Page 3 | Is this weird?

Mum2346 · 2021-01-23T18:19:06+00:00

My husband is self employed, he had finished a job and instead of coming home went and parked on a car park for 2 hours before coming home, he did this as he said someone was meant to be coming out to the job to look at it so he needed to be local to it, I only found out as he has had a fine for being parked there for to long. I think this is weird but he says it's normal. Is it weird?

TiersForFears1 · 23/01/2021 19:33

ask

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 23/01/2021 19:35

What id find weird is that he was there and could've easily paid the fees, why not pay and get fined?

spidermomma · 23/01/2021 19:35

Wierd

nancy75 · 23/01/2021 19:37

[quote CherryBlossomTree7]@nancy75 it's very strange IMO to sit in the car for hours on your own rather than go and spend time with your partner. If this is something you enjoy, each to their own. The OP asked if it's weird and yes, I think it's weird and makes me think he's doing something suspicious like meeting a woman.[/quote]
We’ve both been furloughed for months, I’ve seen more of my DH in the last year than I have in the whole rest of my life, he was probably happy to be rid of me too!

scrivette · 23/01/2021 19:38

Sometimes I sit in the car park in the car for 10
minutes when I go shopping for some peace.

I can see that it could have a simple explanation, but if you have reason to distrust him then I can see that it may be an odd thing to do.

44PumpLane · 23/01/2021 19:40

The OP has said she is home schooling 4 children and that her husband got home at normal time, so it seems obvious to me he is avoiding home responsibilities by staying out.

If he had come home 2 hours early for the day he may have been expected to contribute to family life, so instead he had himself a nice cushy early finish (so I'd assume this happens with some regularity), then he gets to come home pretending he's been sooooo busy and take himself off for a nap thus avoiding having to do any parenting again.

If he usually contributes to family life and parenting I actually wouldn't resent this if you believe it's a rarity as sometimes you do just need the silence of sitting in a car at the minute, but if he's a slacker of a parent and you think this is probably something he does often I would be walking out the house as soon as he walks in a couoke times a week!!

TiersForFears1 · 23/01/2021 19:42

@spidermomma

Wierd

You were correct first time round.

Original poster

Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 19:42

@44PumpLane

The OP has said she is home schooling 4 children and that her husband got home at normal time, so it seems obvious to me he is avoiding home responsibilities by staying out.

If he had come home 2 hours early for the day he may have been expected to contribute to family life, so instead he had himself a nice cushy early finish (so I'd assume this happens with some regularity), then he gets to come home pretending he's been sooooo busy and take himself off for a nap thus avoiding having to do any parenting again.

If he usually contributes to family life and parenting I actually wouldn't resent this if you believe it's a rarity as sometimes you do just need the silence of sitting in a car at the minute, but if he's a slacker of a parent and you think this is probably something he does often I would be walking out the house as soon as he walks in a couoke times a week!!

Thank you, you seem to have understood exactly what I am thinking. Even if he wasn't upto no good I still think it's weird but it looks like I am wrong from what most people have said.

OP posts:

elizabethdraper · 23/01/2021 19:46

This is how my counsellor explained it
Some people recharge by being alone and others recharge by being with other people

I need to be alone, my husband needs to be other people to recharge

Basically he is a sucubus draining me, to refill himself

My counsellor has said sitting in your car alone and telling a white lie is ok. Its self care.

I need alone time if not I will explode.

Carysmatthews · 23/01/2021 19:48

My first thought is that he was maybe meeting a woman. I have a suspicious mind though.

Twickerhun · 23/01/2021 19:49

Op you need to have an equal chance to get out and have some personal time and space space. That’s what I would be focusing on

RoosterTheRoost · 23/01/2021 19:50

Wanting peace and quiet isn’t weird

Butchyrestingface · 23/01/2021 19:57

@Mum2346

I don't get time for myself, it doesn't work like that.

Think I'd be more pissed about that than the prospect of him meeting a woman. But maybe I'M just weird.

If he's playing silly buggers in the house ruining any attempts for YOU to get some peace, can you not just fill a flask, charge your kindle and take yourself off for some I vant to be alone time?

Butchyrestingface · 23/01/2021 19:58

@RoosterTheRoost

Wanting peace and quiet isn’t weird

It is when you think your wife isn't entitled to the same.

DeciduousPerennial · 23/01/2021 20:04

It’s weird

ChristOnAPeloton · 23/01/2021 20:04

Weird was the wrong word to use IMO. Selfish would’ve been better.

And yes he is.

partyatthepalace · 23/01/2021 20:08

It’s not weird. He could crack on with paperwork or just have a nap before the guy came to check. No point driving home and coming right out again.

To the PPs suggesting an affair - I think it’s unlikely he’s shagging in a carpark in daylight....

FFSAllTheGoodOnesArereadyTaken · 23/01/2021 20:09

I am not sure you asked the right question OP.

Is this weird? Not at all, most people need time alone, I am staying up late as it's the only time alone I get, and I'm so tired, but I need it to wind down mentally.

Is this incredibly selfish when you have a partner at home who has been home schooling all day and also needs some down time? Yes, and even more so if it's done in secret

lovelywhitesnow · 23/01/2021 20:10

I think it's weird that he came home that day and went to bed for a sleep. I'm wondering if he's been at it with OW and needed to sleep it off when he got home, as men do.... sorry but I'm suspicious.

I'd definitely be keeping my cards close to my chest but keeping an eye out on the quiet.

YukoandHiro · 23/01/2021 20:12

Right @44PumpLane - it's not weird, but it is infuriating

nzeire · 23/01/2021 20:13

I love sitting quietly in the car!

Lipz · 23/01/2021 20:16

What did he say when you showed him the letter?

Original poster

Mum2346 · 23/01/2021 20:19

I asked where he was on the day and he said where he was working and I said why don't you tell the truth and he said I am and then I showed him the letter

OP posts:

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 23/01/2021 20:19

When you say theres other issues/you dont trust him, what are these issues?

VenusTiger · 23/01/2021 20:19

I don't think it's weird in the slightest, especially now. I don't think you can compare you 'not being able to get alone time' either - as he decided it's what he needed at the time (presuming that's why he did it) - if you need alone time, take it when he's home - you go and sit in a supermarket carpark for 2hrs - it'll do wonders.
I did it a few times when I was still living at home - just wanted chilled time with my thoughts.

@McCorona - it might be annoying for you yes, but it's not weird at all - private phonecalls with work, without background noises at home - or being shut away because you're being loud on the phone - sounds perfectly reasonable to me - there's also the fact, he might want to finish work in the car, and leave the day behind him when he walks through his front door.
WFH is not for everyone.