I am one of 4 children, a lot younger than my siblings. My parents were 18 when they married, each desperate to escape a hated mother, and it did not make for a happy family - all of the kids have been estranged from the family at some point. As an adult I worked through a lot of stuff and reconciled with my mother, spending the last 10 years living near her, and helping nurse her for the last few. My brother lives in the same town but cut off contact with my mum about 10 years ago, which was devastating to her. He could have made contact at any time, as my sister and mother have lived in the same houses since before he cut himself off. He has always been the type of person who takes no responsibility for his actions, uses what ever he can get his hands on, and sponges off (or steals) from the people around him. I have spent hours listening to her when she wanted to talk about this, and when it became obvious she was dying, offered to go and find him. She said she didn't want the hassle, but I think it would have been heart-breaking if she know he knew how ill she was and didn't respond. I have another sister who lives overseas, who is very similar to my brother but even more so. We have not talked to for about 4 years, since she told me she was going to 'go out for a slap up meal and celebrate that woman's death' when talking about my mother. I pointed out that, not only was that a horrible sentiment about anyone, but she was also talking about my mother and she hung up. So, the question is -now mum has died should I try to track them down to tell them? I don't want to, but part of me feels really bad about the whole situation.
AIBU?
Not to tell siblings about mothers death?
SunsetSenora · 23/01/2021 19:34
Sorry for your loss OP 
I think you definitely need to tell them your mother has now died but don’t accept anything horrible they might have to say about her or her passing.
I'm sorry for your loss. Having been in this situation (with an extremely abusive mother), I swallowed my grit, womanned up and phoned my sibling/dad even though I never wanted to talk to any of them again. It was super awkward but I have a clear conscience. By contrast my aunt didn't tell her dad that his estranged ex wife had died. I think that's abominable. It doesn't matter what your siblings think of your mum, or what you think of them, they deserve to know she has died and what they do with that information is not your responsibility.
There is no inheritance - we have never been that well off.
I know this will sound awful, but I don't think that's such a bad thing here. I used to work in probate. If you sprinkle a little bit of money in a situation like this, it's like a gunpowder keg. Although you might still find them thinking there is.
I would bite the bullet. I don't think it's something you should really break by text. I would call them and cut it short at the first sign of nastiness.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You shouldn't have to deal with this on top 
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