Really worried about dc's behaviour?

[OtterAtTheZoo]

My ds is 3 years and 2 months old and I'm worried about his ability to talk and his behaviour. He can say single words like different animals, objects (like book, ball, train, car, different toys, household items), different food items. He knows the colours and can count to twenty and knows the alphabet. He can answer basic factual questions “What is this?” “What colour is this?” giving one word answers and can repeat things on tv or stories from memory but doesn’t really say anything that is his own idea. He will bring the correct book if we ask "bring postman bear" for example. Pronunciation is quite poor. Alot sounds like gibberish. Like he was in the bath and I think he was repeating the gruffalo book aloud but most was gibberish and could only make out words like big bad mouse and gruffalo. He doesn’t really use words to communicate, just makes moans and grunts. Only exception so far is he can point to the drawing set and say “painting” when he wants to draw. He doesn't say hungry, thirsty, tired or toilet to communicate needs to us. So he isn't potty trained. He pees on the toilet in the morning or during the day occasionally if we manage to take him at the right time. He seems to never respond to his name and seems to only obey when it is something he wants to do anyway.
He can assemble 20 - 35 piece jigsaw puzzles on his own and do tablet games. He is very energetic and loves to run around or jump on sofa and climb on furniture. He is just starting to understand tidying up and sometimes helps if he sees you put things away. He doesn't engage in compulsive sorting. He has no problem with noise, physical contact with people and affection. He does like some things repeatedly like reading certain books.
If he has a tantrum he will fall to the floor and groan or say “help me, help me”. He can be happy running around, fall and maybe will go into tantrum mode for 30 min or will be just fine. It is hard to predict.

He hasn’t had contact with other children because of coronavirus lockdown and I am a sahm so he is not in nursery.
I don’t know if this is any indication of a problem or he is just a very stubborn child who’s a bit behind with communication.

I try to talk lots during the day, explaining what I am doing. We read everyday to him. Do paintings, playdoh, stickers, lego and trains with him. Trying to do simple games with him like pop up dragon game but he doesn't understand taking turns. We take him for walks outside and he runs arounds and like to pick up things like flowers. He isn't that interested in swings and slides. Is there anything else we could be doing? I'm worried I am not doing enough/ because I'm a bad mother.
Does this sound familiar to anyone? Any advice? He was supposed to have a hearing test last year but it was cancelled due to coronavirus. I don't think it's his hearing. Then later last year they put us on waiting list for speech therapy and it starts at the end of next February with online group sessions. Is there anyone else we can see? Should we privately see a speech therapist or child psychologist or something? Thank you for reading and appreciate any advice.

He sounds very delayed to me, definitely worth seeking advice via your gp for some appropriate support to help him along a bit.

@OtterAtTheZoo

He doesn't have any siblings and is the only child in the family. Can I put him in nursery for just the 15 hours and in lockdown if I'm a sahm?

As he's been referred,for speech therapy he may come under vulnerable which means a space should be offered.

It's worth investigating.

I would definitely put him in pre school for a few mornings a week which might help. A friend is a primary school teacher and she says you can tell those who haven’t been to pre school before they start Reception. Given you feel he might need some support with communication I would definitely do this to help him generally be ready for Reception in all other areas.

Also, not sure how helpful, but at the age I should have been starting to talk I apparently only pointed at things I wanted and didn’t really talk much although I could. Eventually my mum said enough was enough and wouldn’t give me whatever I wanted until I asked for it. I soon started talking apparently!

Yes anyone can use a nursery - they’re not yet closed in lockdown. You’ll want to visit them though, read the Ofsted reports and find out from local recommendations which ones other parents like. They may also have a long waiting list.

You should definitely put him in for the free hours- it’ll bring on his speech and it’s vital socialisation before he starts school.

He does have many things in common with my 31 month old who is on the ASD pathway. My son only uses single words, mostly badly pronounced. He does now ask for food (all day long!) and drink, and can also count to and recognise numbers to 20, knows shapes and colours and this last fortnight learnt the alphabet. This isn't unusual in asd children. He has no imaginative play, doesn't always respond to his name and lacks age appropriate understanding. He also doesn't really have any sensory challenges yet.
Agree with previous posters on HV contact and referral to a paediatrician (have a look at the asq screening ahead of this, including the relevant social emotional one), private speech therapy asap, nemechek protocol and getting him in to nursery. Salt by the sea on YouTube has good tips and it takes two to talk or more than words by Hanson are great books. Laura mize is an American salt with useful website and emails. It may turn out to just be a speech delay but there are quite a few red flags in your description so worth investigating quickly to put support in place, all of which will be useful even if it's just a speech delay. Good luck with everything, it can feel very daunting indeed.

His communication does sound delayed but I also think terms like "thirsty" and "hungry" can come a bit later. My DS at that age would not have said "I'm thirsty" he would have said "can I have a cup of water/squash" or "I want a drink" etc. And yes to a pp who said sometimes we meet young childrens needs very regularly and so they dont really get fully hungry because life is one long repetition of breakfast-snack-lunch-snack-tea-supper etc.

I do think enrolling him in nursery will help with turn taking and some peer based social skills. Does he initiate any games with you eg hide and seek?

Both of mine had very good speech at that age but big age gap meant that the older one was at school and the younger one had to ask for things. I didn’t think about that being significant until I found a lost child in a theme park, 3 yr old. He wouldn’t say anything at all to me or the staff and when we got him back to his family his mum said he doesn’t really speak at all - she said she realised he had never had to as the older kids asked for drinks, snacks etc. I remember her saying she was asking for professional help to address it.

You can ask your HV for a developmental assessment and referral to speech and language therapy and a hearing test. Enrollment in nursery can improve speech and language. The nursery workers will also be able to tell you where you child is developmentally in relation to his peer group.

That would concern me for a three-year-old if I'm honest. Here's a list of what's expected of a 3-year-old: www.speechandlanguagekids.com/what-speech-and-language-skills-should-my-3-year-old-have/

I'd say it is worth you having a look at this: www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism

Obviously, it's not possible to diagnose via Mumsnet but I think it's something you may need to consider.

Another possibility is verbal dispraxia.

Remember, you may not be an expert on the various issues that might be there but you are the expert on your child and if you feel there is something not quite right then the sooner you follow it up the better. Getting to the point of diagnosis can be a long old process at the best of times and the sooner he can get appropriate help the more effective it will be.

In the meantime, it may be worth teaching/learning a few signs to help him communicate.

Lots of the things you mention do sound like an average child of that age (his interests, liveliness etc) I would be concerned he doesn’t tell you he’s hungry/tired etc but it could well be that he doesn’t say because you are so in tune with him that you meet his needs before he really gets too hungry/tired etc. A couple of mornings at nursery would definitely be beneficial and you would then also be able to ask the opinion of the staff there if you felt there was still an issue. If there is an issue, remember that it isn’t your fault! It sounds like you are doing a great job. All children are different and just because he can’t do some things yet, it doesn’t mean he never will.

I don’t claim to be the font of all knowledge, but it does sound like there are some issues. I can only go by my own kids (one of which is just a few months older than yours) and she has been using the toilet by herself for well over a year and her speech has also been far more advanced than you describe and for quite some time. Her friends at nursery all seem to be on par with her.

I think for your own piece of mind you should speak to a HV but as others have said putting him into nursery may bring him on leaps and bounds. Mine goes to nursery in normal times just for the socialising aspect rather than that we need it for childcare. Good luck 🙂

He sounds like a pretty normal 3 year old to me with the exception of his speech. My 3yr 3 month old DD is stringing full sentences together now - example of one earlier “I don’t need a wee-wee now but I DEFINITELY need a poo!”
From what you’ve described, that was how DD was talking at around 1.5yrs. One word sentences, more grunting and pointing than meaningful conversation.
I’d definitely get his ears checked for any underlying problems. Also make use of the 15hrs free childcare. He’ll be starting school soon and you won’t want him going from no interaction in a childcare setting to 5 days of school.

I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but you could be describing my son at that age, and he is autistic. Obviously not saying your son definitely is, and lots of people on this thread obviously think all sounds well, but I would keep autism in your mind. He knew the words for all objects and was brilliant with his counting and letters (he still is very advanced compared to his peers in this regard, and could read fluently before starting reception), could answer simple factual questions "what colour is this?" "who's driving the car?" But like your son, he wasn't really using his language to communicate- or at least not how you might expect. To be honest, I had my niggling worries from when he was about two and a half, but it became really apparent when he went to preschool just before he turned three - the social environment of being around other children really highlighted his differences which I could overlook at home. Get him into childcare if you can sooner rather than later, they will be able to guide you

There are some parts of his behaviour that make me think it could be autism. Like not alot of eye contact and not responding to his name and responding more to a whistle. Sometimes he seems lost in the activity he is doing and its hard to get his attention. He seems to have a good memory for numbers, letters, nursery rhymes, books and now that I think about it tv programs or films (like sounds they make etc). He likes routines and rituals. Like the 4 acorn wood books have to be read in a certain order. He has this unusual angle/ gaze that he looks at his toys with sometimes like when playing with trains he puts his head on the ground so the train passes close to his face.

And he seems to use talking more to finish the last word from a sentence of a book or nursery rhythm instead of using it to communicate what he wants. He loves repeating the numbers and repeats numbers alot when he sees them in places. He loves counting 1 to 10. And now I think about it he has this book with a different animal on each page and when I said an animal from it he would then list the 5 other animals that came after it in the exact order they were in the book. And I took him to the zoo in summer and he was less interested in seeing the animals in feel life than he was in the book or on TV.

It does sound like it could be ASD OP. I'd definitely pursue a childcare setting, preferably with some SN experience (no harm in this if he turns out to be NT). Be proactive when he's at nursery, after a few weeks ask them how they see his development. It may be he has a sudden leap and there's nothing more to worry about or it may be a good first step for getting intervention.

Sounds absolutely normal to me!

From your update, to me it sounds even more like his speech delay is linked with a delay in social communication rather than his ability to talk (he isn’t struggling to get his words out etc and from what you have said has a decent sized vocabulary) and he also sounds like he has areas of strength which are often associated with autism as well. Definitely worth getting checked out OP especially if that’s your gut instinct, but don’t panic he will be your absolutely fine whether he’s autistic or not, and he sounds an adorable little chap good luck!

OP, this does sound very much like my eldest son at the same age. My son went on to be diagnosed with autism. The nursery setting was really helpful because, within that setting, his significant issues with social interaction became much more apparent, and the nursery put us in touch with the Portage Society. My son had been receiving some speech and language therapy since the age of two.

I agree with others, try a pre-school setting, list any concerns (as you have in your posts) and take these to your GP who may be able to arrange a referral for assessment.

He does sound like a lovely little boy and you are being proactive in voicing your concerns.

My eldest was like this, he was under the speech therapist and paediatrician and at 5 is very articulate and is undergoing an assessment for ASD.

He is lovely and a caring and sweet natured and I'm so pleased I pushed for him to receive support!

I'm not at all saying your ds has ASD btw but if I were you I'd have a chat with your health visitor as they can help advise.

If he was in my setting (I run an early years setting) I would probably start with a speech and language referral in the first instance.

Your son sounds a lovely, energetic little boy and clearly loves his stories which is great!

My youngest has just turned 3 and it's seeing how different he is to his brother that makes me realise I did dismiss a lot of his older brothers behaviour as just "typical". Yes the youngest has the odd tantrum but he speaks in full sentences, answers who, what, why, questions, follows 2/3 step instructions-he's not toilet trained though!

Definitely speak to your health visitor about a speech referral, look at local nurseries for his 15 hours and just keep doing what you are doing! You sound like a loving, attentive and caring mammy

I’ll second watching CBeebies at this time. I know any screen time over 5 minutes a week is frowned upon on here but my 2 year old’s communication is amazing considering she’s had barely any outside interaction and I credit CBeebies for some of that. Some of the words she uses and the context she uses them in definitely haven’t been learnt from us. We’re a very chatty household, but I think it’s been an extra benefit during lockdown.