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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Really worried about dc's behaviour?

96 replies

OtterAtTheZoo · 23/01/2021 16:05

My ds is 3 years and 2 months old and I'm worried about his ability to talk and his behaviour. He can say single words like different animals, objects (like book, ball, train, car, different toys, household items), different food items. He knows the colours and can count to twenty and knows the alphabet. He can answer basic factual questions “What is this?” “What colour is this?” giving one word answers and can repeat things on tv or stories from memory but doesn’t really say anything that is his own idea. He will bring the correct book if we ask "bring postman bear" for example. Pronunciation is quite poor. Alot sounds like gibberish. Like he was in the bath and I think he was repeating the gruffalo book aloud but most was gibberish and could only make out words like big bad mouse and gruffalo. He doesn’t really use words to communicate, just makes moans and grunts. Only exception so far is he can point to the drawing set and say “painting” when he wants to draw. He doesn't say hungry, thirsty, tired or toilet to communicate needs to us. So he isn't potty trained. He pees on the toilet in the morning or during the day occasionally if we manage to take him at the right time. He seems to never respond to his name and seems to only obey when it is something he wants to do anyway.
He can assemble 20 - 35 piece jigsaw puzzles on his own and do tablet games. He is very energetic and loves to run around or jump on sofa and climb on furniture. He is just starting to understand tidying up and sometimes helps if he sees you put things away. He doesn't engage in compulsive sorting. He has no problem with noise, physical contact with people and affection. He does like some things repeatedly like reading certain books.
If he has a tantrum he will fall to the floor and groan or say “help me, help me”. He can be happy running around, fall and maybe will go into tantrum mode for 30 min or will be just fine. It is hard to predict.

He hasn’t had contact with other children because of coronavirus lockdown and I am a sahm so he is not in nursery.
I don’t know if this is any indication of a problem or he is just a very stubborn child who’s a bit behind with communication.

I try to talk lots during the day, explaining what I am doing. We read everyday to him. Do paintings, playdoh, stickers, lego and trains with him. Trying to do simple games with him like pop up dragon game but he doesn't understand taking turns. We take him for walks outside and he runs arounds and like to pick up things like flowers. He isn't that interested in swings and slides. Is there anything else we could be doing? I'm worried I am not doing enough/ because I'm a bad mother.
Does this sound familiar to anyone? Any advice? He was supposed to have a hearing test last year but it was cancelled due to coronavirus. I don't think it's his hearing. Then later last year they put us on waiting list for speech therapy and it starts at the end of next February with online group sessions. Is there anyone else we can see? Should we privately see a speech therapist or child psychologist or something? Thank you for reading and appreciate any advice.

OP posts:
OtterAtTheZoo · 23/01/2021 16:26

Forgot to mention if you tell him no/ not to do something he will try to hit you sometimes or have a tantrum.

OP posts:
Robbybobtail · 23/01/2021 16:30

He sounds like a pretty normal 3 yr old to me! I just wonder if lack of interaction with other children has stilted his speech slightly. Do you let him watch CBeebies? This will provide him with some extra age appropriate speech stimulation.

Sorry I’m not expert but from what you’ve said he sounds like a lovely, energetic and rambunctious little boy (much like mine were!) and you sound like you are doing great with him at a very difficult time. Feel so sorry for people with little ones atm.

Robbybobtail · 23/01/2021 16:34

Forgot to mention if you tell him no/ not to do something he will try to hit you sometimes or have a tantrum.

3 out of 4 of mine all did this btw (only one was an absolute angel!) it really is normal - he is pushing boundaries and there would be a certain amount of this kind of thing anyway if he was nursery. Just get down to his level, tell him calmly “no, that’s not nice” and move away from him. He will grow out of it it’s honestly nothing to worry about.

Bluekangaroo123 · 23/01/2021 16:36

Sounds like a normal three year old to me OP

OtterAtTheZoo · 23/01/2021 16:37

Robbybobtail thanks for the reply. I'm worried about his lack of interaction with other children. With lockdown the playgroups I took him to are closed or online. He doesn't respond much to people talking online, like when I Skype my parents he isn't interested. Not sure what to do about it until lockdown is over.
Not watched CBeebies, I'll check it out thanks.

OP posts:
Tohaveandtohold · 23/01/2021 16:38

If he’s entitled to the 15 free hours now that he’s 3, it might be a good idea to start him at nursery. You’ll be surprised at how much they learn in groups of children of similar ages.

DinosaurDiana · 23/01/2021 16:39

Does he have any contact with other children, such as family members ?
It’s really important to play with other children so he can learn to take turns and share, and to learn to interact with people of his own age.

OtterAtTheZoo · 23/01/2021 16:42

He doesn't have any siblings and is the only child in the family. Can I put him in nursery for just the 15 hours and in lockdown if I'm a sahm?

OP posts:
Robbybobtail · 23/01/2021 16:42

I know some on here will say tv is the devils work but my dc learnt so much from watching CBeebies at that age. It is aimed at children your ds’s age and very much learning-focused - and if it helps to know - my dc’s are all now doing very well academically at high-achieving private schools so it didn’t do them any harm!

I honestly think once he starts nursery you’ll see a huge leap in his speech too, but honestly, he sounds great (wish mine were still that age!)

Robbybobtail · 23/01/2021 16:44

Does it just depend on whether your local nursery is open? I would definitely enquire.

hiredandsqueak · 23/01/2021 16:45

Have you tried giving a running commentary on what he is doing so it gives him words to match to his actions? It's tricky at first but gets easier quickly. Much of what you say especially him reading a book and being unhappy about no sounds pretty typical to me. I think the noy asking or letting his needs be known is possibly more concerning so I'd work on giving him ways to be able to ask for food or drink first.

OtterAtTheZoo · 23/01/2021 16:48

Yeah that's a big concern that he doesn't communicate his needs to us.
Any advice on how to encourage him to say when he is hungry or needs the toilet etc?

OP posts:
BlueSuffragette · 23/01/2021 16:50

He can attend nursery for free for 15 hours each week starting the term following his third birthday. It doesn't matter that you are a SAHM he can still access a free nursery place. The interaction with other children will be good for him. All children can attend nursery during this lockdown.

Porcupineintherough · 23/01/2021 16:55

I hate to be the one to cast a shadow, but I would find the lack of speech/communication worrying at that age. Does he point to show you something? Does he enjoy pretend play? Trying nursery sounds like a good idea. I'd also be talking to my doctor about a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

PinkyU · 23/01/2021 16:56

To those saying the OP’s child sounds like a typical 3 year old, do you know many 3 year olds who don’t ask for food or water?

@OtterAtTheZoo speak to your HV or doctor about your concerns. There are some developmental anomalies that you’ve mentioned, that in my personal and professional opinion, I’d want to be professionally monitored.

BlueSuffragette · 23/01/2021 16:57

You can make and use visual pictues cues to help him communicate. When he bring you a picture of food, a drink, outside, the toilet etc say the word and then put it in a short sentence so he hears it. Eg outside, you want to play outside?

Tiquismiquis · 23/01/2021 16:58

His behaviour sounds like any other 3 yo but I’d be tempted to see a salt privately tbh. I’d be interested to see how effective group sessions are online. If they are education for you, that’s one thing, if there is an expectation of a 3yo engaging that will be v challenging.

My 4yo has been referred to salt by school for some minor pronunciation issues that no-one else has noticed (she also doesn’t shut up so we were a bit surprised she met the threshold for a referral ). I’d definitely want a 3yo seen with what you’ve said but at least if he’s older in the school year you’ve got a while until school.

Bourbonbiccy · 23/01/2021 17:00

I agree it's concerning he doesn't tell you what his needs are. He will obviously struggle to potty train if he can't tell you he needs a wee. The book "oh crap" is great for potty training.

You do have to remember all children do things at different ages, but personally I would see a private speech therapist to put your mind at rest and they will also give you tools on how to positively encourage his speech.

Being a SAHP is not an issue, if you are talking with him and he was attending playgroups he will be fine, obviously if you prefer him to go then send him though.

rhowton · 23/01/2021 17:03

Not at all normal speech for a 3 year old. Call HV and get seen!

OtterAtTheZoo · 23/01/2021 17:14

If he wants water he brings his empty cup to me or his dad to be filled. Then I say are you thirsty but he still doesn't say thirsty. Sometimes he grabs my hand and takes me to kitchen door when he is hungry or most days he goes to the fruit bowl to get a banana and brings it to me to open. Then I say are you hungry but it still doesn't say hungry. He points to the art box, playdoh box and a Paddington bear puzzle that's out of reach and says painting, playdoh or bear while pointing. He will also bring a book or a dvd (like clangers or Thomas) he wants to read or watch. He has sometimes said "read" while passing me the book.

OP posts:
OtterAtTheZoo · 23/01/2021 17:15

What is salt?

OP posts:
Lucieintheskye · 23/01/2021 17:17

If you don't feel safe sending him to Nursery just yet, or aren't able to, get him watching cbeebies and other educational videos on youtube. Numberblocks/alphablocks are great, as well as Mr Tumble.

Your LO sounds like a perfectly normal 3 year old. Remember that no 2 children are the same, every child develops at a different pace and there shouldn't be such harsh expectations of every child when they are happy and healthy.

Could you learn some simple Makaton/sign language for things like food/toilet/cuddle? He may choose to express himself better using a different form of communication than speech. I'm sure you can find baby signing examples on youtube, it doesn't have to be in depth and expect it to not happen straight away.

Do you speak to him in full sentences? Reinforce what he says etc? For example, if you asked him 'What's this, Billy?' and he said 'ball' would you then say 'Yes, it's a ball, and what colour is the ball?' ? Reinforcing his vocabulary by saying yes/no to signify if he got something right could help. The same as if he comes up to you with his arms up, before picking him up you ask 'Would you like a cuddle Billy?' and then say the word cuddle while you cuddle him e.g. 'This is a nice cuddle' So he gets used to relating the word with the action. Sometimes you almost have to pretend you're speaking to a child who will give you a full sentence answer to your question.

'Billy, can you bring Mummy the Postman Bear book?' is a much better way of challenging him than saying 'Bring Postman Bear'.

Do you ask him throughout the day if he needs to use the toilet? If not, start asking maybe 2/3 times an hour. Take him to sit on the toilet if he hasn't been in a while.

I doubt you need to see a child psychologist, if anything the speech therapist will help, even if it's just to give you some exercises you can do at home with him. He doesn't sound as though he needs any psychological support though, he sounds like a happy, bubbly little boy. You may find as he develops his speech, communication and language skills, other things will fall into place like his interest in sorting, tidying, etc.

Jessbow · 23/01/2021 17:17

Sounds an odd thing to say but....
Does he get his needs met without talking ie does he have a need to?

If you gave him his lunch without say, cutlery....can he verbalise that he needs it - even if its one word?

If he can do his colours and knows the alphabet, he clearly has the ABILITY to speak, does he have the NEED?

OtterAtTheZoo · 23/01/2021 17:17

rhowton
What do I ask HV? Waiting for speech therapy sessions in February. Do I ask for child psychologist or doctor to check him?

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 23/01/2021 17:17

If you're at all worried then I'd suggest running your concerns past a Health Visitor... if only to put your mind at rest.
Please don't sit at home worrying.

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