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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this weird?

121 replies

Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 18:19

My husband is self employed, he had finished a job and instead of coming home went and parked on a car park for 2 hours before coming home, he did this as he said someone was meant to be coming out to the job to look at it so he needed to be local to it, I only found out as he has had a fine for being parked there for to long. I think this is weird but he says it's normal. Is it weird?

OP posts:

Ferrylights · 23/01/2021 21:19

@saraclara

I know people are saying that they take some 'me time' in their cars sometimes. But THREE HOURS? In the middle of winter?

^This ^

Henio · 23/01/2021 21:20

Surely though if he got a fine it would mean he wasn't actually in the car? Otherwise he would have gone and paid for a ticket?

fizzandchips · 23/01/2021 21:40

OP I never had time to myself so I hear you. Last year during half term my husband’s relatives were visiting and my husband took annual leave. I had tidied house, bought and prepped all meals etc. I was offered a cancellation hospital appointment that week so on the day I left them all to it and went by myself. Our hospital has unpredictable waiting times, but on this day I was in and out in less than 20mins. On the way back to the car I realised no one would know and so I went to the cafe bought a coffee and a magazine and sat in the car park for at least an hour. It was bliss.
I understand your frustration, especially during this current situation and if I hadn’t done that that day I would think it was odd, but I can see why he (selfishly) did it, because you feel like you’re getting away with some peace and quiet and at that moment it’s all you can think of.
Ask for a long lie tomorrow morning or take yourself off for a walk by yourself (if you can). You’re right. You do deserve some peace and quiet too.

Dopeyduck · 23/01/2021 22:06

He was more likely to be eating a McDonald’s and reading useless shit on his phone than meeting another woman if he’s anything like my DP.
He wouldn’t have phoned me or messaged either and we stay in contact regularly.
He is also working as normal and so am I (emergency services).
In fact at the moment I know he’s at boiling point and feels as though he’s had no time to relax and enjoy anything and life is relentless and boring all at the same time. I’d not be at all surprised he took this opportunity if it presented itself.

Cut your DH some slack. If you never get time off and you need a break you need to address this with him directly.

toocold54 · 23/01/2021 22:14

Of course, he could also have been meeting someone in that car park who he wouldn't want to mention to you.

Or parking and going into someone’s house was my first thought which is how he ran over the time and got the fine.

MissMarpleDarling · 23/01/2021 22:16

I'd think it was weird if my partner did it. Id assume he met someone.

luxxlisbon · 23/01/2021 22:22

Some people are missing the point by complaining about how long it was or that it was ‘me time’ but he was working!
The husband was on a job and finished, but someone else was supposed to look at the job and he needed to be there with them. It sounds like there was a window for this and no completely set time so it was easier to stay local. In all likelihood the husband probably didn’t the think he would be waiting as long as he did.

OP if you immediately leap to this being weird or suspicious then there are clearly other deeper problems that need to be addressed in your relationship. This in itself isn’t particularly weird.

mummytolittledragons · 23/01/2021 22:29

I've never done this op but I have been tempted, simply just to have some peace from my mad house

Yokey · 23/01/2021 22:41

This is exactly the kind of thing I would do even before the pandemic and even without needing to wait for someone.

Doesn't mean it's not suspicious. Depends what type of guy he is. Could just be like me.

Original poster

Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 22:43

I would have just gone home and if need a be gone back, I had already told him how I was struggling. The person that was meant to be going to the job didn't even go. I always put myself last and wouldn't think to do that if my husband was struggling but it seems like that's what I should be doing

OP posts:

toocold54 · 23/01/2021 22:59

The husband was on a job and finished, but someone else was supposed to look at the job and he needed to be there with them. It sounds like there was a window for this and no completely set time so it was easier to stay local. In all likelihood the husband probably didn’t the think he would be waiting as long as he did.

2 hours is a long time to wait though and I would have thought that DP would come in moaning that he’d had to wait over 2 hours for someone and they didn’t turn up but he didn’t mention it.

peboh · 23/01/2021 23:09

But he was at work, so surely he's not expected home during his working hours? So he waited whilst out at work.
Op you need to stop complaining about not getting time for yourself and actually do something about getting time for yourself. Complaining about it isn't getting you anywhere.

Original poster

Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 23:15

I'm not complaining. He doesn't have a set time to finish. He finishes when he has done what he has done for the day.

OP posts:

Charley50 · 23/01/2021 23:15

I think he's selfish. Are all four kids his? Can you speak to him about getting some time for yourself? Could be he was cheating, but probably just selfish bell-end who can't be arsed to care for his own partner and children.

Original poster

Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 23:18

Yes all four are his. People seem to think that I have a problem with him having space, it's not that, it's the fact I haven't been coping very well and he has chosen to do this and why wouldn't he come home and say something like i finished at 11 but had to hang around for the bloke to come out, he has said this in the past.

OP posts:

WoolieLiberal · 23/01/2021 23:37

If you have got trust issues here perhaps you could ask him to agree to install a tracker app on his phone so you can see where he is at any time?

It sounds like you’re more annoyed at the possible fact that he’s used the car to have some free time when you don’t get any though?

CSIblonde · 24/01/2021 00:31

He was waiting for someone to come check the job? I assume they kept him waiting/got delayed and the ticket was when he'd turned up & your DH had left the car to met them there. Unless he's going AWOL fairly often I wouldn't worry re an affair or think he's wanting 'me' time tbh.

Thegreymethod · 24/01/2021 01:29

I think the people commenting on here saying he must have been meeting a woman are really weird and really cruel, you don't know this man or his wife you just know a tiny amount of details and are jumping to conclusions.
OP I don't think it's that weird, a bit unfair yes as it sounds like you're having a hard time (I'm also homeschooling 4 children too whilst my husbands works long hours so I know how hard it is) but maybe he just thought it wasn't worth coming home to go straight back out again when he got the phone call. Earlier I went to get us a take away and the lady who served me said it'd be 40 mins if I wanted to go home then come back so I got in the car to drive the 5 minutes to my house and then thought what's the point of going home just to hang around waiting to come back out so I just sat and listened to a pod cast, it really could be an innocent reason he did it.

MeepleMe · 24/01/2021 01:55

I once had a job where I worked 9-12, then 3-6. Between 12 and 3 I could have gone 20 minutes home but I also might have been needed to return to work. I used to just sit in the car, reading, listening to music, maybe a stroll. So your DP's actions don't sound odd to me. However what is odd, is his lying about it. I'd not be happy with that. But I'd presume trying to avoid home schooling chaos from what you've said, rather than affair, unless there's other doubts you've been harbouring.

fairydust11 · 24/01/2021 08:44

Op to me it doesn’t add up. If he was sitting waiting in a car to meet a work colleague then he would’ve just drove off when he saw a traffic warden or would’ve got out & bought a ticket. If it was a car park where they take a photo of you entering & leaving in case you go over - they are usually 2 1/2 to 3 hours long, I haven’t seen any less time than that, although that doesn’t mean there aren’t any. Have you looked up the car park to see if it was pay & display or numberplate recognition? And timings for how long you can park there?

owmn · 24/01/2021 09:00

It may be completely innocent but I don’t think you’re wrong to wonder OP, I know I would. Especially as that’s surely the kind of thing you’d mention when you came in? ‘Sat waiting for 2 hours for Bob to come and inspect the job and he didn’t even turn up!’

What I don’t understand, is if someone was going to inspect the job he’d just finished, why would he not stay parked wherever he was during the working day? Why move to a paid car park to stay close by when he’s obviously been parked closer to the job all day?

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