AIBU to think women never think they have 'time' for a breakdown?

[UndertheCedartree]

Bit of a wierd one...but I often see women in particular single mothers claim 'I don't have time for a breakdown' or even 'I don't have the luxury to have a breakdown'. I feel this feeds into women not giving priority to their mental health. I definitely felt I didn't have time for a breakdown...but it still happened! I had no control by the time my mental health was that bad.

@megletthesecond - yes, it is true my DC have their father. The thing is he actually has a serious mental illness too and it wasn't clear if he could cope. So I did feel I was the only parent who could look after them and petrified as to what would happen if I had a breakdown. In the event Social services had to step in as he wasn't able to just step in. Nevertheless with support he did really well at being there for them but he wasn't caring for them full time. So I do understand where you are coming from and urge you to seek support with your mental health. Because eventually you just cross a line and no matter how much you love your DC - you can't look after them anymore. I still feel horrendous guilt for what happened to my DC but ultimately I had no control over it.

@audweb - I agree.

Breakdown isn't a currently used medical term really-but a reasonable definition would be: being unable to carry on with normal day to day life. Personally I can't imagine feeling worse than I did with raging OCD (centred around possible harm to others), but the fact is that I wasn't psychotic and I wasn't sectioned, so there is no point in me comparing my experience to other people's and deciding that I am a "coper". I feel for the people who have for example suffered psychosis, or OCD or depression worse than mine, and it must be frustrating when people think they understand and offer some vague comparison of when they felt really stressed and pulled through. It is not the same and not helpful.

@Tehmina23 - that all sounds very difficult. I'm glad you have a phone appointment and can get some support with all that.

@HugeAckmansWife - I do think there is an issue of if you've not been around it you don't quite understand what a mental breakdown is. It's not being unable to ask for no olives - it's more like being in the restaurant crying because they put olives on your pizza despite not really being in a restaurant or having a pizza - in reality you are hallucinating on your sofa.

@PlanDeRaccordement - I'm really sorry to hear that but glad your treatment is working well. On a side note - when I was in hospital I used to sometimes pretend I was in a fancy 'retreat' to make myself feel better!

@Thelnebriati - thanks I'll have a look at that.

@Aneley - I think many of us experience that for many years before we have a full on breakdown. We keep pushing through...until we can't anymore. Please take care of yourself and seek help if you need it.

I agree.
I have to hide my mental health issues because I'm a single parent and my kids need me to be stable and strong.
They are teens so I have to be doubly careful about crying and quietly and putting on a pretense.

I had a breakdown aged 21 following years of abuse...it wasnt a case of not having the time for it although i must admit i am far busier now but thankfully in a relationship with a kind man.

@megletthesecond

I suppose it’s not massively different to if you had a physical health problem. It’s all very well saying that I rested at home and took antibiotic tablets while I had pneumonia whereas someone else needed to be admitted to hospital for IV antibiotics and oxygen. If you need the latter, you need it or you’ll probably die, whether you are a single parent or not. You cannot control your body and sometimes, you cannot control your mind.

@echoskey

“I don’t have time to be depressed”. The clarion call of people who disguise their problems by doing more “work” - usually cleaning.

Yes. Or cope in other unhealthy ways. Or take it out in everyone else.

@Haenow - yes, it is the same as a physical illness hitting you - you have no choice. Mental illnesses don't skip mothers the same as physical illnesses don't. Ultimately if there is noone to look after your DC - Social services will step in. And while that's not a nice thought - it's the reality. And you will hopefully all come out the other side realising how strong you all were to get through it. And how important self care really is rather than just 'getting on with it'.

I'm not comparing saying mental illness is like not being able to order in a restaurant. That's exactly my point. But the not able to order in a restaurant type of thing now gets conflated with actual mental illness /anxiety. You can no more help having a breakdown than you can a heart attack so clearly it makes no sense to say I don't have time for that. BUT, just as there are things you can do to actively work on your physical health and not take to your bed at every sniffle or ache, so I think some people are a bit more susceptible than others to similar mental health 'sniffles' if you like and if relatively ordinary things cause you serious issues thats something you could work on rather than shutting down whole sections of your life, just like I could work on my weight, fitness or flexibility. I'm probably not explaining it well but please don't think I don't 'get' it. I do and I sympathise with sufferers. I also think though that the 'can't order in a restaurant' type thing needs a bit more resolve and resilience rather than facilitating.

I'm a bit sensitive about this as I assume, a lot of people are who have suffered from severe mental health crisis and been dismissed.

In my case, I tried to get help but it wasn't forth coming and I had no support. I was completely alone as my mental health declined. I couldn't leave the house as my anxiety was so bad. I couldn't sleep. I was having panic attacks. I couldn't stop crying. I had to keep away from sharp objects as I was worried I was going to stab myself with them.

I managed to make it to my GP and she referred me to primary care. That appointment took three months. I was by myself in that state for about six months before I saw a psychiatrist for a diagnosis and was prescribed medication and it took a further two years to get therapy. It's not always a case of being able to do something about it. Unfortunately.

Before I was in an abusive relationship, I would roll my eyes at women and say they could just leave. Life isn't always that simple and when you haven't experienced a mental health crisis, it's easy to roll your eyes and say: I don't have time to have a breakdown.

[quote Haenow]@megletthesecond

I suppose it’s not massively different to if you had a physical health problem. It’s all very well saying that I rested at home and took antibiotic tablets while I had pneumonia whereas someone else needed to be admitted to hospital for IV antibiotics and oxygen. If you need the latter, you need it or you’ll probably die, whether you are a single parent or not. You cannot control your body and sometimes, you cannot control your mind.[/quote]
That's a very good comparaison I think.

You might be able to still cook and get on with it with a pneumonai and ABs.
You won't if you are at the point of being in hospital on a drip. Or you develop spesis etc....

It's the sort of thing I would say, because I have no comprehension of what real mental health distress is. If I look at my life so far, I would say it has been excessively stressful, however I am lucky enough to have a very stable mood and I just cope as best I can. Like everyone I am fearful of covid. One SIL died of it one died of cancer, both in December. I do feel as though I am on the edge now, and fearful for my family, but I really don't have time for a breakdown.

@HugeAckmansWife - thanks for explaining. I think I get what you're saying now.
@poppyzbrite4 - I'm so sorry to hear of your awful experience. I was lucky in that when I had my breakdown I was seeing an IAPT therapist who picked up quickly what was happening and started the ball rolling to get me help early on so I didn't have to wait too long I think about a month before I saw someone from the first response team. On my last appointment with the therapist who I'd become deeply attached to I went crazy and ended up being taken to A&E by ambulance. Unfortunately I was completely dismissed and ended up trying to take my life the next day. Luckily I didn't succeed. After having an appointment with First response I was told I needed to go into hospital which I agreed to. Unfortunately the system is if you are informal you have to go into an assessment centre which is a horrible place. You get treated like shit in there. My CPN was expecting me to be moved to a ward but after a week the psychiatrist discharged me saying there was nothing she could do for me. I came out feeling even more suicidal than when I went in. I tried to take my own life again and fortunately survived. My CPN wanted me back in hospital but I refused which led them to section me meaning I could go straight to a ward where the staff were lovely. That was the beginning of my recovery.

@samanthawashington - I'm so sorry to hear that. Please take care of yourself and ask for help if you need it. Because when a breakdown comes it doesn't care if you've got time for it.

@UndertheCedartree. Thank you. ❤️ I’m so sorry you had such a dreadful experience, and hope your recovery continues xxx

Sorry, wrong thread I've reported to ask to remove