To think inherited money is not family money

[Viviennemary]

There have been a lot of threads about partners not sharing their earnings when the other person earns less or is a SAHP. And of course money needs to be dealt with in a fair way and shared with the other person having access.

But what about inherited money. I think that belongs totally to the person inheriting. Of course if it was a huge sum you would probably give something to your partner but I certainly wouldn't think it was half theirs.

@donutscoff

off topic but for those with the big sums how are you all avoiding tax?

I've not avoided tax, paid inheritance taxes. There are circumstances where you can plan to avoid, but you really have to have a plan.

My dad sadly died less than 2 years after his mum so we were able to change her will so we didn't pay tax on the money she had left my dad. He didn't feel we should avoid tax on his estate, no issues with that, if you're paying inheritance tax you're in a pretty privileged position really.

I should be so lucky. Everything we have we had to work for. That included working overseas for a number of years to put a roof over our heads.

Dh and I both know that we will inherit from our parents. Anything I inherit from my dm I will decide what to do with it. My parents didn’t work all those years for me to frit it away on something like cars, but something that would benefit us all.
Dh can spend his inheritance how he wishes too, but again it’ll benefit us all. It’ll be investments as we currently own our house outright.

I was wondering if lots of posters had done the 7 yr thing

All money is family money. I brought a large amount of equity from a property into our marriage and then received a large redundancy payment shortly after marriage. My husband now earns a lot more than me and receives some good bonuses. I work part time due to ill health. All our money is joint money. It all goes into the pot. I'm not sure how we would separate it out even if we wanted to and i really don't understand why inheritances would be any different to any other money that you might bring into a relationship.

I do understand why people pool all their money. We do share all household expenses, however we each have our own investment portfolios. I alone have had a small inheritance so it just went straight in to that.

Years ago, my dad's mum died and he inherited about £8k... gave half to my mum. Last year, my mum received about £50k from the sale of her late father's house. My dad expected half of that... my mum gave him £4k. Truth is, my dad drank his own inheritance from his mum away, and would drink whatever my mum would give him from what she received from her own father. Would break her heart to see her father's money spent in such a way. My dad doesn't even have a bank account so £25k in cash is dodgy anyway.

Inherited money is family money. I suppose the person who inherited may decide they have a bigger say on what to soend it on, but with my husband all purchases over say, £1000, were discussed together. If the person who inherited 10,000, for example, wanted to give £2,500 to a person in need, I think that would be fine, but the rest should go in the family pot.

My mum has written in her will that any money left to me & my brother is not for spouse, it is for us & our children. I am just in the process of making a will & I will be putting clauses that any money going to ds is ringfenced for him & any future children, not partners ( he is gay) I also intend to buy a house when dm passes away, to be put in ds sole name when I die & a clause that if it is sold when I die the money is only for ds or his children.

My grandparents sat my mum & dad down & told them that any money they left was for my mum & should my mum have died before them then their money passed to me & my brother. They had bought my mum & dad their house. My parents have done the same.

Surely it depends on your circumstances . We don't own our own home so if one if us had a significant inheritance or windfall we would likely use it as deposit for a house which would then be in both names.
Other people with money may keep it separate, some people keep joint finances others separate
There is no right or wrong just what your both happy with.

My family have naff all money, so I'm not getting protective about a future inheritance - I have no agenda here.

To me, it does not sit right that inheritance becomes shared money.

In a normal world, if you are close enough to someone for them to leave you money, you must have an emotional bond, and you must rather have them in your life, alive than a pot of money. The cash is a bit like compensation - it's like when you lose a limb and insurance pays out. The cash can't put your life back to where you were before, some things are irreplaceable, but it's intended to make your life a bit less hard. Not someone else's - it's about your pain and suffering.

I mean, if you lose a parent, that's a special kind of grief. I don't think many people would feel the same way about losing an in-law.

Inheritance isn't earned per se, it goes to you because of a relationship you had, that no one else could have had. You built that relationship. It's your loss. It's your grief. And the person who leaves you the inheritance leaves it to you, not your partner.

With employment income, you earn that yourself, so if you want to share that with your partner, it's entirely your money to decide what to do with. (By marrying, you've decided to share it - that's what that contract does.) With inheritance, someone chose to leave that to you, and if you let someone else just take it, it feels like you've trampled over their wishes. (Legally, I think in many cases if you're married, your partner has a claim on it, but morally, I think that's wrong.)

I mean, if you want to share your inheritance, that's fine, but I think expecting to just have half of a partner's inheritance is poor taste. They've just lost someone special to them - the money is supposed to make up in some way for that loss. The source of the money is your partner's pain.

(But I wouldn't get married anyway, because at this point in my life, it makes zero sense. I would lose far rights more than I would gain. As has already been said, things get more complicated the older you get.)

I’m due a little bit of inheritance in the next couple months once all the legals are dealt with and I have already said it would go in the joint savings. Tbh I wouldn’t feel right having it all in my account. Not married but have a baby together. Will go towards mortgage or home repairs and a little will be transferred into babies ISA. Xx

Would always be my money.

I'd make sure it benefited us all but I'd also give some to my children (not his).

We have both already received some inheritance (circa 100k each) and will both receive more when the time comes.

He has other children who will receive his.

@Nat6999

My mum has written in her will that any money left to me & my brother is not for spouse, it is for us & our children. I am just in the process of making a will & I will be putting clauses that any money going to ds is ringfenced for him & any future children, not partners ( he is gay) I also intend to buy a house when dm passes away, to be put in ds sole name when I die & a clause that if it is sold when I die the money is only for ds or his children.

My grandparents sat my mum & dad down & told them that any money they left was for my mum & should my mum have died before them then their money passed to me & my brother. They had bought my mum & dad their house. My parents have done the same.

I think this is an excellent idea. Your partner would still benefit from living in a possible mortgage free house. There’s so many divorce stories I think there’s nothing wrong with thinking of no1.

We'll that's a wierd view. I our house all money is family money regardless of where it came from.

My mum has written in her will that any money left to me & my brother is not for spouse, it is for us & our children.

I find that very odd. But she can express any wish she likes. You don’t have to follow it, and your kids won’t have to follow it.

I inherited 10k when my Granny passed away and it just went straight into our joint savings account.

With inheritance, someone chose to leave that to you, and if you let someone else just take it, it feels like you've trampled over their wishes.
Really? If my parents left me money, ‘me’ would be a shortcut for ‘us’ and they’d know it would be used for my family. I would be doing exactly as they expected, not trampling all over their wishes.

@Nat6999

My mum has written in her will that any money left to me & my brother is not for spouse, it is for us & our children. I am just in the process of making a will & I will be putting clauses that any money going to ds is ringfenced for him & any future children, not partners ( he is gay) I also intend to buy a house when dm passes away, to be put in ds sole name when I die & a clause that if it is sold when I die the money is only for ds or his children.

My grandparents sat my mum & dad down & told them that any money they left was for my mum & should my mum have died before them then their money passed to me & my brother. They had bought my mum & dad their house. My parents have done the same.

If you’re married though it doesn’t matter what your mum thinks should be done with your inheritance - legally what’s yours is his etc...

We don’t have family money, maybe because we don’t have children? Any inheritance I got would be used for both of our benefits, I would certainly take dh on a trip or out for dinner but it would still be my money.

Dh and I have both inherited money in the last five years. He inherited a larger sum (about £250k) and I inherited just over £10k. In both cases we have used abour 2/3 of it as joint money and have kept 1/3 for ourselves. Clearly this means that DH has kept a much larger pot of money than I have, but since he's putting most of it towards his pension, I think that's totally fine. I possibly would be annoyed if he was using it to swan off on expensive holidays without me every year.

Alaimo

I’m assuming you’ll jointly benefit from his pension, though?

I don’t think it’s odd at all. Some people haven’t come from generations of wealth and have had to work hard. Everyone’s circumstances differ so I can understand someone wanting to leave their child money and not husband.

I have always earned more than DH and yet our money is completely shared with equal 'spending money' . If he inherited money and decided it was only for him I would not think that was fair

If you get divorced inherited money is treated differently but only if it is kept completely separate from the family money. If it is used at all towards the family then it becomes part of the marital pot and belongs to both husband and wife.