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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this weird?

121 replies

Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 18:19

My husband is self employed, he had finished a job and instead of coming home went and parked on a car park for 2 hours before coming home, he did this as he said someone was meant to be coming out to the job to look at it so he needed to be local to it, I only found out as he has had a fine for being parked there for to long. I think this is weird but he says it's normal. Is it weird?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 20:21

I just don't trust him, he spends alot of time on his phone, I found some screen shots of a woman on his phone and when I googled her she has only fans and stuff. He said he always accidentally takes screen shots and he was just scrolling through something

OP posts:
1FootInTheRave · 23/01/2021 20:23

I'd be suspicious.

Going to hazard a guess that there are other issues.

Original poster
Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 20:23

He can't work from home in his job. He would literally have just been sitting in his car

OP posts:
Lipz · 23/01/2021 20:24

@Mum2346

I asked where he was on the day and he said where he was working and I said why don't you tell the truth and he said I am and then I showed him the letter
And did he explain why he lied?
Original poster
Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 20:25

He said he had forgot

OP posts:
3rdNamechange · 23/01/2021 20:28

@Mum2346

I don't get time for myself, it doesn't work like that.
Why not ?
toocold54 · 23/01/2021 20:29

I have sat in my car and waited for things many times but never for 2 hours.

If he is genuine then this must happen a lot else he would be annoyed that he had to wait around for so long so it’s either a normal part of his job or he finished early and wanted some alone time.

The only thing that would make it suspicious was if he parked his car and then returned late to it but there’d be no way of finding this out.

lilroo87 · 23/01/2021 20:31

@Mum2346 with the screenshots of the woman with an onlyfans account, I'd say maybe he was sat in his car looking on there at this woman or porn maybe.
You definitely need to make time for yourself, when he comes from from work or at the weekend you should just go out on your own

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 23/01/2021 20:32

4 kids at home and yep, I'd do this too.

Original poster
Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 20:33

The date of the pictures was before this and they was in his deleted folder

OP posts:
Original poster
Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 20:36

I used to have time to myself when the kids was at school

OP posts:
lilroo87 · 23/01/2021 20:36

But he could still be subscribed to her onlyfans or someone else's I guess. That could be the only time he gets to have a look and as you found deleted pics before he definitely wouldn't do that again.

Original poster
Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 20:37

He does get away from the house every single day, also he doesn't do a lot for the kids if anything when he gets home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 20:38

I don't know, I put her name into Google and it said she was on only fans. The picture isn't off there

OP posts:
Ihatefish · 23/01/2021 20:40

I’ve just sat in my car for. Half an hour before to get time to myself

lilroo87 · 23/01/2021 20:40

It's pretty odd. If you don't trust him then I'd talk to him about it all. You don't want to be paranoid worrying if he's not actually at work and sat somewhere talking to other women or not!
Maybe you'll feel better by being able to just get away on your own

itwillbehormones · 23/01/2021 20:42

You say "you don't get time to yourself" like he's not allowed. Why don't you take time?

I often sit in car parks, go for drives or do a food shop and sit on my phone for 30 before going home, I also sit in the bath most evenings for a hour to get away?

You need to take the time, not just stop him having time.

Original poster
Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 20:44

I'm not trying to stop him but at least 2 hours sat on a car park doing nothing and lying about it is odd to me

OP posts:
BusterTheBulldog · 23/01/2021 20:50

I’m often parked in lay-bys / car parks after client meetings to do emails post and pre meetings, I don’t think it’s weird at all. But if there’s other things that make you suspicious then that’s something else...

shiningstar2 · 23/01/2021 21:00

If he was waiting in the car park because of someone coming to see the job he had done could the fine be contested? We are all allowed to be out and about to do our work. If meeting this person was a part of his working day which couldn't be avoided surely he shouldn't have to pay a fine? Presumably the person who was meant to be coming out to look at the job could confirm that this was the intention?

I can see though, as others have said, that in these covid mad days he might have just needed a quiet chill out before coming home.

shiningstar2 · 23/01/2021 21:02

Of course, he could also have been meeting someone in that car park who he wouldn't want to mention to you. Only you know how likely this is op but the other options are also feasible Flowers

Firsttimecatlady · 23/01/2021 21:06

@Mum2346

I just want to know if men do things like this. Surely he would just come home. He is saying it's normal. I don't think it is
If MEN do things like this?! God, I do this at the moment- go out to pick up the shopping, then get a coffee from a drive through and go and park up with a newspaper for an hours peace before venturing back into the fray. Pretty sure husband isn’t suspicious, and is probably a bit jealous! ;)
BaggoMcoys · 23/01/2021 21:09

I understand needing alone time, but if that's what it was then it's selfish of him to do so when he knows that you're getting any time for yourself. It would be better to come to an arrangement between you so that both of you get a fair amount of time.

I don't believe he "forgot" that he'd sat in his car for two hours doing nothing. And I think it's strange that he didn't realise he'd been there for long enough to get fined. I'd be suspicious because of the picture you found on his phone, but even if it were just a need to be alone I'd be pretty pissed off that he did it without a thought for your needs, and that he lied about it too!

saraclara · 23/01/2021 21:10

I know people are saying that they take some 'me time' in their cars sometimes. But THREE HOURS? In the middle of winter?

Gncq · 23/01/2021 21:19

I'd feel miffed to be honest, like he's basically checking out of his family life.