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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Really worried about dc's behaviour?

96 replies

OtterAtTheZoo · 23/01/2021 16:05

My ds is 3 years and 2 months old and I'm worried about his ability to talk and his behaviour. He can say single words like different animals, objects (like book, ball, train, car, different toys, household items), different food items. He knows the colours and can count to twenty and knows the alphabet. He can answer basic factual questions “What is this?” “What colour is this?” giving one word answers and can repeat things on tv or stories from memory but doesn’t really say anything that is his own idea. He will bring the correct book if we ask "bring postman bear" for example. Pronunciation is quite poor. Alot sounds like gibberish. Like he was in the bath and I think he was repeating the gruffalo book aloud but most was gibberish and could only make out words like big bad mouse and gruffalo. He doesn’t really use words to communicate, just makes moans and grunts. Only exception so far is he can point to the drawing set and say “painting” when he wants to draw. He doesn't say hungry, thirsty, tired or toilet to communicate needs to us. So he isn't potty trained. He pees on the toilet in the morning or during the day occasionally if we manage to take him at the right time. He seems to never respond to his name and seems to only obey when it is something he wants to do anyway.
He can assemble 20 - 35 piece jigsaw puzzles on his own and do tablet games. He is very energetic and loves to run around or jump on sofa and climb on furniture. He is just starting to understand tidying up and sometimes helps if he sees you put things away. He doesn't engage in compulsive sorting. He has no problem with noise, physical contact with people and affection. He does like some things repeatedly like reading certain books.
If he has a tantrum he will fall to the floor and groan or say “help me, help me”. He can be happy running around, fall and maybe will go into tantrum mode for 30 min or will be just fine. It is hard to predict.

He hasn’t had contact with other children because of coronavirus lockdown and I am a sahm so he is not in nursery.
I don’t know if this is any indication of a problem or he is just a very stubborn child who’s a bit behind with communication.

I try to talk lots during the day, explaining what I am doing. We read everyday to him. Do paintings, playdoh, stickers, lego and trains with him. Trying to do simple games with him like pop up dragon game but he doesn't understand taking turns. We take him for walks outside and he runs arounds and like to pick up things like flowers. He isn't that interested in swings and slides. Is there anything else we could be doing? I'm worried I am not doing enough/ because I'm a bad mother.
Does this sound familiar to anyone? Any advice? He was supposed to have a hearing test last year but it was cancelled due to coronavirus. I don't think it's his hearing. Then later last year they put us on waiting list for speech therapy and it starts at the end of next February with online group sessions. Is there anyone else we can see? Should we privately see a speech therapist or child psychologist or something? Thank you for reading and appreciate any advice.

OP posts:
Cornetttttto · 23/01/2021 17:18

Contact HV ASAP. A SALT (speech and language therapist) referral might be an avenue. A three year old should be able to use 3 or 4 words to make sentences that convey meaning.

Lucieintheskye · 23/01/2021 17:19

He may not understand 'thirsty'/'hungry'. Try to ask him if he'd like his water bottle, or offer him an item of food. He may recognise the word 'banana' instead of 'food'.

Hall84 · 23/01/2021 17:19

Salt = speech and language therapist

QueenofBrickdon · 23/01/2021 17:22

Sounds very like my son at that age and he turned out to be Autistic.

Definitely talk to you health visitor about it.

Re: potty training I tried it with my son even though he didn't communicate and he got it in 2 days. Might be worth a try anyway.

OtterAtTheZoo · 23/01/2021 17:23

Jessbow yes I think he sometimes doesn't have the need to speak as, I have got good at guessing at want he wants and when he wants food etc and maybe don't push him enough to talk

OP posts:
WutheringTights · 23/01/2021 17:24

From what you've said he sounds like a normal three year old except for the language, which sounds delayed. I'd pay for private one to one speech and language therapy if you can afford it. They might find an underlying problem that you haven't spotted, or might simply be able to give you some communication strategies to help his language development.

rhowton · 23/01/2021 17:29

@OtterAtTheZoo just contact your local health visitor. There should be a website with their number! They will discuss with you what's going on and your concerns and then will arrange an appointment! They can directly refer to SALT, Paediatric teams etc! We're going through the same at the moment with our DD20 months! Good luck!! Thanks

Jemjems89 · 23/01/2021 17:40

This sounds exactly like my little boy. He is now 3y 7m, he's getting there with communicating but still only using one words. He can recite so much and his memory is brilliant. We're currently waiting for an autism assessment which NHS speech and language therapist (SALT) referred us for. I would push the SALT appointments. In the mean time, we found Joanne Jones (Can Do Academy) on Facebook and she is fantastic, we've used her techniques and seen a massive improvement and we're working with her to improve his eye contact and his communication. We've also added omega 3 into his diet and noticed a difference overnight in his speech.
I hope this helps.

Jemjems89 · 23/01/2021 17:42

Oh and he's now potty trained! It's taken about a year but it's like it's just clicked with him. My nephew who doesn't have autism was only just potty trained before he was 4 because he just didn't like going to the toilet.

rhowton · 23/01/2021 17:45

@Jemjems89 omega 3?? Please tell me more!!

tigger001 · 23/01/2021 17:51

No OP you are not wrong to be worried, i would definitely speak with your health visitor, once you explain your concerns they will know the direction to get your help from. Other Previous Posters have a better idea on that front, but i would say he does sound slightly delayed, which may be nothing, but definately find out.

Also please try to stop looking at things you think you havent done or dont do, like push him enough to talk, it will torture you, between the HV and a a private speech and language therapist they will help guide you FlowersFlowers

OtterAtTheZoo · 23/01/2021 17:53

Jemjems89 the speech therapist sessions start in February. It seems like a group sessions online that are 1 a week for 8 weeks. Thanks for advice I'll look into Joanne Jones.
What are the signs to look out for for autism?

OP posts:
tigger001 · 23/01/2021 17:57

OP how do you think online would work for your DC if he wont engage with family over skype? Is it worth mentioning that.

Would it maybe be worth a first session face to face, initially to see where hes at.

I know my friend got a private session face to face, so some are doing them.
Just an idea

Popskipiekin · 23/01/2021 18:02

Hi OP, I was concerned for my then 3 year old’s speech. He sounds just like your DS re ability of speech age 3. He turned 3 in Dec19 and we had a hearing test for him early Jan20 which diagnosed glue ear in both ears. Then of course covid struck and we were on a waiting list until aug20 to fit grommets. Between Apr and Aug his speech came on enormously. Back in jan20 his only two word sentence was “mama, come!” which didn’t sound a lot like that anyway. Strangers couldn’t understand him at all. Over the summer his speech absolutely exploded, and nothing we were doing changed over that time. He still needed the grommets fitted and then we had some private SALT sessions which continued online when we had to move online. They really helped with certain sounds which he was delayed with. Highly recommend a speech therapist to assess your son, and I would get a hearing test just in case to put your mind at rest. You might think his hearing is perfectly fine but it might be below average and could be affecting his language learning.

Santastealer · 23/01/2021 18:03

Sorry but he doesn’t sound like a typical 3 year old to me. Most I know would spend all days nagging for snacks and could communicate better at that age.

I would certainly use your 15 hour childcare entitlement to put him in a preschool or nursery for a few sessions a week. It will help his socialisation but will also give some some professional advice on developmental norms for his age range.

Jemjems89 · 23/01/2021 18:04

[quote rhowton]@Jemjems89 omega 3?? Please tell me more!![/quote]
I found something called nemecheck protocol, I very often take these things with a big pinch of salt but it's all natural and supposed to help brain repair so we thought we'd give it a go as we found a difference in his behaviour using the haliborange omega 3 multivitamin so we looked into it a bit more 🙂

hiredandsqueak · 23/01/2021 18:07

This book www.goodreads.com/book/show/380053.It_Takes_Two_to_Talk is a good book to have and will give you ideas to help your son's speech and communication difficulties. As a mum to two dc with autism I'm not sure it's helpful to list what to look out for tbh. My two were like chalk and cheese ds was loud aggressive and obsessiveive. Dd was silent and passive. Ds spoke very late (almost seven) dd spoke roughly at the usual age but spoke like a BBC newsreader with lots memorised and scripted. Ds demanded routines, dd went with the flow. Ds didn't like anybody, dd neither liked nor disliked anything. You should raise your concerns with the speech therapist and the HV and GP tbh.

Emeraldshamrock · 23/01/2021 18:08

There's behaviours that are concerning, speak to your GP it won't do any harm.
Nursery school does bring them on heaps too.

Hankunamatata · 23/01/2021 18:09

Did he have a 2 year hv check? You can go to gp if you have concerns about asd and ask fro a referral.

ReallySpicyCurry2 · 23/01/2021 18:09

He sounds like a brilliant little chap, but as someone with a little bit of experience of children with additional needs, there are a few things that are standing out to me, and I think it would be wise to contact the HV, jf only to out your mind at rest.

Jemjems89 · 23/01/2021 18:09

@OtterAtTheZoo

Jemjems89 the speech therapist sessions start in February. It seems like a group sessions online that are 1 a week for 8 weeks. Thanks for advice I'll look into Joanne Jones. What are the signs to look out for for autism?
My little boy won't engage with the online sessions but it's worth to see what kind of things they do with them. Joanne teaches you the techniques that SALT actually do with your child so you can add them into every day routines and you don't have to make your child sit and do activities that they won't be engaged in. It's very child led. To be honest, every child with autism is different but we've had no pointing, no communication and barely any eye contact, he's always seemed very much in his own world, especially with play and he doesn't do any role play or engage with other children like you would expect. But he happily plays alongside other children and a lot of his issues are lack of confidence. I'm also a sahm by the way and use full 15 hours for nursery (ours is attached to a school with a brilliant SEN department)
spikeyfish · 23/01/2021 18:11

His communication doesn't sound normal for a 3 year old. From experience NHS salt is very different to private salt. If you can afford to go private I absolutely would consider it. It does sound like he'd benefit from nursery.

Feelingconfused2020 · 23/01/2021 18:14

Hi OP. I know a child who has similar and it turned out.to be hearing related. He needed grommets and an operation on his adenoids. I would contact your health visitor.

His behaviour and temper sound normal though so don't worry about that.

CantBeAssed · 23/01/2021 18:16

Sounds totally normal behaviour, in fact he sounds quite advanced in some areas. My ds is almost 4...he is very behind with speech but is making great progress. Pininterest has some great activities and my speech therapist recommended using it also. Could you afford to put him into daycare for even half a day to get him some interaction with other children. My ds doesnt have any family his age and benefits greatly from going to daycare..do speak with hv and voice your concerns but he really does sound like any other 3year old..

Feelingconfused2020 · 23/01/2021 18:20

Also agree with others about nursery/pre school. My DD is 3 and 4 months and loves pre school. She's my youngest and the other two went to all kinds of playgroups/friends houses etc in their first 3 years but obviously we haven't been allowed to do that and I do think it's had an impact on her. Pre school has helped with that and we decided to keep sending her for that reason.

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