40

I hope your husband is ok, such a shock for him. I hope the gentleman he helped also recovers.
Honestly I get the fear, but no way would I make him isolate. He will need a hug tonight.

blueberryporridge · 26/01/2021 22:43

My husband works abroad. Each time he has been home during the pandemic (only twice), he has quarantined at home for 10 days as per guidance. As we also wanted to reduce the risk of infection to our family, he slept in a separate bedroom, used a different bathroom (luckily we have two), and kept a distance of 2m where possible during the day. He also didn't cook for us etc. I think it would not be unreasonable for you to have a similar approach in your circumstance.

Shaniac · 26/01/2021 22:46

No good deed goes unpunished huh

katy1213 · 26/01/2021 22:46

Did anyone take your husband's contact details if the man tested positive?
I don't think you're being unreasonable. It's not a punishment, for heaven's sake, it's a precaution. Although you could always retreat to the spare room yourself.

Ilovenewyear · 26/01/2021 22:46

You lost me at having a child in your household that attends school. In terms of risk, that’s your biggest exposure. If you accept that, then you have no grounds on which to not have your DH back home.

oldegg123 · 26/01/2021 22:46

@toocold54

I would say homeless drug user population much more likely to be covid positive as unlikely to be distancing and will be mixing with lots of people. I don't mean that harshly but it's true.

I’d say the complete opposite - lives outdoors, doesn’t work and mix wit people, doesn’t have family members in his household mixing with other people at work or school, doesn’t go to the shops/use public transport as often etc

No - simply not true.

Homeless doesn't mean camping in the nice fresh air. It means huddling in doorways with others, squatting in houses of multiple occupancy, queuing at food banks, not being able to practise hand hygiene, sharing drug needles etc. Added to that is the homeless population tend to be at risk of immunosuppression anyway (drug use, malnutrition, cold exposure etc).

ilikebooksandplants · 26/01/2021 22:49

This is the most unreasonable post I think I’ve ever read on here, and that is certainly saying something.

angelaEhen · 26/01/2021 22:50

My husband gave chest compression to someone for an hour he was really traumatised and shook up for a few days after, of course you should let him home